Tuesday, December 16, 2008


I know this maybe isn't the most sentimentally appropriate time of year for this topic, but unfortunately it is the specific time at which I was reminded of this insanity.

I'll be the first to admit that I'm a bitch who can Carry A Grudge. I can and do hold shit against people *forever*. That being said, it is a passive sort of enmity. The feelings linger on the edges of my psyche without taking on enough importance for me to have to act on them. It's more, "Oh, that person? I can't stand him/her and will never forgive x/y/z!" I don't have the will or ambition to seek out the people on the other end of my anger. Maybe it's a result of the fact that the person who is most deserving is already dead, and therefore all those guilty of lesser infractions aren't worth the time and effort? I don't know. Maybe it's just that I'm lazy.

I have recently ventured back into territories I had temporarily abandoned due to being busy elsewhere, and was deeply disheartenened and dismayed to find that the exact same poison is being spewed in posts and private messages (thanks for those, psycho internet haters!) as I first encountered four years ago. FOUR YEARS AGO. These few, pathetic people have not found it within themselves to let this random shit go by now. The hateful rhetoric is the same. The targets are the same. The venue is the same. And what's most pitiable is that their targets are undeserving. Believe me - I know derserving targets. These folks aren't it. I know a bit of what is behind some of the misunderstandings, and none of it is grudge-worthy. And again, I speak as one who can't help but to hold grudges.

But sadly, something about the internet culture, their fragile egos, and the amount of time they apparently have on their hands all converge to create this bizarre state/dimension in which they feel that the same people must be punished again and again for these minor transgressions. Infractions for which said people can (apparently) never be forgiven.

On second thought, maybe this time of year is particularly appropriate for this topic. Because the things I cannot forgive are those which I would only expect a higher being to be able to absolve. And I am far from a higher being. So shouldn't these very few people be able to be bigger than they have been?

Even if they can't get past the perceived transgressions, should they not at least try to lighten their own burdens and cease the active torment of those they feel did them wrong so long ago now? Wouldn't that be a wonderful gift to oneself, to decide to simply LET IT GO? I have done so for crimes far more heinous against my own soul and body than anything these supposed transgresors could have ever perpetrated. If I can let it go and be open to a happier, more peaceful life, shouldn't the self-proclaimed victims be willing and able to at least attempt to do the same?


risa said...

a-freakin-men, T. I don't know if you're referring to the things I saw pass recently, but I remember thinking "where did THIS come from?"

Of course, you and I have the same habit of getting swamped and letting That Which Doesn't Need Us fall by the wayside (like our blogs ;), and a lot of people can't do that either. Maybe people who don't tend to prioritize their time are more resentful?

Bela said...

Hear! Hear! To those people, I want to say, 'Get a life!'

I will always be grateful to you, T, for explaining where I was going wrong in my dealings with certain people on a certain message board. I still speak my mind, but I have stopped being surprised (and rather distressed) when I get flamed for it. In fact, I expect it, and now understand why I can't have a one-to-one discussion with anyone on such a platform.

I'm good at bearing grudges too, but like you I don't do anything about it... although there is someone out there whom I have cursed to the 12th generation and who might not escape unscathed if she crossed my path again - for something she did to me exactly 41 years ago. So there!

Trina said...

R - you are so right. It took me way too many years to learn to prioritize in such a way that I don't kill myself trying to do *everything*. I lose a lot doing so, but I have my peace. I wish these people could/would find peace and allow it to find others.

Bela - yeah, that would be the place! I'm happy for anything I said that may have helped. I've spent much of my life negotiating *around* groups (I'm a one-on-one kinda gal myself), the goal being to get along without getting sucked in. Groups are draining and rarely end up being any fun for me. I'm having fun reconnecting on Facebook with many who used to hang out there, who have similarly moved on.