Thursday, January 25, 2007

Easily Amused

Something I started doing last year was collecting spam subject lines. I wish I had started sooner because I know I got some doozies in the past that are now lost forever. Some of them are so bizarre that I've been tempted to open them just to see what was inside (don't worry - I'm not that impulsive). It's easy to just click "empty" on that Junk Mail folder after you've sorted out what shouldn't have been sent there, but have you ever actually read those little messages? The ones they think will somehow trick you into opening something you really shouldn't? It's worth it, every once in a while.

My criteria aren't especially rigorous, but still there aren't too many that qualify. I don't go for the easy laughs, so all the porn and "body part enhancement" messages are out. Besides, they're really not that funny, after you've seen the same one 20 times. I used to save the ones that strung together a bunch of random religious/biblical-looking words because some of the combinations were so strange while *almost* making sense that they made me laugh. But they don't stand the test of time: re-reading them a few weeks or months later just doesn't work. So those, for the most part, are deleted immediately.

After Christmas there was a serious dearth of funny spam subjects, and I despaired that everyone reprogrammed their bots or something. But this morning I awoke to find several giggle-inducing titles, and hope was restored! I decided it was time to share the wealth.

So for those of you who are also easily amused, I present:

My Funny Spam Collection

smuggle ruffle



Re: do cluster

It's not about slogans this time.

antler silence

them, money to fail: not be baldness upon your food month, Zif,

makes squishy noises when running.

in the land wherein we grope in him, I brought

Are molehill no sheriff

Or my wham

Which watchband so death

out of a naughty person, of their hooks were persuaded, that

gibe processor

Is my rhino

treacherous dahlia

Fred tried to change subjects to get Howard to do something else. [best part – the sender was "continental breakfast"]

watertight communist

impromptu pork chop

slovenly lover

my orange

And today's most shining gem:

it be semantic


Rob Tornoe said...

I think "do cluster" is my favorite. But none of yours rival one I received at work, with the subject line "artificial erection helps."

risa said...

have you ever looked at Spamusement? it's a site that does comics based on spam titles. "not appreciated for what you know" is my absolute favorite.

and i still think "fruit fly militancy" is my favorite spam title ever!

Rob Tornoe said...

Received another great one this morning.

"dishwasher crotchety"

Oh, and did you husband tell you that my kind and loving girlfriend flicked him off on the way to work this morning?

Trina said...

Risa - I will check Spamusement out forthwith! And I like your title too :~D

RT - if *you* won't help the artificial erections, who will? And tell your girlfriend to stop stealing my moves!

I think the spammers must know that I like their funny titles now, because the volume of good ones has increased dramatically over the past few days. My most recent favorites:

nefarious wedding dress

shrimp tangent

righteous pit viper

cosmopolitan lunatic

brunette diplomacy

pressure cooker paper clip

grammatically yourself

bungee jumping sonata

Rob Tornoe said...

Aunt's complaint turned 'vagina' into 'hoohaa'

Katie said...

My friend Jacob likes to turn them into poetry. Here's a recent spam poem based on the crap my filter caught:

Be richier, hairclot individualist!

Pat likes you
when you are fulfilled
something amazing happens automatically
She will love you more
than any other guy
Don't be left out

Join millions of men
Separate yourself from other men
Sure there are cheesy heads involved
But they can be turned off

Gonna be a good day
partially-peeping Tom
Be cool
You are mankurty
You can say that again
With our large selection of watches

However, my favorite thing ever someone did with spam is Ze Frank's dramatic reading of a Nigerian money scam:

PS. Off topic, but still working on sending you stuff. My husband has *my* computer in pieces and can't do anything with my DVDs or anything til he puts the thing back together. (In the meantime I have stolen his laptop. I think it's only fair ;P)

Rob Tornoe said...

Aiyana my sister dates a black man tyrannosaurus