More guilt

Ok, most folks know by now that I am plagued with guilt over my fish. They (the goldies - Bill was spoiled rotten, bless his little scaly departed soul) have never been in a proper-sized tank. I am entirely to blame - I didn't do enough research initially, and I allowed people who wanted to be "nice" to me (rather than yell at me, as they should have if they really gave a shit about the well-being of the fish I have decided to keep) to let me think I was doing right by them.

I have known for some time that I need a tank that is at least 100 gallons. I was fortunate to acquire my 65-gal from Freecycle, but have not yet found a larger one there. Instead, I have planned on a future purchase of a good-sized tank and good filtration system. In the meantime, though, I've been watching craigslist for something to come along that would do the job for (hopefully) significantly less than retail. Because full price for a decent tank and filtration system is going to be at least$1500. A rather hefty sum, which I would play gladly if the cash was just lying around, but it isn't.

Something popped up last month, but was quickly gone again. Tonight I found something that would possibly do very nicely. An auspicious start quickly devolved into a situation that has me upset.

I wrote with specific questions about the dimensions of the tank and the condition of it, the stand, and the filtration system. The seller also mentioned that they could provide photos upon request, and I asked for them, of course.

In response, I received answers to my questions, as well as a single photo. Then tank and stand look nice, but they featured a planted, stocked tank. At least 17 tetras of different varieties.

I started worrying, and wrote immediately, "I have to ask - the fish in the pic are NOT coming along, right? I'm assuming they have a new home? My goldies are big, and the older one is decidedly mean (as goldfish tend to be)."

The seller responded: "You can have the fish to . im in townsend and dont mind transpoting it there for you." (All spelling and grammar issues totally on his/her end).

So now I'm upset. Was I not totally clear? I have no need or desire for more fish. I'm too lazy a fish-mama as it is. I cannot handle a planted tank, or a tank with this many fish. The whole point of the new tank was to get a home for fish who need one, not to get a bunch of new freaking fish! And I can't put a goldfish in with the tetras - aside from the environmental incompatibilities, the goldfish would eat all the rest in a heartbeat, and I could NOT handle that.

So now I'm worried for those poor little finny babies - this person clearly doesn't give a crap about them. What would he/she do to them if I said I want the tank but NOT the fish? Don't tell me - I know. Worse, what will happen if I do nothing (as I now must)?

I'm angry, because now I can't buy this tank. I can't trust that all those lives will be treated properly if I try to arrange things how I need them to be. Which means that Goldie and Alfie will have to wait, and they have already waited so long. I shouldn't have gotten my hopes up, but I did. And now I know of a whole group of animal lives in peril that I can do nothing about. And I don't know what to say to this person, someone who has also had hopes raised - in a pretty crappy economy - that they might be able to sell something they may no longer be able to support financially.

I just don't know what to do or how to handle things like this - so many hypothetical burdens on my soul. And once the potential is there, it will always be there. If I was able to forget this sort of thing, my being would be much lighter, at least for now. But this tank, with its school(s) of tetras will stay with me the rest of my life. I will always wonder if they were ok, or flushed away so the current owner could pay some bills. And not knowing, I will assume the worst and feel responsible.

THIS is why I pay retail.

the bad and the good

The bad:

http://jezebel.com/5207676/marvel-divas-because-nothing-says-superhero-like-hot-sudsy-fun#c

and

http://io9.com/5239963/marvel-boss-were-not-sexist-just-loud

First off: *gag*, Marvel. Divas? Are you kidding me? You gave us Phoenix. Rogue. Storm. She-Hulk. All bad bitches who kick ass and take names. And while you may have discounted us, you gained a TON of female fans in doing so. But "divas"? Fucking DIVAS? Four gal-pal heroines who get together and re-enact Sex and the City scenes and personify pathetic old tropes of what it is to be female? I'm sorry, but this is a betrayal of the multitude of feminist fans you accumulated over the years. You debase your core female characters by allowing this pathetic mockery to take place on your publication's watch.

I am especially disappointed in Joe Quesada. First, to say (basically), "if you don't like it, don't buy our comics." And then to play it off as if what we are objecting to is the damn cover? That is the LEAST of the problems with the series. I can forgive all kinds of physics-defying boobage, physiology-defying waistlines, and gratuitous cameltoe. Hell, I've been doing it since I was 5 or so. He knows full well that the issue isn't physical appearance - sure, some people get hung up on that, but that hasn't been the uproar online and he damn well knows it - it's the trivializing of the lives of these female "heroines". Here's a sad question: in the Marvel Universe, is Cyclops "Big", or "Aidan"? And as a default, where does Logan fall? And how fucking disgusting is it that I have to draw this parallel to make my damn point?

I'd go further, but many of the commenters on the posts I linked to covered any and everything I might have to say. Except (possibly) this: All my spending money for the foreseeable future WILL be going towards the TPBs of Love & Rockets that I have been eyeing for some time now.


And now, the good:

http://jezebel.com/5239012/17-year+old-granted-permission-for-double-mastectomy

I COMPLETELY understand the need/desire for caution when it comes to life-altering decisions made by minors. Hell, I'm someone who made the conscious decision to wait to have sex till I was 18, because I wanted to be an adult and as in control of my life and decisions as possible. That being said, I have never heard of a post-op transgendered person suddenly changing their minds and wishing they hadn't had any surgery or hormone therapy. Ever.

When did you KNOW you were a girl? Or a boy? I've known as far back as I can remember. Imagine having that innate conception, that bone-deep knowing, only the "knowledge" was incorrect, because your genitals proclaimed you to be the opposite sex. Can you truly envision being forced to enter the bathroom or locker room of the opposite sex, on a regular basis, feeling you were intruding somewhere you genuinely didn't belong? This poor child wore a DIAPER in order to avoid just that scenario. A diaper. In high school.

I have known pain in my life. Pain I will not discount for anything. But I know and understand that what I have experienced is nothing compared to that soul-deep crisis of identity and self that transgendered people feel day after day for years. If not for a lifetime.

I bless the Family Court of Australia for doing this (what else to call it?) mitzvah for poor, tormented Alex. And I pray that the courts in the U.S. someday have the wisdom and compassion to follow suit.

Lippie Layering Madness

I don't know how many people I have consulted (whined to) about this, but I have been on a mission for years. The goal: to find a lippie that makes my lips look like all those models/actresses/etc. in magazines in the early-to-mid 90's. That brown/pink with the barest bit of shimmer, almost natural, not quite nude or MLBB ("my lips but better"), but something just beyond that.

I've mentioned my "color issues" here before - not only am I color-blind/weak, but my skin tone is surprisingly tricky. I'm a Little Brown Gal (sans grass skirt, shack, island wonderland locale): brown hair, brown eyes, and brown skin - though the skin is a much paler version this most recent decade, since I started freaking out about skin cancer and my crazy dark childhood tans. But I'm cool toned. Also, my lips are slightly pigmented - enough that if I didn't have an inherent desire for darker colors, I could throw on clear chapstick or gloss and look just fine. These things - plus scarring along the edge of my lower lip that limits formulation possibilities - make it ridiculously difficult to find exactly what I'm looking for.

But I have! Well, assuming what looks delicious tonight holds up in daylight, anyway.

I recently re-embarked upon my mission. My first stop was MUA; more specifically, the makeup board and then productville. I also consulted my good buddy Marta, who is as OCD about cosmetics as I am. After this, I headed on over to ebay. I hate paying retail.

Some of the lippies arrived yesterday, and I have a winning combo! I bought MAC's Viva Glam V (VGV), thinking it might potentially be a winner all on its own. The pink is great, and the pearly shimmer is dead on, but overall it's too pale. Also arriving was MAC's Slimshine lipstick in Funshine. I bought that knowing it would be horrendous on its own - too pale, too peachy - but figuring that it might be just what I needed if I had to break down and layer. And I did.

My go-to lippie for layering is MAC Slimshine in Prudeaux. It applies too unevenly and a tad too dark on its own, but it is glorious over my HG, Lorac's Gloss Stick in Sheer Berry. Once it was clear that neither new lippie would work as a stand-alone, I first tried applying Prudeaux and topping it with Funshine. Total bust. I got that tacky "dark lip liner with pale lipstick" look. I reversed the application order (Prudeaux over Funshine), and it was gorgeous! So I decided to try layering Prudeaux over VGV and it was almost exactly what I wanted! To the point where I emailed Marta and told her I had a winner.

But I can never leave well enough alone. My brain kept going, and a few hours later, I decided to try VGV + Prudeaux + a swipe of Funshine. Perfection! VGV gives the pink and shimmer, Prudeax gives the red/brown, and Funshine adds that suggestion of gold without actually being gold that pulls it all together!

Of course, I still dream of a single lippie that does all this in one tube. But I don't have to find that lippie, at least for the time being (*knock on wood*)!

This, plus my recent HG mascara discovery, means I'm free from cosmetics obsessions for at least the next few months! Maybe I'll go back to Weight Watchers?

The New Romance

I'll admit it with no shame: I am a voracious reader of romance novels. More specifically, historical romance novels. Ye Olde Bodice Rippers, if you will. I love reading about the falling-in-love process, especially when the author is good and there are believable roadblocks to make the story more enjoyable. And I won't lie - the sex is frequently quite awesome!

But, apparently, a new era has been ushered in! Echoing the timeless "lord falling for the governess" and "Duke enchanted by a bluestocking nobody", we now have the digital age paradigm: "Blogger falls for a commenter".

The meeting of minds was made first - a new order in and of itself - in that he found her blog and decided to follow it and comment regularly. He made several overtures, the main one being a date invitation including his Social Security Number so that she could check him out and feel safe. The date occurred, but she still held herself aloof. He persisted, and eventually they came together and embarked on an actual relationship. There was much back-and-forth on the blog, and numerous hints were dropped. In the end, the revelation was that he proposed and she accepted!

Maybe not the most whirlwind and epic love story, but definitely one for this age! I couldn't be happier for them.

And for those reading further, here is the blog post breaking down the NYT story as it actually was on her blog:

http://althouse.blogspot.com/2009/04/let-me-supply-missing-links-for-that.html

All the best, you two!

Seth Rogen: die in a fire.

As an actor, you have been blessed to be included in some truly fucking hilarious movies. I have no notion as to how much of that is your own doing, how much credit belongs to Judd Apatow, and how much is blind luck. I have been amused by you, emotionally drawn in by you, and - yes - even a little bit attracted to you.

But making fun of eating disorders? NOT cool. Do NOT play like your recent weight loss is due to bulimia (you're a fucking actor - your JOB is to mold your body to the next role), and do not make jokes about being thin with messed up teeth.

You should be ashamed of yourself, and you owe a gigantic apology to the millions of people out there with eating disorders. Yes, myself included. I may be self-serving, but I'm not making a buck off of mocking the horrific emotional pain of others. Bulimia is NOT a joke, and it is NOT a freaking punch line. It is a painful daily struggle, one that many do not come back from.

And Jon? Laughing and playing along? I expected better. My heart is hurting tonight, and I hope someday the two of you realize what asses you were. Though not at the expense of you or anyone you know or care about. Unlike you jackasses, I know the cost of an eating disorder, and I wouldn't wish it on anyone. Not even someone you know, a stranger to me, in order to teach you a lesson.

making light

Usually, The Daily Show doesn't depress me. Sure, it makes me aware of things that anger/upset/etc. me, but the show itself doesn't tend to do so. The Jim Cramer interview ep did, and now this most recent (Wed. the 18th) one did too.

Yes, the concept of "Snakes On A Plane" was hilarious (though the execution was horrendous). But 30,000 pythons loose in Florida? Not funny on SO many levels. Mainly, this is devastating from an ecological perspective. What used to take millenia of gradual migration now takes a few plane rides and a hurricane or two, to introduce a new species. There have been countless stories of nutria and those creepy toothy fish than can walk over land, not to mention kudzu, but this story is somehow amusing?

What's worse is I don't know who to be more upset for. There are the snakes, who were deliberately bred for sales (so not a natural number in any circumstance, let alone this one), and are unexpectedly competing for resources in a narrow market. I honestly feel that they are the ones who should be pitied the most - I can't imagine that the number of escaped snakes is remotely sustainable, so the die-off is going to be horrific. Then there are the "natural resources" (AKA the small wild animals and birds, plus the unattended pets) that this giant number of predators is seeking out; that population never expected or evolved to deal with an influx of so many predators! It breaks my heart to think of all those poor animals who would never have been in danger, now driven into "prey" territory by a scarcity of resources.

There are, of course, the people who these snakes "belonged to", who have lost their buildings (one assumes, since the snakes escaped) plus the animal inventory and who knows what else. And the people who will undoubtedly lose pets to this nightmare. Honestly, though, I feel far more pity for the "pets" than for the people who foolishly allow said critters outside alone and unattended.

As I said, I love snakes. I fell in love with a young boa years ago, and never recovered. So as difficult as the ethics are, someday I would like to own/live with one. If it wasn't already living on a diet of humanely-killed frozen prey, I would do my best to convert it to that diet, for the sake of the prey AND the predator. And it breaks my heart that all these poor young pythons are being forced to fend for themselves (to the detriment of the local population) because of human greed/expectations/money/poor planning.

My new hero(ine)

Barbara Walters! Check this out:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XjZmErjFhK4

"And that's coming from her!" Priceless.

And then her FACE. Her opinion of Hasselbeck is so obvious in the few moments of "The View" that I randomly capture when people I give a crap about are on.

Babwa can give lame softball interviews to celebrities for the rest of her life. I will treasure her for this moment forever.

"Americans Can Do Anything"

Yes, Bobby Jindal, like ELECT BARACK OBAMA. The guy whose economic plan we support in a majority that vastly overwhelms those who actually believe the moronic talking points you just spouted.

Here's the thing - as I've said, I am pretty fiscally conservative. There are a LOT of programs/projects in the stimulus bill that I think should either be eliminated in general, or seriously re-vamped before we throw more money at them. You know what? I also hate spending $5 - 6 for a gallon of milk. But I do, every time, to buy organic. Because not only does it benefit me immediately, but it also has a positive global effect. The organic certification/regulation system is far from perfect, and I could easily spend less on "regular" milk. But I refuse to save myself a few dollars now in an unwillingness to at least try to invest in a better future for myself and the world around me.

And until the GOP grasps this concept, they will continue down their road to dinosaur-hood.

Kids These Days

I get SO tired of hearing about how teens/tweens/children in this day and age are growing up with no values or sense of their place in the world. Sure, they have an insane amount of information at their fingertips, and unprecedented access to things that were previously reserved for "adults". And they often communicate in ways that older folks (myself included! I refuse to even check Twitter out) don't understand. But to say that these things have distanced them from their humanity is deliberately myopic.

Last fall, I was moved to tears by the story of teens in complete sincerity electing a girl with Down Syndrome as their Homecoming Queen.

And today, I learned of this:

http://sports.espn.go.com/highschool/rise/basketball/boys/news/story?id=3914375

A basketball player lost his mother to cancer, and wanted to play in the game that evening. He had been left off the roster due to his family situation, but he wanted to play. The visiting team argued with officials to allow it without a penalty, but the officials basically said "rules are rules" and declared that the visitors needed to take their 2 free throws. In a wonderful gesture of sportsmanship and compassion, Darius McNeal volunteered to take the free throws, and then basically threw them both away.

These are just items that were noteworthy enough to make national news. How many more stories like this occur every single day? I'm willing to bet that it is FAR more than adults give "the younger generation" credit for.

Same/different

Why do I feel like I'm on Sesame Street?

It's like I'm Grover (who I despise), doing that "near/far" routine. Only it's a red/blue "two Americas" scenario.

I consider myself to be a fiscal conservative and social liberal. I am totally for gay marriage (marriage, not the "civil union" sop) and against universal healthcare. There are many other examples, but these are the hallmarks. I don't believe in judging people, and I also don't believe in paying to support them. Do your own thing, and let my tax dollars go to support the maintenance of this nation, not you. I have a number of friends who are fans of different areas of public policy, many of which don't overlap with my own.

But I refuse to believe that there are two different "Americas" occupying the geography of this country. To assert otherwise is pathetically simplistic and near-sighted. I have a LOT in common with a lot of people who share different social views, as well as with people who share different fiscal views. I will never sign on to the idea that there is a "my" America, and an America of people who are so different from me as to constitute a separate nation. To ascribe to this belief is to harken back to pre-Civil War-times, and to expect/hope to divide this land into areas where certain beliefs/ideals hold sway. I could never choose which "America" was more my own, and I think that's the point.

Our country is fluid. Our leadership and representation are fluid. Hell, our beliefs are fluid! Do you truy believe the exact same things you did 10 - 20 years ago? I sure as hell don't! If I did, there wouldn't be a point in my ever voting again. But my thoughts and ideals have changed. And they will continue to do so.

The beauty of this nation is that, for better or worse, it represents the current ideals of its population at any given time, plus a short lag time between election cycles and social evolution. As much as it often pains me that we are still entrenched in ignorance and fear, the fact that acceptance and populism and humanism are on the upswing makes me somewhat optimistic for homo sapiens as a species.

Gee.

&*I can't imagine WHY I was pulling for a filibuster-proof majority in November... Fuckers. I'm sorry, but DIE IN A FIRE already, you foot-dragging bastards! This country is sinking in a tar pit and you want to freaking nit-pick???

No. Just no.

And Barack and the dems - shame on you for squandering the majority and mandate we granted you, in efforts to be "post partisan". Those fuckers will NEVER be post-partisan (as was demonstrated over the LAST EIGHT YEARS). Work around those assholes and save this country. PLEASE.

While you're at it, keep the nightlight on inside the birdhouse in your soul...

Why do I torture myself?

I know what happens (or will happen). I know how evil people are, and how realistically they can be portrayed. So WHY am I watching 24?

I liked that this season finally addresses Africa (initially, at least - who knows where it will go?). And I was amused at the whole This! Time! Jack! Is! Working! Outside! The! Government! angle.

But as much as the subject matter is slightly varied, and the potential for a somewhat new approach (given the current "real life" administration) is enormous, my personal problem remains: I am given to expect the worst from people. When a government agent turns out to be a traitor, or a Secret Service agents tries to assassinate the president's spouse, it's par for the course with me. But when an average person (or a government agent/employee) is portrayed - as so often does happen in real life - as laying down his or her life to protect/save the lives of others, it tears me up completely. Because I am not wired to expect that from anyone other than my family. The notion that a person could and would make that sacrifice for an untold (and unanticipated/unexpected) number of strangers who may never know the magnitude of their sacrifice kills me. I can hardly bear it.

I'm sure there are a million ways to analyze this, especially considering my own guilt/self-worth issues. I just don't understand why I keep coming back for more upset. From a tv show. Maybe I want to be convinced that this really happens, or could happen?

Hey!!!

No, I do not "Wanna See [Your] Pic's". I want you to stop spamming me, and to learn how to use apostrophes.

And I'm saddened that I no longer get good, funny spam subject lines like I did two years ago. Where's the creativity? Where's the pizazz? Where's the effort?

*Stress*

So we're refinancing our house. Now is an excellent time to do it - our credit scores are good, and we can seriously cut our interest rate and our monthly payments, which will mean bettering our ability to work on our other debt.

But apparently the financial institution (well, any of them would but ours does) requires an appraisal of the house. I guess to make sure we haven't trashed the place in the 10 years since Chris bought it. (Jeez! 10 years!) The appraisers are coming at 10 a.m. Monday (that's right - a.m. - *dies*).

While many things dissatisfy me about our house, I am now freaking out about the stuff I overlook on a daily basis because it's what we live with:

- The flooring is the worst - it's decent, but far from good enough for selling the house, thanks to the cats and ferrets. The ferret room is atrocious. Our stairs are totally torn up in places. If only Empire Carpets serviced our area, we'd take care of it! But no: the fuckers torture me with their commercials on a daily basis, but they apparently won't come to my home for a consultation OR next day installation.

- The paint: we haven't touched it up. In years. Our ceilings have marks from my clumsy attempts at assistance. We have moved/replaced fixtures like the doorbell and thermostat, and never painted the newly-exposed areas. There are chipped/stained spots from my clumsy behind smacking into walls with furniture and pretty much anything else. And with all the critters, we can't just paint willy-nilly. Being psycho about my babies, I just don't trust those supposedly "safe" (no/low VOC) paints out there.

- The banister going down to the basement has been off the wall for *years*, since removing it to bring our old and oft-missed burgundy sofa and loveseat down there. And I don't want to put it back up, since we'd just have to take it down again to get Toaster's cage out of there.

- Oh Lord, speaking of Toaster - what will they think of our quarantined kitty and her freakish gigantic cage?

- And again on her - the trim in the door jambs we had to take down to get her cage into the master bedroom and then into the basement!

- And Dolly! - what will they make of my funny little hate-bird and her sprawling empire that takes up a good bit of the living room?

- Our lame attempt at amateur crown molding should probably come down, but then there would be nail holes. Soooo many nail holes.

- The crack in the foundation - that's a biggy. We can get it epoxy sealed, and were planning to do that this year, but how will it look in just a few days? What will it do to our home value?

- We still have just too much STUFF. I have been de-cluttering like a madwoman, but it just doesn't feel like I've made much headway.

- The porn! Where will I hide the porn?!? And the whips and chains?


Ok, I'm kidding about the last bit. But seriously it's just so overwhelming. I still have up our wreath and a random decoration I forgot about from Christmas! At the same time, I know our house is in better shape than many, especially around here, so I'm tempted to just clean and say "screw it". But with housing prices being what they are, I'm afraid that attitude (and the market fluctuations) will manage to price our house so low that somehow things will end badly. Mostly excessive worry on my part, but sadly not *totally* unrealistic these days.

So for now, I will swim in my stress. Bathe in it. And hopefully, eventually, emerge on the other side renewed and clean. Hopefully.

Cross your fingers for me!

Note to self

Everything is available on amazon. EVERYTHING. Usually cheaper than anywhere else online, and with free 2-day shipping (thanks to my Prime membership, which is worth its weight in gold).

Cheese? Check.

Niche perfumes? Check.

Trampolines? Check.

So why the heck am I constantly forgetting this fact and buying things on other sites, only to discover I've wasted money? No clue.

So this is my reminder to myself - when shopping online, *always* check amazon first.

A raffle!

I know times are tight for everyone, but if you have a few spare dollars, and would consider spending them on chances to win items for a worthy cause, please check out this raffle:

http://fundraisingforlinda.com/

The gal running the raffle is someone I absolutely trust, and she is doing it for a wonderful reason. I donated a number of the items (as you can see by the donor names listed), and there are several things I intend to go for. I hope you will at least take a look and think about doing the same!

Poor baby

As much as I anthropomorphize everything around me, and often attribute understanding to my non-human children when it's really not there, I am sometimes reminded that my babies are not reasoning creatures. In this case, it's Elcy:




She was tearing around the house like she was possessed all weekend. All day, all night. Running into the bedroom, then back out. Running down the stairs and out into the dining room, then zooming back up the stairs again. She gets lit sometimes so I didn't think much of it, although it was excessive friskiness for her.

Monday she was invisible all day. Again, not uncommon - she likes to sleep in the bedroom all day and I was (as I have been all week, unfortunately) on a diurnal schedule, and I assumed she was up there. But when I went up to ferret-proof (close off the bedroom and guest room) to let Harriet and Podo out, she was sitting in one of the litter boxes. This is what our litter boxes look like:




So basically she was sitting in a little kitty cave. I thought she was just being goofy and weird (as is her wont), so I gave her some skritches and then shut the door and went on about my business.

But she never came to bed that night.

Tuesday she was still in the box. All day. When I went to let the fuzzies out in the afternoon, I decided she needed to come out, since as a rule the kibble is only downstairs and I don't keep water in the guest room for them. So I took the top off the litter box and she cringed and acted frightened. I shooed her out of the room, and the ran into the hallway and just crouched in the middle of the hall. As she ran, I heard crackling. I went to pet her, and she just cowered, trembling and growling at me. I've only ever seen her act that way at the vet, where she is unreasonably terrified. When I touched her, I got a zap and the lightbulb turned on.

Our house is very dry. Except when I'm sick, I prefer it that way as it's easier on my lungs. And apparently Elcy's fur texture is super-conducive to static electricity, and has been made that much more so by the lack of moisture in the house. Just walking around is enough friction to set off multiple little charges. All that running around and then the hiding in the litter boxes was my poor kitty trying to escape whatever was shocking her repeatedly! I can't even begin to imagine what she thought was happening to her. And I can't explain to her why it's ok, and why it will be all right.

I put our humidifier in the bedroom and turned it on full blast, and I set a big pot of water on the oven to simmer. I've gone through many gallons of water in the past 2 days, and the house is definitely more humid. Elcy is calmer, but still hiding out in the litter box, so there is now water and a little bowl of food in the guest room for her.

It's hard enough, dragging them to the vet when they don't know why mommy is making them go to the scary place where people do mean things to them. How do you comfort a kitty who thinks she's being tormented by invisible electric monsters?

My message

This is the message I just sent to the Obama transition team, here: http://change.gov/page/content/contact/:


"I am writing to express my deep disappointment with the decision to invite Rick Warren to deliver the invocation at the Inauguration.

Throughout the presidential campaign, President-elect Obama inspired me more than any candidate ever has before. So much so that I donated to his campaign twice, something which I have never done for any other political candidate.

As a heterosexual woman in a "traditional" marriage, and as someone who holds strong and sincere beliefs that homosexuals are entitled to the same legal rights and relationships that I am entitled to, it breaks my heart that President-elect Obama has chosen such a closed-minded and bigoted individual to participate in something so important. Unfortunately, it sends a painfully clear message to non-heterosexual Americans that the next president of this country regards their rights and feelings as less important than symbolic "reaching across the aisle" political moves.

It is not too late to rescind this invitation, and I hope and pray that President-elect Obama and his team make the decision to do so before irreparable harm is done."


I doubt it will do much good, but I can't say *nothing*. Our officials are elected to represent us. They cannot do so if we don't make it clear how exactly we want to be represented.

Vitriol

I know this maybe isn't the most sentimentally appropriate time of year for this topic, but unfortunately it is the specific time at which I was reminded of this insanity.

I'll be the first to admit that I'm a bitch who can Carry A Grudge. I can and do hold shit against people *forever*. That being said, it is a passive sort of enmity. The feelings linger on the edges of my psyche without taking on enough importance for me to have to act on them. It's more, "Oh, that person? I can't stand him/her and will never forgive x/y/z!" I don't have the will or ambition to seek out the people on the other end of my anger. Maybe it's a result of the fact that the person who is most deserving is already dead, and therefore all those guilty of lesser infractions aren't worth the time and effort? I don't know. Maybe it's just that I'm lazy.

I have recently ventured back into territories I had temporarily abandoned due to being busy elsewhere, and was deeply disheartenened and dismayed to find that the exact same poison is being spewed in posts and private messages (thanks for those, psycho internet haters!) as I first encountered four years ago. FOUR YEARS AGO. These few, pathetic people have not found it within themselves to let this random shit go by now. The hateful rhetoric is the same. The targets are the same. The venue is the same. And what's most pitiable is that their targets are undeserving. Believe me - I know derserving targets. These folks aren't it. I know a bit of what is behind some of the misunderstandings, and none of it is grudge-worthy. And again, I speak as one who can't help but to hold grudges.

But sadly, something about the internet culture, their fragile egos, and the amount of time they apparently have on their hands all converge to create this bizarre state/dimension in which they feel that the same people must be punished again and again for these minor transgressions. Infractions for which said people can (apparently) never be forgiven.

On second thought, maybe this time of year is particularly appropriate for this topic. Because the things I cannot forgive are those which I would only expect a higher being to be able to absolve. And I am far from a higher being. So shouldn't these very few people be able to be bigger than they have been?

Even if they can't get past the perceived transgressions, should they not at least try to lighten their own burdens and cease the active torment of those they feel did them wrong so long ago now? Wouldn't that be a wonderful gift to oneself, to decide to simply LET IT GO? I have done so for crimes far more heinous against my own soul and body than anything these supposed transgresors could have ever perpetrated. If I can let it go and be open to a happier, more peaceful life, shouldn't the self-proclaimed victims be willing and able to at least attempt to do the same?

Why I love him

Two quotes from Jon Stewart's interview with Mike Huckabee last night, which perfectly stated deep-seated feelings I've had for a while (both from Jon, of course!):

"Religion is far more of a choice than homosexuality."

"It's a travesty that people have forced someone who is gay to have to make their case that they deserve the same basic rights as someone else."

A-freaking-men!!!

I also loved that he called Huckabee (and other similar people against gay marriage) out on the fact that by making their argument one of gay marriage "changing the definition of marriage, which has for *thousands* of years been a union between a man and a woman", they are resorting to semantics and ignoring the humanity. Too bad those people will likely never see it properly.