Late afternoon

We have two ferrets. Just saying/writing this feels bizarre to me, after having four - six for so long. But one of the sad realities of taking in a large number of critters (with a relatively short lifespan) in a small timeframe is that you will most likely lose most or all of them in a similar window.

Knowing this, intellectually, and living through it are two very painfully different things. And the reality is that Podo is, at the most optimistic estimate, 4 years old; and Harriet is 5 - 6. They are frisky and perky, and in as good health as can be guaranteed by current veterinary medicine. But the fact remains that they are entering the ages in which we could lose them at any time.

Chris and I decided a while back that after this bunch, we are going to take a break from ferrets for a while. The fact is that giving them the best care (in good conscience, I could never do otherwise) means spending an arm and a leg at the drop of a hat. And while we *can* do that, we also have a responsibility to the other animals in our care, as well as a fierce desire to get out of this house sometime in the next 5 - 10 years. Our furbabies are worth the thousands we spend on them, but we would like to be in a better position sometime soon to change our lives and possibly do better by our current bunch as well as a potential theoretical new bunch. And that means limiting our spending so we can pay off what we owe on the house etc. while maintaining some stability in this crazy economy.

After we lost Kaneda, I realized how precious the time left with the girls is. I was also worried about what would happen if/when we lose one, as ferrets are prone to mourning those they are bonded with and basically refusing to live without them. I looked around online and found no message boards that I liked, so I started looking at groups. I'm a yahoo group addict, and tend to join, lurk, and leave them without getting too attached or involved. But instead I found a group that captured my heart. Sure, not everyone is informed (we all gotta learn!) or as willing/able to spend like I am on critters. But the heart of this group is so strong and true and sincere. I actually volunteered to help moderate, and as a result have been having fun learning basic html and indulging my penchant for heavy editing.

Recently, the members of the group have suffered a staggering number of losses. In a heavily populated group of serious ferret lovers, it isn't unexpected - combine people who love the critters with the addictive quality of said critters (Chris and I are rank amateurs compared to these folks - a number of them have well over 20 fuzzies!) and the short lifespan of the species, and you are bound to encounter frequent heartbreak. But this past spring has seemed to everyone to be especially difficult.

The result for me is a profound gratitude for the time I have left with the ferrets we have left. This is not to minimize the time passed with the ferrets who went before. For people who don't truly know and understand ferrets, there is no explaining. For my life up to 1999 I was a hardcore cat person. And I will remain so until the day I die. But it's like every ferret life is doubly concentrated because of how short it is. They have as much soul and personality as - if not more than - any cat or dog, but it's confined to a life that is half as long. And of course, vastly different. I have known many animals in my life, but nothing approaches the spirit of a ferret. I'm not saying they are better than other animals (though I'm sure many feel that they are), just that they are unique.

I digress. There is no way to adequately express what each ferret soul has meant to me. But now that I am in a place of not taking in any more fuzzies, I think I am more able to truly cherish the experiences I have left right now. Because I know that for the next few years or so, they are all I will have. I still don't know how we are going to deal with the potential mourning issue. But I know that I will squeeze every precious drop of joy and happiness from the time I have left with my girls.

If you have a furry/feathery/scaly baby in your life who allows kisses and/or hugs, go do it now. We never know how many of them we have left.

A Cure For What Ails You

After a recent post on Jezebel about the humorous implications in the name of the acid reflux drug Aciphex (say it out loud: Aciphex = "ass effects"), I got to thinking about the names companies give drugs. I never noticed the funny connotation in this name, in all the years I worked in a pharmacy. Probably because I knew they were probably going for a subliminal message of "acid fix". Which tends to be the way marketing operates for prescription drugs.

As far as I know, there aren't any laws governing how companies name their medications, aside from avoiding violation of the copyrights of others. Why not go back to the old-timey method of naming them? We could have things like "Eli Lilly's Little Water Pills", "Roche's Super Pain Pills", "Pfizer's Purple Sugar Pills". Heck, start using old-school looking fonts and labels! Retro is in!

The fact is, a good number of the people taking medications label their meds this way. They come into the pharmacy and ask the person at the counter for a refill of their "water/sugar/pain/anxiety/etc." pill. "You know, the green one!" They don't know the name, they know what it does and usually what it looks like. Most current branding efforts are in vain. Why not cash in on the natural tendency?

Drug companies could build brand loyalty and keep consumer confusion to a minimum. The patient can rest easy, knowing what each medication does and who makes it. And wouldn't the companies rather the customer know and trust the name of the manufacturer than that of one product in a wide array? Patients would know exactly which pill they were taking and why. And if someone (the doctor, the pharmacist, the insurance company) dared to blaspheme and substitute a generic, the patient could demand that no, he wants his BMS's White Sugar Pill! What's this beige one? "Metformin"? What'n the heck is that? The name doesn't even tell you what it is! Who makes it? How can he trust them when they won't even put their name on the product?

Pharmaceutical manufacturers: I take paypal.

Geeky time-out

Ok, I know this has been addressed elsewhere. But seriously - NO ONE notices Baltar's psychotic behavior? No one?!?

I'm in the middle of a BSG marathon, thanks to SciFi showing the whole series back-to-back a couple weeks ago *plus* my darling husband's installation of an external hard drive for our DVR, giving us hundreds of hours of recording time. So I'm watching it all again, from the beginning, and being reminded of just how fucking (don't get me started on their lame-ass cop-out "f-word") awesome it is.

But re-watching it just makes me more sensitive to how batshit crazy Baltar acted in the first season, often with other people in the room. I know most of them were experiencing some level of PTSD, and they had a LOT of other shit on their minds. But no one registered that the guy they were relying on to tell them who any and all Cylons were was out of his damn mind??? Come on, now.

YES!!!

Color me lame, but I am SO excited!!!

My "judge shows" - Judge Judy, The People's Court, Judge Alex, etc. - now have a Daytime Emmy category of their own! I'll admit that Judge Alex is one of my MySpace friends, but my heart belongs to Judge Judy.

This is long past due. I know "the cases are real", but there is also an art to selecting cases and then directing/editing how they are mediated/adjudicated. I miss the hell out of Texas Justice, but I always admitted (complained) that they never reigned in the litigants sufficiently, which resulted in cases that were difficult/irritating to follow. And Judge Mathis may be a fair mediator, but the editing of his show makes it look (maybe realistically, maybe not - how is a viewer to know?) like he makes up his mind early on, and not always from a legal standpoint. I assume that the decisions are always legally sound. And with this assumption being a given, I therefore expect the shows to frame the entertainment in such a way as to make the ruling clear and understandable, while still showing the fun parts. And some shows do a far better job than others.

If the people of America want to air their petty complaints on tv, shouldn't they be judged for/on it? I say yes!

Night Owl

I am nocturnal. While the rest of the world is off at work, I'm snug in my bed. While the world sleeps. I'm up and about, doing my thing. I take a lot of crap for this, mostly good-natured, but it's what my body and brain want and I'm lucky enough to have the freedom to go with it. Even when I get on a day schedule, it doesn't last - I start falling asleep later and later, until I'm back on the night shift. It can be inconvenient for trying to get together with my diurnal friends and family, but I make it work.

I think 4 a.m. is my favorite time of day. It's almost magical. I can go outside, and the world feels fresh and new (even in the dank humidity of August). There is evidence of mankind all around, but it's like all of humanity has vanished and I'm the only person in the world. And yes, to me that is a good thing. Y'all know by now that I'm a hermit, don't you? And I know that there's this whole other side of the world who are awake while I am (the ones my then 3-year-old niece said are "stealing our sun" when I tried to explain the revolution of the planet and day vs. night). But they' aren't evident to my early-morning senses.

4 a.m. is lovely because I know the sun is coming soon, but it's pitch dark and still. And I'm not in that place of, "Oh my God, I'm up at 4 in the morning! I have a long/crappy/etc. day ahead of me!" Instead, I have the lovely feeling of my day winding down while everything is soft and peaceful.

At 5:30, I hear the train that goes through town. Every time, it makes me think of "City of New Orleans". But in a good way, because the song was kinda wrong. I'm usually in bed, reading, when the sun comes up. I read for a few hours before bed every day. I can glance over at the window every once in a while and see it gradually getting brighter outside.

Just like an afternoon nap, sleeping during the day feels luxurious and somehow sinful. And I get to experience this "unnatural" decadence every day. I get the same 8 or so hours as most people, I just choose to take them at off-peak hours.

That's all I have to say about that, I think. I sleep in the day. Deal with it.

Common Sense - Part 4 of ?

*Note/disclaimer: I may refer to people who have been abused, who suffer from eating disorders, and other related issues/circumstances in the third person throughout these posts, but that's mainly a device. I'm mostly talking about myself, other people I know, and the results of research I've done in the furtherance of my own understanding of what the hell is wrong with me. I am by no means attempting to make blanket statements that apply to all (or even a majority) of people who are or have been in any situation I have been. Also, sexist though it may be, I'll be using "she", "her", "the girl(s)" and other feminine pronouns/references for my writing, though anyone with any sort of understanding of EDs and abuse knows that males are also victims and sufferers. I'm simplifying things for my writing, that's all.

*** Warning – potential trigger(s) for abuse survivors and/or ED sufferers ***

File this post under "massively overdue". More than a year. Yes, I'm that much of a procrastinator. I meant to write about it back then, but then a bunch of bad shit happened, followed by more bad shit, and I didn't want to write about anything, let alone this subject. But since I'm back on it, I guess it's time.

I'm not big on interacting with people in the "real world" for the reasons detailed in my previous "Common Sense" posts, but I love talking online because I am exposed to so many different backgrounds and perspectives that I learn new things all the time, often from unexpected people/places. And this breakthrough/whatever is exactly why I feel this way. In this case, I was talking about my bulimia in a yahoo group that isn't eating disorder or abuse related, and it was mostly as an intellectual discussion about what does and does not constitute mental "health". One of the members there, out of the blue made a comparison I had never considered that makes an amazing amount of sense: purging is like smoking a cigarette.

It was like a freaking lightning bolt went off in my head! That's pretty much *exactly* it! And I should have seen it before - lord knows I've analyzed this thing from every angle I can think of, alone and with books and websites and other people. Pretty much any source available, I've used. It took a stranger with no real investment in the issue to see it from somewhere new and also true.

Once I started thinking about it, all kinds of parallels started jumping out at me. I started (as most girls do) b/p-ing around the same time that most people take up smoking. Some people can quit easily, others can't kick it no matter what. Some people can limit themselves (b/p-ing once a day : someone only having one or two cigarettes) while others get totally consumed (b/p-ing 10 - 20+ times a day : smoking 1 - 2+ packs per day). People who have quit still feel those urges, and often "fall off the wagon". And, like smoking, there is a definite physical/chemical dependence on the bulimia. From what I've heard/read, the feelings people get when they smoke (relief, release, calm, etc.) are very similar to what a purge does for me. God knows both things are addictive and compulsive. And they're both pretty darn bad for you! I could go on and on comparing these things. I feel like such an idiot for not seeing it before!

So now I kind of understand how it is people take up smoking as a habit/addiction, even though the first few cigarettes are awful. I've tried cigarettes twice in my life, both times when I was drunk and in a horrible mood (which in and of itself says something), and couldn't get past the pain in my lungs. But I have asthma and especially sensitive airways, and I'm pretty sure that I'm overly sensitive to smoke if not downright allergic. If I wasn't, though, I can now see how I might have become a smoker. Lord knows vomiting up your food isn't pleasant. But I kept doing it, didn't I? And people keep smoking.

I know this is a lot of gabbing, but this is/was such a lightbulb moment for me. I feel like I can finally discuss my ED in terms that a larger number of people might be able to wrap their minds around. And it makes it a lot simpler for me to think about, and I actually feel a lot less guilty about it this way. Less like a freak.

Not that I am trying to minimize or act like either behavior is acceptable. Neither is good, and neither should be undertaken by a rational, healthy individual. Period. And I know I'm going to sound like a hypocrite now, but I think smoking is a truly nasty habit. Not that bulimia is any better (it can certainly kill you quicker if you're not careful and is probably more destructive overall to the person doing it), but at least it isn't polluting the environment or endangering the health of those in close proximity. Or irritating me. Heh. So comparing something I have come to live with and accept to something I find truly abhorrent feels strange to me, but I understand (intellectually, at least) that most people feel the same way about the behaviors *I* engage in, while understanding smoking at least somewhat. And there are a number of people I know and love who are smokers - some casual, some serious - so this isn't a rejection or embrace of any one group of people. I'm hoping that this post - and idea - can bring people together in a greater understanding of these things that we do to ourselves.

Now if only they made some sort of *patch* to help me quit...

Questions? Comments?

Common Sense - Part 3 of ?

I know it's been ages since I posted on this topic. For the record, it started here, almost 2 years ago (!!!):

http://mylifemywordsmymind.blogspot.com/2006/03/dr-phil.html

Continued here:

http://mylifemywordsmymind.blogspot.com/2006/03/common-sense-part-1-of.html

then here:

http://mylifemywordsmymind.blogspot.com/2006/03/common-sense-part-2-of.html

All disclaimers for those posts count here too. I'm not sure where this will go yet, but it could be a trigger and my typing laziness will probably result in a gender bias. You've been warned.

The topic was re-awakened by my old buddy Dr. Phil in the show this week about the anorexic/bulimic girl, Aimee. The show freaked me out and saddened me because she was in such a bad state, and because so many of her thought processes mirrored my own. Especially those where she was facing the image of her younger self (with the doc) and criticizing that incarnation for "allowing" the bad things to happen and not protecting her. Scary. It's not rational or healthy, but I have done that same thing far too many times in the past.

But what struck me this time was her purging. Or, to be more accurate, her "count". She said she purges about 150 times per day, and I hate to say this but I think she is counting wrong. Not that I at ALL want to minimize this disease, but... well... here's my take: I think - and sorry to be this graphic/explicit but I have to - that she is counting every "heave" as a separate purge. I count an "episode" as a purge. Like I don't count one bite of food as a "meal". To me, a single purge is getting up everything (or as much as I can/want) that just went down. It might take up to 20 "heaves", depending on what I ate and how much and over what period of time, for one "purge" in my estimation. This is how I have always counted my purges, and I can't find anything online that says I should do otherwise.

I'm curious/interested because I saw the girl's cooking-and-eating behavior. I honestly think she doesn't have enough time in a day for 150 purges. Not the way I count them. Like Dr. Phil said - that's a purge every 10 minutes, not including time for sleep. Which is why I think she's counting wrong.

Or am I the one who's counting incorrectly? I looked around online, and although there were lots of examples for what constitutes a "binge", I couldn't find anything that gives a clear definition for a "purge". I certainly understand why people don't want to touch the subject. And while I know that I more than meet the most loose interpretation of the DSM criteria for bulimia, and feel that anyone purging in any sense "for weight loss" is headed down that slippery slope, it bothers me that there isn't a clear-cut definition/standard for what a purge actually is.

We have numbers for cholesterol, blood pressure, insulin, etc. Would it be so wrong to specify whether a purge is a "heave" or a "meal"?

Don't trust me!

Yesterday was my birthday, so as of today I am officially "over 30". I guess I'm a ticking time bomb, and could go Establishment at any moment! You have been warned.

Our neighbors are trying to kill us

Seriously. It is 77° in our house, and the heat hasn't kicked in since 2 pm! How can this be? We live in a townhouse that's an internal unit, and our neighbors on one side (or both sides) apparently feel the need to blast their heat. Great for our heating bill, not so much so for our physical comfort.

If it's the people in the end unit, I feel a little bad for them. Their heating bill must be astronomical! But they're the ones that have screaming fights weekly, if not more often, so my sympathy is limited. For real - I've been tempted to call the cops on them more than once and report a domestic disturbance. How can people live like that?

If it's the neighbors on the other side, I just don't get it. Are they warm weather natives who ended up in Delaware by accident? Are they crazy? Or are they leaking heat into our house via the holes they put IN THE FIREWALL to hang pictures? That's right! We have big front windows, and it's easy to see into theirs. Those fuckers hung giant framed pictures on the walls we were plainly told not to hang things from when we got this place! I know they're the third or fourth family to live there (whereas we/Chris bought this place when it was being built), but shouldn't that kind if thing be disclosed when selling? I know other people in the neighborhood do it too - again, big windows and I'm not a *total* hermit - but that doesn't make it right. I may not be the best neighbor in the world, but I haven't done anything that makes them more likely to lose their homes should mine catch fire!

I'm just saying. It's damn hot in my house, and it's not my fault.

Few things make me happier...

than seeing this at the beginning of Law & Order (or one of their franchise shows):

"The following story is fictional and does not depict any actual person or event."

What this means, in lay speak, is that this is *totally* based on actual people and events, but they didn't have the rights to any of it so they cobbled a bunch of shit together from the news to make one crazy-ass whacked out story. As only they can do. And the episodes with this disclaimer at the beginning are usually the most entertaining.

Hooray for insanely unrealistic legal dramas! One of my favorite forms of escapism :~D

Another hole

I'm not sure how much more of this my heart can take.

We lost Kaneda early last week. He had adrenal disease, which we were treating with Lupron injections because we didn't want to put him through surgery at his age. He declined very rapidly over the weekend before, and had increased neurological symptoms (difficulty walking, mostly). I made an appointment with the vet for as early as I could the following week, but he just wouldn't wait. The day he passed - one day before his vet appointment - I went in to feed him and found him in the middle of a seizure. I gave him a sugar/honey/water mixture in case it was low blood sugar, and Chris rushed him to the vet for an emergency appointment. They said his outlook was such that we should let him go, so we did. From what they could determine, either the adrenal went haywire, there was underlying (or concomitant) cancer that spread, or something of both.

Less than a month ago, he was fine. Active (frisky, really), a good weight, alert, eating well, you name it. And in a way that's good, because he didn't suffer and had only a few days of discomfort before he left us. And it was a painful decision, but not really a difficult one - there wasn't really any other option for him. But it was so terribly sudden. I was sure we'd be able to get him some help and keep him with us at least a few more months.

I'm still having a hard time processing it. I can't believe that we only have 2 ferrets. I can't believe I don't have any more little dudes. I can't believe how godawful *calm* it is around here.



I miss you, little buddy.

A Little Trick

Wow! I never knew so many people were as obsessed with their knees and elbows as I am! Something I should have mentioned in my Best of Beauty post that slipped my mind is just for moisturizing these difficult areas. My dear friend, the always-delightful Sand, shared it with me (I think she said she got it from Tyra) after I confessed my elbow-preoccupation on the frag board.

You know how they have special gloves and socks for moisturizing your hands and feet? Make some for your joints! Take a pair of socks - I use the über-plushy kind you can get at Target and other such spots, which are often called "spa" socks - and cut off the toes. Voilà! Elbow/knee gloves! The little bend the manufacturers put in for your heel is perfect for housing your knees/elbows. Obviously, you need socks that go beyond those super-low anklets they make. I slather the moisturizer of choice on the desired location, roll on the socks, and go to bed (or just let them marinate, depending on when I do this). Works like a charm!

I currently have some lovely soft blue-and-white socks on my elbows. I hope the sweetie who gave them to me doesn't mind my re-purposing! They make such cute little elbow warmers, and I know the results will be wonderful!

This will probably be the only DIY tip y'all ever get from me. Enjoy!

Apology

I'm not sure why, but for the past few days the blogosphere has been eating comments. Several comments I made on other peoples' blogs disappeared, and several comments that came through to my email from my "Favorite Things 2007" post have also vanished (and they weren't "removed by author").

So. If you left a comment on my blog and it's now nowhere to be found, I'm sorry! It wasn't removed by me - I haven't deleted a single comment from here in over a year (when I switched to word recognition to avoid spamments). If the spirit moves you, please comment again! I know one person asked a question, about the zit-zappers I think, and it's not there anymore. And since I have a terrible memory, I don't remember what the question was or who wrote it. But I'd be happy to answer it, if you want to try again!

Favorite Things 2007

It's that time of year again! I – and a group of fellow bloggers – have composed my list of favorite beauty finds of 2007. I hope you enjoy my list, and that you check out those of the other gals (whose blogs are listed, with links, at the end of this post)!

I'm always looking for new and fabulous beauty items, and in 2007 I actually found some! A lot, really! An advance word: a large number of my product links will take you to drugstore.com. Not because I'm affiliated or they're paying me or anything (don't I wish!), but because I am a lazy hermit. This is where I've bought the stuff I'm linking – because why go out when I can buy from my couch and have it shipped free? – and I really don't feel like looking up every manufacturer website. If you bargain hunters want to find better/cheaper places to buy these things, please do! And send me a message where you found them :~D

I feel I should explain my own "beauty perspective" so folks reading this can see where I'm coming from and take from my post that which is relevant to them. I am a cool-toned olive-skinned gal, age (for now!) 29. I have hyper-combination skin – super oily in some spots, super dry in others – that is prone to breakouts of both acne and mild eczema. I also have seborrheic dermatitis that mostly keeps to my scalp and behind my ears. Yucky, I know, but very influential in my skincare choices! I tend to stick to things that are fragrance-free and colorant-free whenever possible, and I avoid potential irritants at all costs. This narrows my "potential finds" field considerably, but probably helps me save money! Also, my genetics make me (so far, anyway! *knocks wood*) wrinkle-resistant; so although I do some prevention, aging is not as yet something I focus too much on. So that's that. On to the list!

Eye Cream
Paula's Choice Hydrating Treatment Cream – I have been on a quest for *years* to find the right eye cream! They were all either too heavy/greasy, not moisturizing enough, or inexplicably irritating (stinging and/or setting off eczema outbreaks). This one is fabulously moisturizing, yet it absorbs instantly and doesn't leave behind even the barest suggestion of grease! And ever since I began using it a few months ago, I haven't had a single eczema episode around my eyes. This is officially a Holy Grail!

Face Wash
Eucerin Redness Relief Soothing Cleanser – I love this stuff! I went back and forth between Cetaphil's Gentle Skin Cleanser and Paula's Choice Skin Balancing Cleanser for *years*. Those are both very good, but this is better. I was already used to non-foaming cleansers, so that wasn't an issue for me. The Licochalcone (a licorice extract) feels cooling and soothing, while – unlike most "cooling" ingredients – actually acting as an anti-inflammatory. My skin feels clean and soft, never dried/stripped/squeaky. Yay!

Nail Treatment
Barielle Nail Strengthener Cream – ok, this one does leave my fingertips feeling greasy for a little while after application. But it's totally worth it! When I remember to use this regularly, my nails are infinitely more flexible and resistant to breaking. My nails have always been "hard" and "strong", but they are brittle – if I bang them into things, they either weather the blow or snap right off. Usually it's the latter. Not anymore! And with Dolly (bless her little birdy heart!) preventing me from using my other strengthening method - multiple layers of polish - as often as I used to, this is more useful than ever! It also has the nice effect of keeping my cuticles moisturized :~D

Lip Treatment
Blistex Gentle Sense Lip Moisturizer (aka chapstick/lip balm) – this is perfect! Fragrance-free (*and* odorless!), no flavor, no "medications" that actually irritate the lips. Just a nice, smooth, non-greasy balm that leaves my lips feeling wonderful! I keep 2 backups on hand at all times.

Specialty Skin Treatment
Aveeno Maximum Strength Anti-Itch Cream, 1% Hydrocortisone – remember that dermatitis and eczema I mentioned? This stuff kicks their asses! I don't know if the oatmeal in it contributes significantly, but I know that this stuff is fast! Faster than any other hydrocortisone cream I've tried. Before I switched to the eye cream I mentioned above, I had to use this a few times on my upper eyelids and eyebrow area, and it performed beautifully – the itching went away immediately, and the redness was gone within a day or two. *And* it absorbs quickly, without leaving that dreaded (by me) greasy feeling.

Elbow Treatment(s)
There are several winners in this category, all of which I love and use regularly. I have to admit to a slight preoccupation with my elbow skin, thanks to my father – he has said for as long as I can remember that you can tell a woman's true age by her elbows. And for as long as I can remember, I've had horribly dry, rough elbows. Nothing helped. Now, thanks mostly to the AHA Soufflé (the first winner in this mini-list) they are soft and smooth! I use these on my knees and ankles too, sometimes.

• Alpha Hydrox AHA Soufflé 12 % Glycolic AHA – fragrance-free, absorbs quickly and without greasiness, exfoliates and softens like a champ! I can't say how it would perform on one's face, but on my elbows it works like a dream. My elbows are smooth and soft, thanks to this stuff!

• Palmer's Cocoa Butter Formula Concentrated Cream with Vitamin E – I usually put this on at night before I go to bed. It is *very* thick and heavy but somehow not super greasy. It smells fantastic (like cocoa) and softens pretty well. Mostly, I use it to give my skin a break from the AHAs, smell yummy, and feel nice for the hour or so before I fall asleep.

• Bathed & Infused Body Fluff – ok, this one goes on greasy for me. Lots of their customers say it melts right into their skin and is totally grease-free. Not me. BUT it is the most moisturizing thing I found this year. When I put it on at night, my skin is super-soft the next morning. And when my elbows are starting to feel dry and irritated and potentially eczema-y and I think it might be from overusing the AHA Soufflé, this stuff soothes them instantly. I use it on my lower legs sometimes too, when they're feeling itchy and uncomfortable post-epilation. I use this stuff unscented, but B&I has a *monster* range of fragrances that this can be scented with! I bought it scented with their Turkish Delight (which I adore – like SL Rahat Loukoum but better on me), but it’s too strongly fragranced for me to use it as a moisturizer. YMMV in that regard, of course!

Supplement
Nature's Bounty Biotin 5000 mcg Super Potency Capsules – I know, I know: "A supplement? Does this really count?" In a word, yes, when that supplement is biotin! I'm not a huge vitamin/supplement gal, and I've never found any specific correlation between a particular supplement and a desired response, but I'm a convert in this case! I'm not positive (I found this stuff towards the beginning of the year) but I'm pretty sure I founds recs for this on the oh-so-fabulous nail board at MUA. Biotin purportedly makes your nails and hair grow faster and better, and boy does it ever! I wanted my nails to be better, and I also wanted help growing out my hair, so I checked it out. Mine always grew pretty quickly, but now it's ridiculous!

A word of caution – this stuff works on all your hair. My eyebrows need plucking more than ever, my legs need to be deforested (I epilate and occasionally shave), etc. So that might be a deterrent for some. That being said, the unexpected and exciting benefit was to my eyelashes! You know how sharks have rows of teeth? This stuff has given me an extra row or two of lashes! Not only that, but although the length is the same (they were always long), they are thicker and fuller and just all-around making me very happy! Biotin is now a regular part of my health and beauty regimen!

Fragrance
Les Néréides – Impérial Opoponax – this stuff has been available for a while, but I didn't get around to trying it until this year. I didn't know what I was missing! It's a warm and soft incense scent, not too sweet, not too strong. On me, none of the notes are especially prominent – it's very well-blended. I can (and do) wear this in any weather, any mood. And for extra fun, I layer it with their Patchouli Antique, which I also discovered this year! MUA-er potionsandlotions recommended the combo, and it is divine!

Returning Champions

These are "older" HGs that managed to hang onto their titles, despite the many fights I put them through over the course of the year. What can I say? I love what I love, but I'm still always looking for the next best thing!

Hand Cream
Vaseline Intensive Care Healthy Hand & Nail Revitalizing Hand Lotion – this category is always up for grabs. I've tried many, both before and after finding this one, and none can compare. I need a good bit of moisture, but most hand creams are too greasy for me. This one moisturizes pretty well, absorbs instantly, and isn't the least bit greasy. I'm always looking for something a bit more emollient than this one that performs and feels the same, or at least similar, but nothing comes close as of yet. That being said, I've decided to add an honorable mention for this category:

• Bathed & Infused Honey Dream Hand Cream – this one applies as "too greasy" on me, but in 30 minutes the greasiness is gone, and I'll be the first to admit that its moisturizing benefits exceed those of my "winner". I just personally have a hard time getting past the initial application. All that aside, I have to mention that the "original" scent for this – Spun Honey – is to die for! It reminds me a lot of PG Un Crime Exotique – it's sweet and softly spicy, in a very "holiday" (to my nose and sentiments) way. And for those fragrance-free folks (of whom I am usually one), the unscented version is quite nice too! No overwhelming smells from the ingredients, same "feel", and all that.

Zit Zappers
I go back and forth between these two fantastic products. They are both well-formulated benzoyl peroxide lotions/creams that absorb nicely, have no fragrance, and keep my skin clearer than anything else!

• Neutrogena On-the-Spot Acne Treatment, Vanishing Formula
• Paula's Choice Extra Strength Blemish Fighting Solution

Moisturizer
Paula's Choice Skin Balancing Moisture Gel – I have never found a moisturizer to compare with this. Never. I don't wear "skin makeup" (foundation or powder) so this is my finishing touch and I love it! It moisturizes amazingly, absorbs completely (without grease), and leaves a soft, almost powdery finish thanks to the silicone.

Lipstick/gloss
LORAC Gloss Stick in Sheer Berry – this is my HG lippie! Many have tried to unseat it, but none succeeded. It applies (and feels) like a lip balm, has a fantastic creamsicle scent, and is the perfect cool-toned sheer red/brown. My lower lip isn't well-defined, thanks to a tricycle accident at age 2 (I landed face-first on some concrete stairs and bit right through my lip) so creams and mattes are tricky to apply. Sheers are more forgiving, and this is a fantastic sheer. And did I mention the color? My prior HG was very similar in color - it was Deluxe Beauty's Tintstik in Dot, before they added SPF and totally ruined the formula. There are other lippies that give this one a run for its money – Neutrogena has several shades of their MoistureShine Tinted Lip Balm that I like (Nude and Pure come to mind), Clinique has the ever-popular Almost Lipstick in Black Honey, and Benefit's Silky Finish Lipstick comes in at least 3 shades (Ruby Vibes, Fruit Cocktail, and Raisin' Cane) that are to-die-for! I could expound for paragraphs – I'm a bit of a lippie fiend – but the end result would be the same: nothing is as all-around perfect as my Gloss Stick!

So that's my 2007 list! Be sure to check out the lists my fellow bloggers (links follow) have put together! It's a great bunch of people who have all kinds of fabulous things to share! I've found many a wonderful thing through past lists, and I'm sure they have a bunch of new things for you – and me – to check out!

15 Minute Beauty Fanatic

Afrobella

All About The Pretty

All Lacquered Up

Beauty 411

Beauty Blogging Junkie

Beauty Talk

Beautiful Makeup Search

Beauty Hatchery

Beauty Jones

Blogdorf Goodman

Canadian Beauty

C'est Chic

Coquette

eBeautyDaily

For The Love of Beauty

Give Me Your Eyes I Need Sunshine

Getting Amped

Grayburn

HauteMommaStuff

Koneko's Beauty Diary

Makeup Bag

The Makeup Girl

Miss Whoever You Are

My Life,My Words,My Mind

Legerdenez

Perfumista

Periodic Style

Platinum Blonde Life

Product Girl

Shop Diary

Slap of the Day

Steeping Beauty

The Beauty Alchemist

The Daily Obsession

The Life Of A Ladybug

The Non-Blonde

Urbane Girl

Victoria's Own

We Love Beauty

A Considered Opinion

Parents of overweight children who bitch and moan in consternation about the size of said progeny while refusing to get rid of the junk food in their homes ought to be shot.

"Regular" soda, items sold in the snacks/candy aisle, and fast food have nothing to do with pediatric health. And if you don't give enough of a shit to adjust your dietary habits to help your offspring, then perhaps you shouldn't have reproduced.

Vegetables are just as easy to pop into the microwave as chicken nuggets, assholes!

The end.

Hello, Dolly!

A belated introduction...

This is the most recent addition to our family:

Isn't she adorable?!? Her name (which I finally chose within the last 2 weeks) is Dolly, though mostly we just call her Little Bird, which was her "interim" name that I chose when we weren't sure if she would be staying with us.

As tends to be the case in my life, she is a rescue. My mother found her by the side of the road back in September, and since she and dad couldn't take her (quarantine issues with their own birds) I offered to. I needed/wanted something to distract and console me after losing Doe, and - as usual - the universe delivered! Mom ran a "found" ad in the paper, and a few people responded, but none turned out to be her owners. And as she settled in and I got to know her, I became (and remain) convinced that she was never hand-tamed and was probably never anyone's "pet". She's fine with people in terms of proximity (I can stand right next to her and put my face right up to her and she's totally cool with it), but she does *not* like hands. Even now if she flies around and lands somewhere she shouldn't, she'd rather step up on my arm than my hand. She was also almost completely bald (we figure due to the stress of outdoor living, or possibly other birds picking on her either out there or in her original home), and we have no clue how old she is or how long she was in the wild.

Because of all that, I'm taking things especially slowly with Dolly. As I said, she's fine with people being near her - she just doesn't trust hands. She definitely likes having us around and listening to us talk. And she chirps her head off on the weekends if Chris gets her up and I don't make an appearance quickly! I get up earlier on the weekends now than weekdays because Chris gets up before I do, and she's a highly effective alarm clock! Thanksgiving day was great, because she flew and landed on the little table next to where I sit on the sofa. I guided her over and she climbed onto my leg, and then sat there happily for a good 30 minutes! I was tickled pink! And the next day she sat on my arm for 10 - 15 minutes, though we were right in front of her cage and she could have gone back to it at any time. So we're making some slow progress. I'd rather she make the decision to come see me than force her to move faster than she wants. She's calm and happy, and that's enough for me. If she wants to be my friend at some point, so much the better!

As you can see in the picture, her head feathers have grown back in almost completely. She has put on weight and gone from "starvation mode" (eating everything) to flinging out that in her food bowls which does not please her! For the first few weeks she was here, she also didn't seem to understand what toys were, or what they were for. I tried a bunch of different ones, and she eventually discovered the fun of playing, and shows a definite preference for hanging toys with little plastic chains for her to fiddle with and balsa to chomp. This is her current setup of cage and playgym, which she really seems to like:

She also likes to play with her ladders (read: disconnect them and fling them to the floor), regardless of whether she is currently standing on them or not! She's taken a couple spills that way.

The best part about her (*knock on wood*) in terms of joining our household is that she is quiet! She chirps a bit when she gets up - especially if I'm not there and her "flock" is therefore incomplete - but for the most part, she's almost totally silent. Just a chirp or a whistle every once in a while. For a bird this is almost unheard-of. I'd be worried, if she wasn't so active and clearly happy and secure. But all her body language says she feels safe and calm and relaxed, and she does lots of climbing (and a little flying, despite her clipped wings) and playing and eating. So apparently we just lucked out that she's not very vocal! And I guess I could say that she did too - goodness knows we spoil our critters rotten, and if she was noisy we would have had to find her a new home so she would have missed out on the good life :~D

I finally chose her name after poking around baby name websites for the past few months. I don't remember how I came across "Dolly", but I saw that it is a variant of "Dorothy", which means "gift of God". And since I really feel like she was a gift, at a time when I absolutely needed one, I went with it. So that's our new baby!

Another goodbye

It's past time I wrote this, but (as with all difficult things) I've been putting it off. Just over a month ago, we lost another of our ferrets, Doe.

Doe was one of two females (the other being Harriet, her sister) who we sort of adopted from a friend. The friend had decided to start raising and showing pomeranians, and while her male ferrets adapted to the newcomers just fine, the females did not. Doe and Harriet would hide behind things, and when the dogs walked by they would jump out and bite them in the butt or the back of the leg. Funny to imagine in your head, but not so much so for the poor pups, and not a behavior to tolerate or encourage.

So Chris and I have been caring for the girls for the past couple years, and I don't think I could have given them back to their original mom if she *could* have taken them back. I fell for them both, and they felt like they were ours very shortly after they moved in. And growing up having "play dates" with our crew, they fit in immediately.

Doe was always so tiny and dainty. She was the smallest of them all, and such a pretty little thing. As feisty as any ferret, and more so than many, and for a little while she still was a bit of a biter. Once she realized there were no dogs to resent, the habit went away and she was just my frisky, precious little Doe baby.

In January, we found out she had insulinoma. It's pretty common in ferrets, and we had already gone through it before. She had the surgery and recovered well. After a few months, though, her blood sugar started dropping again and we had to put her back on the steroids. Something happened once she was on them for a while, and her condition pretty much reversed itself and turned into diabetes. Ferret diabetes is almost nonexistent, and once we had stopped the steroids and run a workup, it became clear we would have to put her on insulin. As this is beyond rare, we had to check her into the vet to have her monitored while therapy was initiated. Unfortunately, either there was something else wrong with her or she had a very bad reaction to the insulin, because she passed away suddenly her second day in the clinic.

Although we knew she wasn't doing well, her passing was completely unexpected. I still can't believe she's actually gone, and I miss her every day. She was my Little Miss, and there will never be another like her.

Another person to hate

*Sigh*...

http://www.accesshollywood.com/news/ah6563.shtml

Really, Jamie? "... give him the benefit of the doubt"?? "... he really didn't know the extent of it"???

In his plea, he admitted to at least "participating in" the killing of "approximately" 8 dogs (i.e. that was the number of dogs they had evidence of execution, so that's what they admitted to. God knows how many really died at their hands). That's not bad enough for you?

He bankrolled the freaking operation! In other words, Bad Newz Kennels wouldn't have existed if it wasn't for him. And although he managed to refrain from making his own side bets (gee, Mike, how moral of you) he also bankrolled the gambling. Still acceptable behavior?

Oh. Right. He didn't know any better. People have to be told that abusing and killing animals is the wrong thing to do. And that financing illegal gambling is akin to placing those illegal bets yourself. My bad.

Foxx is officially on my Fuck Off And Die list.

And in case you were wondering, Jamie, paying someone to kill someone else is also a crime and a bad thing to do. Just so you know. Tempting (especially with Vick soon to be in a shank-friendly environment), but a bad thing to do.

An open letter...

to writers, editors, and publishers across the globe:

If a person is overcome by pain - be it physical, emotional, psychic, etc. - or fever or doubt, said person is "wracked". They are NOT "racked". Yes, these feelings might be excruciating, but they aren't actually taking the person in question, placing them on a medieval torture device, and stretching them by their limbs. Nor are they taking said person and placing him/her on a green felt table in a triangular pen with a bunch of balls in preparation for a game of billiards. Feelings can't do these things. They are feelings.

I am so unbelievably sick of seeing this [typo? poor word choice? I don't know what to call it] in books. Granted, it's not exactly high-minded literature (I see it most often in romance novels), but still. Get it together, people!

Sincerely,
A Disgruntled Reader

P.S. I am aware that certain dictionaries disagree with me on this matter (I'm looking at you, American Heritage Dictionary). They are assholes. The same assholes who added "ain't" to their lexicon(s), despite years of teachers everywhere telling students that, "Ain't ain't a word."

Random Stuff

Because I need to write *something*, if only to get something less depressing at the top of my blog, here are a few random facts/thoughts from me:

• I peel chicken nuggets for my cats. I don't eat McDonalds often anymore, but when I do, I get McNuggets. These things transform Tito and Garlic into vultures, mainly because for as long as I can remember I've saved the last nugget for them. I peel it because despite the fact that I *know* the inside is no more "meat" than the breading, I still feel like feeding them the breading is a bad idea.

• I think if I shaved my head, my hair would grow in curly. I have no intention of ever doing it, but the thought persists.

• I'm pretty sure my nail polish preoccupation is now on par with my perfume and lipstick obsessions. Thankfully, nail polish is *way* cheaper than frags and lippies.

• The little twerp who totaled my car is *actually* fighting the tickets he incurred while smashing up my poor Accord! I got a notice in the mail the other day that I have to go to court as a witness for the police officer. Grrr! I hope that asshole loses on every ticket. I will do my best to make it so.

• This past saw the 6th anniversary of Lore collective! We didn't feel much like celebrating last year, despite it being a milestone, but this year was nice. Nothing exciting, just dinner at Sullivan's. But that's all we need, really. Just feed us some kickass steaks and soufflés and we're good to go.

That's all for now. I'll end on a positive note. Hope all is right in the world for the rest of you!

It Never Gets Easier

It hurts, killing something you love. I mean *actually* doing it yourself. Not necessarily more than arranging for someone else to do it, sitting there while someone else presses on the plunger. In a way, that's harder. Because not only do you have to admit that everything is out of your control beforehand, but then you have to give up that last little bit. Give someone else that last, final authority.

But to physically do it yourself? That takes something different. Because after you give up everything, every last hope and wish, you have to do the unthinkable. You have to set up whatever is involved in the method you choose. That's after doing research, of course, to find the best, most humane method. And after you set everything up, you have to gather him up, which in and of itself may be difficult, if he's a fighter and uncooperative. You have to gather him up and say that last goodbye. Maybe try to explain why it is you're doing what you're doing. Maybe explain why you waited so long to take this necessary step. Maybe pray for that sign that never comes, that you made a mistake and everything is going to be ok after all.

And once you've done these things, these terribe, horrible, excruciating things, you have to do that last thing. That thing which will take him away from you forever.

That last, final motion is the hardest thing you will ever do. Because you know, as he will and can never know, exactly what it means. What you are doing and why. Taking his last decision away from him, his last feeling, his last everything. And he is gone.

And now his tanks sit in silent reproach on the bookshelves where they still remain, half full. Half full because in his final months, he was too weak to swim to the surface for breath easily, so you lowered the height of the water in order to make the journey shorter and easier. And it was what he needed. The tank on the right, which he never went back into, with sand on the bottom because you thought that might be gentler than pebbles on his ragged, tattered fins that had seen so much time for one of his kind, and survived disease you were sure would kill him. But he was a fighter. And you can't yet bring yourself to clean them out, empty them, because it will be the last thing you do for him. And you've already done so much, so many painful things, and you're not sure you can bear one more.

And you feel silly, feeling so much, so strongly, for one who was with you for such a short period of time. Who most people wouldn't think twice about losing, or if they did it wouldn't hurt them this way. You feel, somehow, like you failed again. Though you know with every bit of reason available to you that you didn't, you still feel like you did.

It never gets easier. And it shouldn't.

A loss

I just read that Lloyd Alexander, one of my favorite childhood authors, passed away on Thursday. I credit him and Tolkein with my love of fantasy fiction, and am sad to hear of his passing.

Look how freaking prolific I am!

*Another* post! In less than 2 weeks! And I still haven't shared jack shit that's actually personally relevant!

That would be because I'm procrastinating, and because I hate whining. And so much crap has gone on in the past couple weeks that I'm avoiding writing about it, and am instead writing about other stuff to distract myself. Because I can't figure out how to write about my own stuff *without* sounding like I'm whining, and I'm not ready to focus any more of my "free" energy on thinking about it enough to write. I'd rather spend said energy on fun things. Like this awesome survey I linked to from gofugyourself:

blogreaderproject.com/survey (Yes, same link as above. I'm thorough.)

It was a fun and comprehensive survey about what I (the survey-taker) like and what I do. As I'm sure I've said a bajillion times, I'm a compulsive self-analyzer. This poll was perfect. Detailed, but not laboriously so. Exhaustive, but not excessively (IMO) intrusive for an online questionnaire.

If you, dear reader, also wish to waste a good 10 - 20 minutes on something interesting and not too onerous, check it out! Fill it out! You might just enjoy it :~D

*Gag*

I know I belong to too many yahoo groups. I join a bunch, stick around for a while, then leave. It's what I do. It's why I shouldn't make "real" friends (different settings, similar behavior on my part). But I do, and now I'm being punished. I belong to a couple Weight Watchers Core groups that have been quite helpful, and I don't want to leave them. But staying with these groups has exposed me to one of the horrors of the internet: Incredimail.

This is some of THE tackiest shit I have ever seen. Chris and I have joked about decorating a guest room for unwelcome visitors in an overwhelming lighthouse theme, and now thanks to this "service", I have received multiple lighthouse-themed emails. "Cute" country mice getting into peoples' food. Peoples' names animated (or still) with penguins. Flowers. Stars. Rainbows. Stuffed bunnies. Precious Moments. Need I say more? It's like a bunch of 11-year-old girls got ahold of my computer and reprogrammed it.

Seriously, I'm glad any- and everyone can get on the internet. My WWII-era farmer-stock grandparents are online, bless them, and getting a lot done! But they're not wasting their time or mine with cutesy smarmy nauseating graphics in their emails. And honestly, I wish the rest of the world was on the same page. I feel my IQ (and the collective quotient of every group involved) dropping with every Incredipuke message. WTF motivates people to inflict this sort of thing on others?

Seriously, this must be stopped.

Hey!

I know it's been ages, but procrastination is just part of who I am. Sorry!

Something has me fired up though, and in case you haven't heard about it anywhere else, allow me to bring to your attention a consumer issue near and dear to my heart: chocolate.

Chocolate manufacturers and various other food industry groups/companies, have petitioned the FDA to change the definition of "chocolate" to include cocoa powder with vegetable fats other than cocoa butter. On the surface, this seems benign. And maybe a silly thing to get worked up about. It's just chocolate, right? But there are larger implications here.

Imagine *any* ingredient on your food packaging being able to be redefined by petitioning the FDA to change what qualifies. What if your "chicken" is now "any land-dwelling avian fowl"? If "pork" becomes "any quadrupedal land-dwelling mammal weighing less than 200 pounds"? Think of the money the food manufacturers could save (and the profits they could make) broadening definitions as they see fit! And try to imagine what you might *really* be eating.

The standards for organic labeling are already being weakened. Recently, it was determined that foods can be labeled organic if they contain non-organic ingredients, so long as the company can "prove" that organic alternatives were unavailable or priced into what they deem exclusivity. So that organic veggie soup you're eating might well contain non-organic corn. And peas. And carrots. And you, as the consumer, have no way of knowing if any of the ingredients you just paid a premium for are actually what you expected your money to buy.

I'm well aware that none of this is new. The reason I'm bringing it up is that the chocolate issue *is* important to me, AND there is still time to do something about it. The FDA just extended the comment period on the chocolate petition until June 25th. So if you want to save chocolate as we know it here in the U.S., or if you want to send a message to the FDA that ingredient labeling is important and shouldn't be subject to industry wishes, or for any other reason you don't like this proposal, please go here:

dontmesswithourchocolate.com

If you click on "Register Your Comments", they have links to the FDA site as well as a letter you can copy and paste into the FDA comment section, edited to suit your viewpoint or "as is" if you're lazy like me and/or agree with the things the letter says.

To arms! To arms!

Easily Amused

Something I started doing last year was collecting spam subject lines. I wish I had started sooner because I know I got some doozies in the past that are now lost forever. Some of them are so bizarre that I've been tempted to open them just to see what was inside (don't worry - I'm not that impulsive). It's easy to just click "empty" on that Junk Mail folder after you've sorted out what shouldn't have been sent there, but have you ever actually read those little messages? The ones they think will somehow trick you into opening something you really shouldn't? It's worth it, every once in a while.

My criteria aren't especially rigorous, but still there aren't too many that qualify. I don't go for the easy laughs, so all the porn and "body part enhancement" messages are out. Besides, they're really not that funny, after you've seen the same one 20 times. I used to save the ones that strung together a bunch of random religious/biblical-looking words because some of the combinations were so strange while *almost* making sense that they made me laugh. But they don't stand the test of time: re-reading them a few weeks or months later just doesn't work. So those, for the most part, are deleted immediately.

After Christmas there was a serious dearth of funny spam subjects, and I despaired that everyone reprogrammed their bots or something. But this morning I awoke to find several giggle-inducing titles, and hope was restored! I decided it was time to share the wealth.

So for those of you who are also easily amused, I present:

My Funny Spam Collection

smuggle ruffle

wopposite

gung-ho

Re: do cluster

It's not about slogans this time.

antler silence

them, money to fail: not be baldness upon your food month, Zif,

makes squishy noises when running.

in the land wherein we grope in him, I brought

Are molehill no sheriff

Or my wham

Which watchband so death

out of a naughty person, of their hooks were persuaded, that

gibe processor

Is my rhino

treacherous dahlia

Fred tried to change subjects to get Howard to do something else. [best part – the sender was "continental breakfast"]

watertight communist

impromptu pork chop

slovenly lover

my orange

And today's most shining gem:

it be semantic

Tagged!

My fellow snark-meistress, katiedid over at Seldom Nice Nowadays tagged me for this one. I always start out these things thinking "I don't think I even have x # of what-have-yous," only to find that I have far too many in every category. So then I have to agonize about which ones get left out, and how I can explain it to them without hurting their feelings, and why I'm keeping the ones I am… So here are my over-thought answers:


FOUR jobs I have had

The two worst – each hellacious in their own way:

1) Sunroc – I spent two summers working in their bottled water cooler factory. There was no air conditioning. I had to be there at 7 am (I was a teenager in the summer!). And I'm 99% positive that I was the only female there with all her teeth. I got hit on a LOT. Also, I am ridiculously clumsy – a factory is NO place for someone like me. I banged my shins on the line and cut myself on sheet metal more times than I can recall. So to recap: numerous undesirable advances; bluejeans in 100-degree weather (safety regs); *ungodly* hours; and frequent injuries, a number of which I still bear the scars from. A real hoot.

2) MBNA – 9 months telemarketing. Need I say more?

And the two best – each lovely in its own way:

3) Fox Theater – this was the movie theater I worked at my senior year of high school. I got to see movies for free (me plus 1), got all the popcorn and soda I wanted while working, made lots of friends, and met a large number of boys. All in all, the perfect high school job!

4) DNREC – my last, and probably best job (for me) overall. I was reorganizing the paper files of large solid waste facilities into a new system that was set up before I got there. I got to work at my own pace, read all the dirt (heh. I crack myself up.) on the local landfills, learn new stuff all the time, and hide in a cubicle where I didn't have to talk to anyone. Plus, my boss and her boss were *amazing*. Also, I had that tv-movie moment where I won over the curmudgeon (who didn't want me there and griped that I would ruin the files, with reason – the gal before me was a total incompetent) with my intelligence and understanding of the files and what actually goes on with the various processes in permitting, inspections, etc. Hey. I'm not cool, but I'm pretty smart and I learn fast. And I love making people happy, and I definitely did in his case. He actually contributed to some lovely writings that earned me a commendation. Cinematic gold, I tell ya!


FOUR movies I could watch over and over

I rarely watch movies more than once – there are always others out there I haven't seen yet, and I'd rather watch something new. So I thought this category was going to be painfully difficult. And it was, but only because I wound up with more than 10 contenders, none of which I wanted to cut. The final selection:

1) Spirited Away – this movie is so magical and whimsical, with such wonderful character development (I couldn't stand Chihiro at the beginning of the movie), and such cute little anime critters… I could go on and on. It's a great fairytale/myth-type story that most children over 5 should love. Most Miyazaki films fall into that category (I really wanted to put Howl's Moving Castle on this list), but Spirited Away is the one I've watched the most, and probably love the most.

2) Galaxy Quest – this movie never fails to crack me up. Tony Shaloub is brilliant in it, and as a sci-fi geek there are countless things for me to laugh hysterically over. And it never gets old, somehow.

3) Grosse Pointe Blank – tied for first place as my favorite John Cusack movie. He's slightly less angsty and more wry/funny in this one, and the supporting cast is great. This only slightly edged out Better Off Dead because sometimes some of the jokes in that one wear thin for me. Only a few. GPB has yet to do that to me.

4) Monty Python and the Holy Grail – do I really need to explain? Didn't think so.


FOUR places I have lived apart from where I live now

I don't have 4 places. I don't know if that's sad, or proof that I'm doing the right thing…

1) Milford (Delaware)
2) Dover (Delaware)
3) Philly


FOUR TV shows that I love

This was difficult because I'm pathetically enamored of television. I love many many things on tv, and thank God for my tivo on a sadly regular basis.

1) Battlestar Galactica – as mentioned above, I am a sci-fi geek. And this is a phenomenal show, all sci-fi aside.

2) The OC – yes, I know it's nearly over, and is getting horrible ratings, and is trashy tv. But I love it. I love the trash, the silliness, and the odd family the Cohens have made for themselves. And I love that Marissa is finally gone, and with her dead weight (heh. I need to stop.) removed from Ryan's neck, he finally has a sense of humor! He was always sarcastic, but now he's intentionally funny! And happy! If only she'd died back in Mexico… I'll shut up now.

3) House – this character is my hero, and this show is my salvation in a sea of medically inept programs. I'd rather have a doctor like House any day over some touchy-feely jerk. And I love that, unlike shows like CSI, I'm not screaming at the tv from halfway through the show because characters who are supposedly experts in their fields can't figure out something simple and obvious. Like the freaking CSI where it took Grissom and the ME (a *doctor* for fox ache!) half the episode to figure out that fruity breath = diabetes. Grrr!!! I could see if maybe they had heard the description and forgotten it till later, but nooooo. They jumped right on it and pulled out their medical books looking up obscure shit for 20 minutes while I shrieked, "It's fucking diabetes you assholes!" I have never had a moment like that with House. All shows involving science and/or medicine should be required to consult with people on the level of those talking to the House people. Seriously.

And, because the genre should be represented and Katie snubbed them all…

4) Judge Judy – I love almost all the "judge shows" (as I call them), but this/she is my favorite. I really do wish she would develop her own fragrance. She could call it "Beauty Fades, But You Can Smell Nice Forever!"


FOUR places I have been on holiday

1) NYC – only for weekends, which is the only way I can tolerate it. I love the city, I just don't travel well and really don't do people or crowds or noise well, let alone all together! The shopping is divine, though, and the food is better!

2) Atlanta – if I had to live in a city, this would be the one. It doesn't feel like a city, and the food there is on par with NYC. Love the churrascarias!

3) Florida – we did Orlando for our honeymoon.

4) The Delaware beaches, more times than I can count.


FOUR websites I visit daily

1) makeupalley.com – more specifically, the fragrance board. I'm an addict, and the people rock!

2) cuteoverload.com

3) ebay

4) tvsquad.com – I said I love tv. Did you think I was kidding?


FOUR favorite foods

Unsurprisingly, none of these are healthy.

1) A *good* cannoli

2) A good caesar salad (Houston's makes my favorite)

3) My white chicken chili. I got the recipe somewhere and modified it to my tastes (not very "hot", but lots of flavor). My version has won at least one chili cookoff! And while I have made healthy versions (you'll see where easy substitutions can be made) this one is the tastiest:

Creamy White Chili
1 lb boneless skinless chicken breasts, cut into ½" cubes
1 tsp onion powder
1 ½ tsp garlic powder
1 tb vegetable oil
2 cans (15.5 oz each) great northern beans, rinsed & drained
1 can (14.5 oz) chicken broth
1 tsp salt
1 tsp cumin
1 tsp paprika
½ tsp pepper
dash cayenne pepper
1 c sour cream
½ c whipping cream

In large saucepan, sauté chicken, onion and garlic powders in oil until chicken is no longer pink. Add beans, broth, and seasonings. Bring to a boil. Reduce heat and simmer, uncovered, for 30 minutes. Remove from heat, stir in sour cream and cream. Serve immediately.

4) And, last but not least, this cheese soup:

Savory Cheese Soup
4 tb butter or margarine
¼ c flour
¼ tsp salt
1/8 tsp pepper
½ tsp onion powder
1/8 tsp garlic powder
2 c milk
1 can (14.5 oz) chicken broth
2 c shredded cheddar
½ c shredded mozzarella

Melt butter in a large saucepan over medium heat. Add flour, salt, pepper, onion powder, and garlic powder. Stir till smooth. Add milk, cook and stir over med heat till thickened and bubbly. Meanwhile, bring chicken broth to boil in a small saucepan. Add to milk mixture and stir till blended. Add cheeses; cook and stir till melted (do not boil). I omit the mozzarella if I don't have it, or I substitute asiago or parmesan in its place for an even more strongly cheesy flavor! Any blend of cheeses is delicious!


FOUR places I would rather be right now

Nowhere, really. I'm a hermit, and I love being here in my house with my husband and my critters and my computer and my tv! Most people don't get this, but I'm well past the point of caring. I'm happy just the way I am :~D


FOUR books I enjoy reading over and over again

1) Good Omens – this gets funnier every time I read it! Both authors were in fine form for this collabo!

2) Wishes – this is one of my all-time favorite romance novels. It's sweet and funny, not overwrought or sappy. Not as racy as some that I love, but it just makes me feel good when I read this one!

3) The Stand – This book only just edges out The Talisman, and I think it's mostly because King has so many more amazing characters in the former than the latter. He is a genius at creating characters that interest me and draw me in, and he's a master at killing them! Plus his imagination is nearly limitless. I think The Stand is one of his best works, and I could probably read it annually.

4) A Medicine For Melancholy and Other Stories – while this book belongs on this little list on its own merits, it is also here to represent every book of short fiction Ray Bradbury has written. Because I can reread them *all* into infinity. I think I've just read this one more because it's the only one I have a handy copy of. They're all phenomenal, though.

There are a bajillion books that deserve honorable mentions, but I'm pretty sure my yapping is starting to wear thin by now (assuming anyone has even made it this far).


FOUR CDs that never leave my regular rotation

Lateralus – all Tool albums also belong to this list, but this is my favorite (very closely followed by Aenima)

Gumby – I stole this cd from my brother years ago, and I love it. LOVE. It's funny, of course, but there's also some good music on it. And I smile whenever any of the songs pop up on my ipod.

Hair – most people know I adore this album. But I must praise it some more while I have this opportunity. The music is awesome. The sentiment is as much, if not more so. Most songs bring a smile to my face when they come on, and if I listen to the album from start to finish I cry. Every time. It moves me.

Violator – DM makes great music. Period. This is my favorite album, but runners-up include: Songs of Faith and Devotion, Music For the Masses, Black Celebration, and Some Great Reward.

FOUR people I am tagging (no pressure, guys)

kyahgirl
The Oh-So-Fine M
D
RT

Form letters

I know people are busy. Especially this time of year. But there should be some point where the mindless envelope-stuffing should end and human oversight kick in.

I just opened two separate letters from the veterinary center where Muzzy and Harley were put to sleep. Each contained a paper ornament (for us to label/decorate) and a letter inviting us to the tree-lighting ceremony they will be having, remembering the pets who passed on in 2006. Each was addressed exactly the same way. Each said exactly the same thing, except that the name of the pet was different. Each was signed by the same person. So NO ONE thought to check, at any point in the chain of command/custody, to see if multiple pets passed away for one owner? This isn't the biggest clinic in the land, by any stretch. And even if it was, that's no excuse.

Any good feelings I might have had regarding their desire/willingness to acknowledge and commemorate the animals who left us this year were totally obliterated by having to deal with the double gut-punch they dealt me by not taking the freaking time to manage their mail better. It was bad enough getting the one for Harley, but minutes (and several pieces of mail) later having to deal with it again for Muzzy? Lots of people have multiple pets, and it is hardly rare that they lose more than one in the same year. Why even bother doing something like this, if they (the clinic) can't take the time to consider this issue? It's not right. It's not right. It's not right.

They should know and do better.

Former Glory

There it is. My hair. Well, 12 inches of it anyway. Soon to be mailed off to Locks of Love, hopefully to make someone else very happy.

And - shock of shocks - I *love* my new haircut! It's a chin-length bob, nice and swingy and slightly longer in the front - just enough for a ponytail. It was cute the day I got it when the hairdresser blew it out, but when I washed it and let it air-dry (my usual "style") yesterday, it actually looked even better!

I'm kicking myself because years ago, when my hair was its current length, it looked terrible. I mean terrible! I used a blow-dryer, curling irons, hair gel, hair spray, mousse, and anything else I could think of to get it to do what I wanted. And it never did. Who freaking knew that if I would have just washed it and left it alone, it would have been perfect???

So, to my hair: I apologize for bad-mouthing you all these years. To everyone else: go crazy and let your hair do what it wants for a day - you might be pleasantly surprised!

Halle-freaking-lujah!

Apparently I missed it, but ol' Dubya actually did something right. On October 6th, he signed into law the PETS Act, which will (hopefully) help prevent animal-related tragedies like we saw in the aftermath of a certain unfortunately-named hurricane. A good summary of the act can be found here:

http://tinyurl.com/ylk3kv (HSUS link)

Not that I thought there was any danger of him *not* signing it (Lord knows he's not famous for his vetoes), but having it done is a huge relief for me. I'll be the first to admit that I am way too emotionally affected by things beyond my control, and what I saw last year (the few times I got caught up and didn't change the channel in time) really did a number on me.

Anyone who knows me knows that I feel a great deal of responsibility towards the animals who live with me. Granted, there is also insane love and almost slavelike devotion to them, but responsibility is key. They did not choose a life of captivity, and they did not choose a life with me. I choose (I truly see every day as a choice, hence the present tense) both of these things for them, and thereby force them into a life of utter dependence on me. This is a fact. And the same is true for anyone who keeps a pet, whether they want to look at it this way or not. Regardless, the upshot is that in doing so, we take on the responsibility to ensure that they are healthy and safe and happy.

Where I'm going with all that is this: the PETS Act - while wonderful and (in my opinion) necessary - is not enough. I beg of anyone reading who has an animal dependent to be sure that you have an emergency plan in place for him or her. They cannot fend for themselves after a life of captivity, and in the event of an emergency they cannot free themselves from their cages/crates and/or your house. You can google (or whatever search engine you prefer) to find lots of help - the term "pets emergency" works beautifully. If you don't feel like searching, here's a decent link:

http://www.aspca.org/site/PageServer?pagename=pets_emergency

Even if you don't have an emergency plan for yourself, please put one together for your critters. I'm asking because they can't.

Goodbye

I'll miss you, Aunt Jane.


image from http://www.50birds.com/BPTuftedTitmouse.htm

About time?

I don't wish people dead. Really. But anyone who has spent much time talking with me probably won't be surprised at my stance here.

Steve Irwin is dead. My heart goes out to his children. I feel sympathy for his wife. But I am not sorry that he is gone. Especially considering the manner/circumstances in which he purportedly passed.

I have maintained for years now that this man lacked the fundamental respect necessary for relating to animals. Wild animals, in particular. He may have loved animals (I'm not sure one way or another on that). Certainly he educated people about them, and developed some good methods for dealing with them in captivity. But I have been predicting (hoping? such an awful thing to consider, but probably true if I'm honest with myself) that his lack of respect for animals in their own habitat would get him killed, and apparently that it the case.

Anyone who has watched any show of his on tv is familiar with his exclamation of, "Crikey!" But many people ignored or didn't consider the way he treated the wild animals his show often featured. Don't get me wrong - I am all for relocating animals (such as the crocs he often dealt with) rather than killing or capturing them. But plunging into the brush, grabbing unsuspecting denizens, pulling them away from home and family, and putting them on camera unwilling and unprepared? Disgraceful. Deplorable. Despicable. No living individual deserves that kind of treatment. And he did it on a regular basis. And there is no forgetting the infamous baby incident. If such shenanigans don't demonstrate a basic lack of respect for the other (non-human) animal involved in the scenario, I don't know what does.

I always thought it would be a snake or croc or poisonous insect that did him in, but I was obviously mistaken. All the standby medical assistance and antivenom caches in the world won't guard against a stingray barb to the chest.

The lesson here: all our human abilities to plan and prepare and reason are not enough to protect us from the world. Nothing is. And fucking with the other inhabitants of said world, even in the name of education and science, is a stupid undertaking if you don't properly respect their sovereign rights as individuals that may or may not act in predictable ways.

Goodbye, Steve. May your passing be a lesson to the current bunch of imitators you have spawned on Animal Planet and God knows where else.

Gone

I've avoided my blog for almost 2 months now, not wanting to post but knowing I had to. On the 1st of July, we had to have Harley and Muzzy put to sleep, and I'm still torn up. I feel like pieces of myself have been torn out. The holes are starting to heal, but they're still somewhat raw and tender, and I feel them every day.

I've lost other pets before (cats, and another ferret a few years ago) and I can attest to the fact that it hurts the same, if not worse. Ferrets have as much personality and spirit as any cat or dog, but we don't get to have them in our lives as long. It's a cruel thing, really, and we had already decided when we lost Tetsuo (their brother) that we wouldn't get any more because it hurts so much to lose them, but remembering that pain hasn't helped with this. I don't think it ever does.

Harley was our first "official" pet as a couple, and he was one of the coolest animals I've ever known. We called him The Anti-Ferret because he was very calm and cuddly, which most fuzzies are not. He was the Alpha male, and made sure the rest of them knew it, even in his last months with us. He liked to just hang out, and loved to have a beer with his people pals. And if you've never seen a tipsy ferret, you don't know what you're missing!

Muzzy was our little princess – we didn't mean or intend to ever get any female ferrets, but I fell in love with her and had to have her. I didn't check her sex when I got her, and we actually didn't notice for a few weeks that she wasn't a boy! We were both smitten, and it didn't occur to us to look. She was feisty from the start (hence her name – I named her after a monster in a Spanish language video I saw in high school), but so small and pretty.

Harley hadn't been well for months. We knew that it was time to let him go, but we were putting it off. Hoping he would have some more good days and at least be ok till Chris isn't traveling so much. But he'd been steadily declining, and hadn't had a good day in longer than we could remember. Or maybe we were hoping deep down he would decide on his own that it was time to leave. Stupid, if that was the case – although he was sweet and cuddly in ways most ferrets are not, his tenacity was classic ferret. He always was a fighter, and lived (in good health) more than a year longer than the vet predicted several years before, when he had several tumors and an adrenal gland removed. Muzzy had been having problems with her hind legs that we attributed to arthritis, though in hindsight I can see that it may well have been the beginnings of insulinoma, but she seemed to be in good spirits and not experiencing anything too serious.

When we went to let them out that afternoon, Muzzy was having violent prolonged seizures that wouldn't stop. We knew from dealing with Harley that it was insulinoma, so we got sugar-water and food into her, but it didn't do any good. Harley was in bad shape too – he had made even more of a mess in his cage than usual, and he was covered in poop and could barely move. So we took them to the vet.

Muzzy did have insulinoma and her blood sugar was 30, which is very bad (ferrets should have levels like people: <100, but not by that much). They couldn't get her seizures to stop either, even with more oral sugar (and we had given her a LOT) and rectal valium. They said they could try keeping her overnight on IV dextrose, but with her blood sugar being so low and having been seizing for so long, I knew there was no way she hadn't suffered brain damage, and (of course) they couldn't guarantee that doing that would do any good.

Chris and I already had an idea what we would have to do, from Muzzy's lack of response to what we did for her at home. And we already knew it wasn't fair or right for us to keep Harley with us like we were. So we decided to send them over the rainbow bridge together, and we sat with them while the vet did it. It was the worst, hardest decision we've ever had to make. Obviously, I don't know exactly how a parent feels, but it felt like we were losing our children. Harley was our first baby, and Muzzy was our first little girl. I'm still having a hard time wrapping my brain around it.

I've never had to put one of my pets to sleep before, and it's just awful. Everyone always says it's the best and kindest thing to do, and I know in my head that it is, but I always assumed that it would feel like the right thing to do, too. And it doesn't. Especially not in the moment, and for the first few weeks afterwards. I felt like I had killed my babies, that there must have been some other option I just didn't see or consider. The whole time we were in the vet's office, I just wanted to snatch them up and run back out to the car with them and drive away, and even now a small part of me wishes I had. But I know that doing so wouldn't have helped them, they still would have been sick and suffering. I know it's all my own selfishness, wanting them back, but I felt like I had done something terrible (and a small part of me still does), and I wasn't prepared for that.

I don't know if I'm overly sensitive, or if people just don't talk about these things even in this day and age, when most of us recognize the importance of our non-human companions in our lives, but this hit me hard. I'm still somewhat in withdrawal mode, saving most of my emotional energy for my family. And I have to say that my family has really been helpful with this. Having my niece and nephew local, in particular, has been a blessing. I can't not be happy around those two! But every time I let the ferrets out, I feel that loss. The other ferrets did too, at first. Maybe they still do. It makes me sad to see Kaneda moving into the Alpha position, acting like he's in charge, though I'm happy he's in such good health and spirits.

Ok, I don't really know how to end this. I wish I had some nice summary or something, but I don't. I just needed to share this, share them, so I could stop beating myself up for putting them off. Thanks for reading.

Love,Trina