Something I started doing last year was collecting spam subject lines. I wish I had started sooner because I know I got some doozies in the past that are now lost forever. Some of them are so bizarre that I've been tempted to open them just to see what was inside (don't worry - I'm not that impulsive). It's easy to just click "empty" on that Junk Mail folder after you've sorted out what shouldn't have been sent there, but have you ever actually read those little messages? The ones they think will somehow trick you into opening something you really shouldn't? It's worth it, every once in a while.
My criteria aren't especially rigorous, but still there aren't too many that qualify. I don't go for the easy laughs, so all the porn and "body part enhancement" messages are out. Besides, they're really not that funny, after you've seen the same one 20 times. I used to save the ones that strung together a bunch of random religious/biblical-looking words because some of the combinations were so strange while *almost* making sense that they made me laugh. But they don't stand the test of time: re-reading them a few weeks or months later just doesn't work. So those, for the most part, are deleted immediately.
After Christmas there was a serious dearth of funny spam subjects, and I despaired that everyone reprogrammed their bots or something. But this morning I awoke to find several giggle-inducing titles, and hope was restored! I decided it was time to share the wealth.
So for those of you who are also easily amused, I present:
My Funny Spam Collection
smuggle ruffle
wopposite
gung-ho
Re: do cluster
It's not about slogans this time.
antler silence
them, money to fail: not be baldness upon your food month, Zif,
makes squishy noises when running.
in the land wherein we grope in him, I brought
Are molehill no sheriff
Or my wham
Which watchband so death
out of a naughty person, of their hooks were persuaded, that
gibe processor
Is my rhino
treacherous dahlia
Fred tried to change subjects to get Howard to do something else. [best part – the sender was "continental breakfast"]
watertight communist
impromptu pork chop
slovenly lover
my orange
And today's most shining gem:
it be semantic
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7 comments:
I think "do cluster" is my favorite. But none of yours rival one I received at work, with the subject line "artificial erection helps."
have you ever looked at Spamusement? it's a site that does comics based on spam titles. "not appreciated for what you know" is my absolute favorite.
and i still think "fruit fly militancy" is my favorite spam title ever!
Received another great one this morning.
"dishwasher crotchety"
Oh, and did you husband tell you that my kind and loving girlfriend flicked him off on the way to work this morning?
Risa - I will check Spamusement out forthwith! And I like your title too :~D
RT - if *you* won't help the artificial erections, who will? And tell your girlfriend to stop stealing my moves!
I think the spammers must know that I like their funny titles now, because the volume of good ones has increased dramatically over the past few days. My most recent favorites:
nefarious wedding dress
shrimp tangent
righteous pit viper
cosmopolitan lunatic
brunette diplomacy
pressure cooker paper clip
grammatically yourself
bungee jumping sonata
Aunt's complaint turned 'vagina' into 'hoohaa'
My friend Jacob likes to turn them into poetry. Here's a recent spam poem based on the crap my filter caught:
Be richier, hairclot individualist!
Pat likes you
when you are fulfilled
something amazing happens automatically
She will love you more
than any other guy
Don't be left out
Join millions of men
Separate yourself from other men
Sure there are cheesy heads involved
But they can be turned off
Gonna be a good day
partially-peeping Tom
Be cool
You are mankurty
You can say that again
With our large selection of watches
However, my favorite thing ever someone did with spam is Ze Frank's dramatic reading of a Nigerian money scam:
http://www.zefrank.com/request/
PS. Off topic, but still working on sending you stuff. My husband has *my* computer in pieces and can't do anything with my DVDs or anything til he puts the thing back together. (In the meantime I have stolen his laptop. I think it's only fair ;P)
Aiyana my sister dates a black man tyrannosaurus
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