SSDD

Every time I think I've neglected this blog too long, and maybe have too little left to say, something sparks me up again. And not shockingly, the subject is civil/human rights, yet again.

That fucking asshole "pastor" Rick Warren (he who was stupidly invited/allowed to deliver the invocation at Obama's Inauguration) is again pissing me off.

One of the supporters of Uganda's proposed [inexcusable] law that would execute homosexuals is Martin Ssempa. This heinous bit of legislation would also call for the prosecution of people who know someone who is gay but doesn't report them. Hellooooo McCarthyism. So sorry to see you again.

But I digress. The problem is that Ssempa is a pal of Warren. Ok. Past transgressions? HARDLY. When asked to comment, Consummate Asshole Warren stated [quote is from Newsweek], "it is not my personal calling as a pastor in America to comment or interfere in the political processes of other nations."

Really? REALLY???

Because let me tell you something - JESUS CHRIST had something to say in the matter. Actually, a few things to say. Something along the lines of, "Let he who is without sin cast the first stone" comes to mind first and foremost. Can you really not follow HIS example???

Or how's this - "render unto Caesar what is Caesar's" may be a little obscure for a dickhead who can't think outside the box. But if you are a U.S. citizen, then one of your foremost tenets is the separation od Church and State, right? So laws venturing into religious territories violate the laws of the land. And Jesus was clear that politics/taxes/laws have NOTHING to do with your religious views. So if you try to enact laws based on your religion, they violate both the land you claim to love AND the direct orders of the dude you claim is your Lord and Savior.

There is NO passage in the Bible where Jesus says anything HIMSELF about gay people. He has a shitload to say about FIGS (look it up - you will laugh your ass off) and a bunch of other things, but nowhere does he mention gay people. John and Paul and all the ther apostles can be as homophobic as they like - I don't give a shit about what they say anyway. The Old Testament rules are silly in this day and age (who doesn't eat shellfish, who isn't allergic these days? Who checks whether their sweater is blended materials?), and the opinions of the Apostles are as well, to me.

The only person who matters in the New Testament is Jesus, and he was mum on the gay issue. Honestly, if he were to show up today, who would he be hanging out with? Who are our (unfortunately) proverbial lepers? Gays/trans people/HIV patients. Who do you think He would have healed in modern society?

So, yeah, Rick Warren needs to crawl back in his evil (yes, EVIL) little hole. Or at least denounce the laws supported by an acquaintance, which violate everything he is SUPPOSED to believe in.

Serious reading

I know I need to do some more fun and light-hearted stuff, and I honestly keep meaning to, but then things blow up or are brought to my attention, or I start following ideas and get sucked down the rabbit hole. Case in point: the newest (probably far-too-belated) concept I've been introduced to: "cis" - as opposed to "trans" - sexuality.

Until a recent kerfluffle amongst the Fat Acceptance community regarding ignorance of privilege, I had never heard of this terminology. It is a simple idea - just the notion of whether one identifies with one's genetic/biological gender, or not. Most people know what transsexuality is, but the flip side - cissexuality - is rarely explored because society says it is the norm (so what's there to talk about?).

I discussed it briefly - and ignorant of this concept - in my the bad and the good post. I didn't name the cis-privilege as such because I didn't know the concept, and am still working on realizing my personal blind spots when it comes to privilege. But what I was trying to explain was how someone privileged in this way should try to view those who live on the trans side of the world.

Because recent readings made me wonder WTF this "cis" concept was, I went searching. And I found this fantastic blog post that I feel should be required reading for everyone in this day and age:

http://juliaserano.livejournal.com/14700.html

PLEASE check it out. There are wonderfully simple explanations of terms and ideas, as well as why people might or might not choose to identify this way, and real-world stories and examples that bring it all home. The comment section is also highly informative.

My mind is open, but I am constantly being reminded by the world as to how far I have yet to go. I welcome the correction and education, because I know the distance I have already traveled on this journey. I can only hope that those of you reading this might accompany me along the way to a better understanding.

Puh-leez

I know I haven't bitched about politics lately, and I'm sure you ALL were crying your eyes out over this sad fact.

But these new "deather" conspiracy nonsense really has me irritated.

First, I have to disclaim: I am NOT in favor of universal healthcare. I think socialized medicine is a BAD idea. Many rational arguments supporting this stance can be found all over the internets, or in your brain if you feel like thinking critically. That being said, I'm totally cool with the government widening the Medicaid system or providing something like a cross between Medicaid and private insurance, for those who are currently not covered.

But the notion that socialized medicine = putting the elderly on death lists?!? That is FUCKING RIDICULOUS.

I have read nowhere of the elderly being killed off by the numerous countries that currently have socialized medicine. In fact, a large number of older people in those countries have a higher quality of life (or less stress, at least!) because medical costs aren't a concern for them.

I saw far too many heartbreaking situations when I was working in pharmacy, almost all of them involving retirees who couldn't afford their medications. We often gave them massive price breaks, and did the best we could to help them figure out how to get the most medicine they could afford on their limited budgets. I can be a cold hard bitch, but even I feel that no one should have to go through that.

Even though I'm not the biggest fan of what the President and Congress are trying to do, I'm not so stupid (or aggressively blind in trying to promote my agenda) as to think - or want to make others think - that the proposed healthcare plan will be an old-people and unborn-baby killing spree. And the people trying to convince the weak-minded and ignorant otherwise should be ashamed of themselves.

Ok, I'll say this

The media onslaught and speculation and everything else have brought me to this conclusion:

I feel immense pain and sympathy for the child Michael Jackson originally was. He had spirit and talent and potential, and what seemed to be a truly bright soul. I can't say what his father's abuse wrought, what the constant onslaught of media did (remember: her grew up before the paparazzi culture, and before deciding to want to be famous meant what it does today), or where his own decisions took him.

I do believe that every life has a chance to bring beauty and meaning and joy to the world, and for a time it seemed that his life might do more than many. And for that, for the lost chances and the questions and the pain surrounding his existence, I feel immense sadness.

I don't deny or disclaim anything I said before, but being reminded of the child he was, and knowing my own history, I can't help but feel some pity. I won't say what kind, as this isn't what my post is about, but the pity and sadness and the wish for something better are there.

And I do hope he is at peace.

Icon?

I have pissed people off here before, and probably will do so again now.

I am not sorry Michael Jackson is dead. Not at all.

From the perspective (music/talent) in which he is currently being commemorated? No. He was *marginally* talented musically. He was a "star" and an "icon", but as far as actual talent, he was pathetically lacking. Genius? Please. I'm sorry, but no. Look at Beethoven. Look at Freddie Mercury. Hell, look at Josh freaking Groban. MJ had some moves, but so do a lot of folks. He could falsetto, as can a bunch of others. JT might have been inspired by him, but he takes it way farther and much hotter.

But for me, the main point is and has been for a long time now that he was a child molester. And as someone who was molested as a child, all this posthumous fawning and forgiveness is painful and disgusting. Yes, I know he was never convicted in criminal court. But the testimony of his victims, along with the well-documented civil settlements, leaves no question in my mind.

The world lost a pop figure and a pedophile. Forgive me if I don't prostrate myself in anguish.

A Lesson From My Cats

If you love something, set it free. If it comes back, it probably wants some food.

For those who have not seen her...

Here is my brave little Toaster!

As you can see, there is absolutely no visible sign of her injuries remaining.

Even better, there is little to no behavioral sign of what she went through. She is shy - most of our kitties are, probably because I'm such a hermit that people rarely come over - and sometimes flinches if Chris or I move too fast, but she never runs away. She faces up to whatever makes her nervous. Even more significantly (and surprisingly): she is SO nice with the other kitties! She always has a friendly sniff, and is happy to sleep on our bed with Elcy, Tito, and/or Boo (Garlic is too cool for school, and never sleeps up there). The ferrets make her nervous, but not fearful. She is a little more interested in Dolly than I like, but she has never gone after her - she just sits and stares till I clap my hands at her. Aside from her interactions with strangers and the other critters, she is very playful - especially for her estimated age of 5 - and physically affectionate. She hasn't been as much of a lap cat these past few weeks as she was when she first exited quarantine, but she sleeps at the foot of our bed daily, and seeks out attention from both me and Chris on the same level as the rest of the cats.

I am thrilled with how nice a fit she is with our family. Considering that we were very firm on our "4 cats" rule, I am pleased we broke it, and she has made it completely worth having done so.

More guilt

Ok, most folks know by now that I am plagued with guilt over my fish. They (the goldies - Bill was spoiled rotten, bless his little scaly departed soul) have never been in a proper-sized tank. I am entirely to blame - I didn't do enough research initially, and I allowed people who wanted to be "nice" to me (rather than yell at me, as they should have if they really gave a shit about the well-being of the fish I have decided to keep) to let me think I was doing right by them.

I have known for some time that I need a tank that is at least 100 gallons. I was fortunate to acquire my 65-gal from Freecycle, but have not yet found a larger one there. Instead, I have planned on a future purchase of a good-sized tank and good filtration system. In the meantime, though, I've been watching craigslist for something to come along that would do the job for (hopefully) significantly less than retail. Because full price for a decent tank and filtration system is going to be at least$1500. A rather hefty sum, which I would play gladly if the cash was just lying around, but it isn't.

Something popped up last month, but was quickly gone again. Tonight I found something that would possibly do very nicely. An auspicious start quickly devolved into a situation that has me upset.

I wrote with specific questions about the dimensions of the tank and the condition of it, the stand, and the filtration system. The seller also mentioned that they could provide photos upon request, and I asked for them, of course.

In response, I received answers to my questions, as well as a single photo. Then tank and stand look nice, but they featured a planted, stocked tank. At least 17 tetras of different varieties.

I started worrying, and wrote immediately, "I have to ask - the fish in the pic are NOT coming along, right? I'm assuming they have a new home? My goldies are big, and the older one is decidedly mean (as goldfish tend to be)."

The seller responded: "You can have the fish to . im in townsend and dont mind transpoting it there for you." (All spelling and grammar issues totally on his/her end).

So now I'm upset. Was I not totally clear? I have no need or desire for more fish. I'm too lazy a fish-mama as it is. I cannot handle a planted tank, or a tank with this many fish. The whole point of the new tank was to get a home for fish who need one, not to get a bunch of new freaking fish! And I can't put a goldfish in with the tetras - aside from the environmental incompatibilities, the goldfish would eat all the rest in a heartbeat, and I could NOT handle that.

So now I'm worried for those poor little finny babies - this person clearly doesn't give a crap about them. What would he/she do to them if I said I want the tank but NOT the fish? Don't tell me - I know. Worse, what will happen if I do nothing (as I now must)?

I'm angry, because now I can't buy this tank. I can't trust that all those lives will be treated properly if I try to arrange things how I need them to be. Which means that Goldie and Alfie will have to wait, and they have already waited so long. I shouldn't have gotten my hopes up, but I did. And now I know of a whole group of animal lives in peril that I can do nothing about. And I don't know what to say to this person, someone who has also had hopes raised - in a pretty crappy economy - that they might be able to sell something they may no longer be able to support financially.

I just don't know what to do or how to handle things like this - so many hypothetical burdens on my soul. And once the potential is there, it will always be there. If I was able to forget this sort of thing, my being would be much lighter, at least for now. But this tank, with its school(s) of tetras will stay with me the rest of my life. I will always wonder if they were ok, or flushed away so the current owner could pay some bills. And not knowing, I will assume the worst and feel responsible.

THIS is why I pay retail.

the bad and the good

The bad:

http://jezebel.com/5207676/marvel-divas-because-nothing-says-superhero-like-hot-sudsy-fun#c

and

http://io9.com/5239963/marvel-boss-were-not-sexist-just-loud

First off: *gag*, Marvel. Divas? Are you kidding me? You gave us Phoenix. Rogue. Storm. She-Hulk. All bad bitches who kick ass and take names. And while you may have discounted us, you gained a TON of female fans in doing so. But "divas"? Fucking DIVAS? Four gal-pal heroines who get together and re-enact Sex and the City scenes and personify pathetic old tropes of what it is to be female? I'm sorry, but this is a betrayal of the multitude of feminist fans you accumulated over the years. You debase your core female characters by allowing this pathetic mockery to take place on your publication's watch.

I am especially disappointed in Joe Quesada. First, to say (basically), "if you don't like it, don't buy our comics." And then to play it off as if what we are objecting to is the damn cover? That is the LEAST of the problems with the series. I can forgive all kinds of physics-defying boobage, physiology-defying waistlines, and gratuitous cameltoe. Hell, I've been doing it since I was 5 or so. He knows full well that the issue isn't physical appearance - sure, some people get hung up on that, but that hasn't been the uproar online and he damn well knows it - it's the trivializing of the lives of these female "heroines". Here's a sad question: in the Marvel Universe, is Cyclops "Big", or "Aidan"? And as a default, where does Logan fall? And how fucking disgusting is it that I have to draw this parallel to make my damn point?

I'd go further, but many of the commenters on the posts I linked to covered any and everything I might have to say. Except (possibly) this: All my spending money for the foreseeable future WILL be going towards the TPBs of Love & Rockets that I have been eyeing for some time now.


And now, the good:

http://jezebel.com/5239012/17-year+old-granted-permission-for-double-mastectomy

I COMPLETELY understand the need/desire for caution when it comes to life-altering decisions made by minors. Hell, I'm someone who made the conscious decision to wait to have sex till I was 18, because I wanted to be an adult and as in control of my life and decisions as possible. That being said, I have never heard of a post-op transgendered person suddenly changing their minds and wishing they hadn't had any surgery or hormone therapy. Ever.

When did you KNOW you were a girl? Or a boy? I've known as far back as I can remember. Imagine having that innate conception, that bone-deep knowing, only the "knowledge" was incorrect, because your genitals proclaimed you to be the opposite sex. Can you truly envision being forced to enter the bathroom or locker room of the opposite sex, on a regular basis, feeling you were intruding somewhere you genuinely didn't belong? This poor child wore a DIAPER in order to avoid just that scenario. A diaper. In high school.

I have known pain in my life. Pain I will not discount for anything. But I know and understand that what I have experienced is nothing compared to that soul-deep crisis of identity and self that transgendered people feel day after day for years. If not for a lifetime.

I bless the Family Court of Australia for doing this (what else to call it?) mitzvah for poor, tormented Alex. And I pray that the courts in the U.S. someday have the wisdom and compassion to follow suit.

Lippie Layering Madness

I don't know how many people I have consulted (whined to) about this, but I have been on a mission for years. The goal: to find a lippie that makes my lips look like all those models/actresses/etc. in magazines in the early-to-mid 90's. That brown/pink with the barest bit of shimmer, almost natural, not quite nude or MLBB ("my lips but better"), but something just beyond that.

I've mentioned my "color issues" here before - not only am I color-blind/weak, but my skin tone is surprisingly tricky. I'm a Little Brown Gal (sans grass skirt, shack, island wonderland locale): brown hair, brown eyes, and brown skin - though the skin is a much paler version this most recent decade, since I started freaking out about skin cancer and my crazy dark childhood tans. But I'm cool toned. Also, my lips are slightly pigmented - enough that if I didn't have an inherent desire for darker colors, I could throw on clear chapstick or gloss and look just fine. These things - plus scarring along the edge of my lower lip that limits formulation possibilities - make it ridiculously difficult to find exactly what I'm looking for.

But I have! Well, assuming what looks delicious tonight holds up in daylight, anyway.

I recently re-embarked upon my mission. My first stop was MUA; more specifically, the makeup board and then productville. I also consulted my good buddy Marta, who is as OCD about cosmetics as I am. After this, I headed on over to ebay. I hate paying retail.

Some of the lippies arrived yesterday, and I have a winning combo! I bought MAC's Viva Glam V (VGV), thinking it might potentially be a winner all on its own. The pink is great, and the pearly shimmer is dead on, but overall it's too pale. Also arriving was MAC's Slimshine lipstick in Funshine. I bought that knowing it would be horrendous on its own - too pale, too peachy - but figuring that it might be just what I needed if I had to break down and layer. And I did.

My go-to lippie for layering is MAC Slimshine in Prudeaux. It applies too unevenly and a tad too dark on its own, but it is glorious over my HG, Lorac's Gloss Stick in Sheer Berry. Once it was clear that neither new lippie would work as a stand-alone, I first tried applying Prudeaux and topping it with Funshine. Total bust. I got that tacky "dark lip liner with pale lipstick" look. I reversed the application order (Prudeaux over Funshine), and it was gorgeous! So I decided to try layering Prudeaux over VGV and it was almost exactly what I wanted! To the point where I emailed Marta and told her I had a winner.

But I can never leave well enough alone. My brain kept going, and a few hours later, I decided to try VGV + Prudeaux + a swipe of Funshine. Perfection! VGV gives the pink and shimmer, Prudeax gives the red/brown, and Funshine adds that suggestion of gold without actually being gold that pulls it all together!

Of course, I still dream of a single lippie that does all this in one tube. But I don't have to find that lippie, at least for the time being (*knock on wood*)!

This, plus my recent HG mascara discovery, means I'm free from cosmetics obsessions for at least the next few months! Maybe I'll go back to Weight Watchers?

The New Romance

I'll admit it with no shame: I am a voracious reader of romance novels. More specifically, historical romance novels. Ye Olde Bodice Rippers, if you will. I love reading about the falling-in-love process, especially when the author is good and there are believable roadblocks to make the story more enjoyable. And I won't lie - the sex is frequently quite awesome!

But, apparently, a new era has been ushered in! Echoing the timeless "lord falling for the governess" and "Duke enchanted by a bluestocking nobody", we now have the digital age paradigm: "Blogger falls for a commenter".

The meeting of minds was made first - a new order in and of itself - in that he found her blog and decided to follow it and comment regularly. He made several overtures, the main one being a date invitation including his Social Security Number so that she could check him out and feel safe. The date occurred, but she still held herself aloof. He persisted, and eventually they came together and embarked on an actual relationship. There was much back-and-forth on the blog, and numerous hints were dropped. In the end, the revelation was that he proposed and she accepted!

Maybe not the most whirlwind and epic love story, but definitely one for this age! I couldn't be happier for them.

And for those reading further, here is the blog post breaking down the NYT story as it actually was on her blog:

http://althouse.blogspot.com/2009/04/let-me-supply-missing-links-for-that.html

All the best, you two!

Seth Rogen: die in a fire.

As an actor, you have been blessed to be included in some truly fucking hilarious movies. I have no notion as to how much of that is your own doing, how much credit belongs to Judd Apatow, and how much is blind luck. I have been amused by you, emotionally drawn in by you, and - yes - even a little bit attracted to you.

But making fun of eating disorders? NOT cool. Do NOT play like your recent weight loss is due to bulimia (you're a fucking actor - your JOB is to mold your body to the next role), and do not make jokes about being thin with messed up teeth.

You should be ashamed of yourself, and you owe a gigantic apology to the millions of people out there with eating disorders. Yes, myself included. I may be self-serving, but I'm not making a buck off of mocking the horrific emotional pain of others. Bulimia is NOT a joke, and it is NOT a freaking punch line. It is a painful daily struggle, one that many do not come back from.

And Jon? Laughing and playing along? I expected better. My heart is hurting tonight, and I hope someday the two of you realize what asses you were. Though not at the expense of you or anyone you know or care about. Unlike you jackasses, I know the cost of an eating disorder, and I wouldn't wish it on anyone. Not even someone you know, a stranger to me, in order to teach you a lesson.

making light

Usually, The Daily Show doesn't depress me. Sure, it makes me aware of things that anger/upset/etc. me, but the show itself doesn't tend to do so. The Jim Cramer interview ep did, and now this most recent (Wed. the 18th) one did too.

Yes, the concept of "Snakes On A Plane" was hilarious (though the execution was horrendous). But 30,000 pythons loose in Florida? Not funny on SO many levels. Mainly, this is devastating from an ecological perspective. What used to take millenia of gradual migration now takes a few plane rides and a hurricane or two, to introduce a new species. There have been countless stories of nutria and those creepy toothy fish than can walk over land, not to mention kudzu, but this story is somehow amusing?

What's worse is I don't know who to be more upset for. There are the snakes, who were deliberately bred for sales (so not a natural number in any circumstance, let alone this one), and are unexpectedly competing for resources in a narrow market. I honestly feel that they are the ones who should be pitied the most - I can't imagine that the number of escaped snakes is remotely sustainable, so the die-off is going to be horrific. Then there are the "natural resources" (AKA the small wild animals and birds, plus the unattended pets) that this giant number of predators is seeking out; that population never expected or evolved to deal with an influx of so many predators! It breaks my heart to think of all those poor animals who would never have been in danger, now driven into "prey" territory by a scarcity of resources.

There are, of course, the people who these snakes "belonged to", who have lost their buildings (one assumes, since the snakes escaped) plus the animal inventory and who knows what else. And the people who will undoubtedly lose pets to this nightmare. Honestly, though, I feel far more pity for the "pets" than for the people who foolishly allow said critters outside alone and unattended.

As I said, I love snakes. I fell in love with a young boa years ago, and never recovered. So as difficult as the ethics are, someday I would like to own/live with one. If it wasn't already living on a diet of humanely-killed frozen prey, I would do my best to convert it to that diet, for the sake of the prey AND the predator. And it breaks my heart that all these poor young pythons are being forced to fend for themselves (to the detriment of the local population) because of human greed/expectations/money/poor planning.

My new hero(ine)

Barbara Walters! Check this out:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XjZmErjFhK4

"And that's coming from her!" Priceless.

And then her FACE. Her opinion of Hasselbeck is so obvious in the few moments of "The View" that I randomly capture when people I give a crap about are on.

Babwa can give lame softball interviews to celebrities for the rest of her life. I will treasure her for this moment forever.

"Americans Can Do Anything"

Yes, Bobby Jindal, like ELECT BARACK OBAMA. The guy whose economic plan we support in a majority that vastly overwhelms those who actually believe the moronic talking points you just spouted.

Here's the thing - as I've said, I am pretty fiscally conservative. There are a LOT of programs/projects in the stimulus bill that I think should either be eliminated in general, or seriously re-vamped before we throw more money at them. You know what? I also hate spending $5 - 6 for a gallon of milk. But I do, every time, to buy organic. Because not only does it benefit me immediately, but it also has a positive global effect. The organic certification/regulation system is far from perfect, and I could easily spend less on "regular" milk. But I refuse to save myself a few dollars now in an unwillingness to at least try to invest in a better future for myself and the world around me.

And until the GOP grasps this concept, they will continue down their road to dinosaur-hood.

Kids These Days

I get SO tired of hearing about how teens/tweens/children in this day and age are growing up with no values or sense of their place in the world. Sure, they have an insane amount of information at their fingertips, and unprecedented access to things that were previously reserved for "adults". And they often communicate in ways that older folks (myself included! I refuse to even check Twitter out) don't understand. But to say that these things have distanced them from their humanity is deliberately myopic.

Last fall, I was moved to tears by the story of teens in complete sincerity electing a girl with Down Syndrome as their Homecoming Queen.

And today, I learned of this:

http://sports.espn.go.com/highschool/rise/basketball/boys/news/story?id=3914375

A basketball player lost his mother to cancer, and wanted to play in the game that evening. He had been left off the roster due to his family situation, but he wanted to play. The visiting team argued with officials to allow it without a penalty, but the officials basically said "rules are rules" and declared that the visitors needed to take their 2 free throws. In a wonderful gesture of sportsmanship and compassion, Darius McNeal volunteered to take the free throws, and then basically threw them both away.

These are just items that were noteworthy enough to make national news. How many more stories like this occur every single day? I'm willing to bet that it is FAR more than adults give "the younger generation" credit for.

Same/different

Why do I feel like I'm on Sesame Street?

It's like I'm Grover (who I despise), doing that "near/far" routine. Only it's a red/blue "two Americas" scenario.

I consider myself to be a fiscal conservative and social liberal. I am totally for gay marriage (marriage, not the "civil union" sop) and against universal healthcare. There are many other examples, but these are the hallmarks. I don't believe in judging people, and I also don't believe in paying to support them. Do your own thing, and let my tax dollars go to support the maintenance of this nation, not you. I have a number of friends who are fans of different areas of public policy, many of which don't overlap with my own.

But I refuse to believe that there are two different "Americas" occupying the geography of this country. To assert otherwise is pathetically simplistic and near-sighted. I have a LOT in common with a lot of people who share different social views, as well as with people who share different fiscal views. I will never sign on to the idea that there is a "my" America, and an America of people who are so different from me as to constitute a separate nation. To ascribe to this belief is to harken back to pre-Civil War-times, and to expect/hope to divide this land into areas where certain beliefs/ideals hold sway. I could never choose which "America" was more my own, and I think that's the point.

Our country is fluid. Our leadership and representation are fluid. Hell, our beliefs are fluid! Do you truy believe the exact same things you did 10 - 20 years ago? I sure as hell don't! If I did, there wouldn't be a point in my ever voting again. But my thoughts and ideals have changed. And they will continue to do so.

The beauty of this nation is that, for better or worse, it represents the current ideals of its population at any given time, plus a short lag time between election cycles and social evolution. As much as it often pains me that we are still entrenched in ignorance and fear, the fact that acceptance and populism and humanism are on the upswing makes me somewhat optimistic for homo sapiens as a species.

Gee.

&*I can't imagine WHY I was pulling for a filibuster-proof majority in November... Fuckers. I'm sorry, but DIE IN A FIRE already, you foot-dragging bastards! This country is sinking in a tar pit and you want to freaking nit-pick???

No. Just no.

And Barack and the dems - shame on you for squandering the majority and mandate we granted you, in efforts to be "post partisan". Those fuckers will NEVER be post-partisan (as was demonstrated over the LAST EIGHT YEARS). Work around those assholes and save this country. PLEASE.

While you're at it, keep the nightlight on inside the birdhouse in your soul...

Why do I torture myself?

I know what happens (or will happen). I know how evil people are, and how realistically they can be portrayed. So WHY am I watching 24?

I liked that this season finally addresses Africa (initially, at least - who knows where it will go?). And I was amused at the whole This! Time! Jack! Is! Working! Outside! The! Government! angle.

But as much as the subject matter is slightly varied, and the potential for a somewhat new approach (given the current "real life" administration) is enormous, my personal problem remains: I am given to expect the worst from people. When a government agent turns out to be a traitor, or a Secret Service agents tries to assassinate the president's spouse, it's par for the course with me. But when an average person (or a government agent/employee) is portrayed - as so often does happen in real life - as laying down his or her life to protect/save the lives of others, it tears me up completely. Because I am not wired to expect that from anyone other than my family. The notion that a person could and would make that sacrifice for an untold (and unanticipated/unexpected) number of strangers who may never know the magnitude of their sacrifice kills me. I can hardly bear it.

I'm sure there are a million ways to analyze this, especially considering my own guilt/self-worth issues. I just don't understand why I keep coming back for more upset. From a tv show. Maybe I want to be convinced that this really happens, or could happen?

Hey!!!

No, I do not "Wanna See [Your] Pic's". I want you to stop spamming me, and to learn how to use apostrophes.

And I'm saddened that I no longer get good, funny spam subject lines like I did two years ago. Where's the creativity? Where's the pizazz? Where's the effort?

*Stress*

So we're refinancing our house. Now is an excellent time to do it - our credit scores are good, and we can seriously cut our interest rate and our monthly payments, which will mean bettering our ability to work on our other debt.

But apparently the financial institution (well, any of them would but ours does) requires an appraisal of the house. I guess to make sure we haven't trashed the place in the 10 years since Chris bought it. (Jeez! 10 years!) The appraisers are coming at 10 a.m. Monday (that's right - a.m. - *dies*).

While many things dissatisfy me about our house, I am now freaking out about the stuff I overlook on a daily basis because it's what we live with:

- The flooring is the worst - it's decent, but far from good enough for selling the house, thanks to the cats and ferrets. The ferret room is atrocious. Our stairs are totally torn up in places. If only Empire Carpets serviced our area, we'd take care of it! But no: the fuckers torture me with their commercials on a daily basis, but they apparently won't come to my home for a consultation OR next day installation.

- The paint: we haven't touched it up. In years. Our ceilings have marks from my clumsy attempts at assistance. We have moved/replaced fixtures like the doorbell and thermostat, and never painted the newly-exposed areas. There are chipped/stained spots from my clumsy behind smacking into walls with furniture and pretty much anything else. And with all the critters, we can't just paint willy-nilly. Being psycho about my babies, I just don't trust those supposedly "safe" (no/low VOC) paints out there.

- The banister going down to the basement has been off the wall for *years*, since removing it to bring our old and oft-missed burgundy sofa and loveseat down there. And I don't want to put it back up, since we'd just have to take it down again to get Toaster's cage out of there.

- Oh Lord, speaking of Toaster - what will they think of our quarantined kitty and her freakish gigantic cage?

- And again on her - the trim in the door jambs we had to take down to get her cage into the master bedroom and then into the basement!

- And Dolly! - what will they make of my funny little hate-bird and her sprawling empire that takes up a good bit of the living room?

- Our lame attempt at amateur crown molding should probably come down, but then there would be nail holes. Soooo many nail holes.

- The crack in the foundation - that's a biggy. We can get it epoxy sealed, and were planning to do that this year, but how will it look in just a few days? What will it do to our home value?

- We still have just too much STUFF. I have been de-cluttering like a madwoman, but it just doesn't feel like I've made much headway.

- The porn! Where will I hide the porn?!? And the whips and chains?


Ok, I'm kidding about the last bit. But seriously it's just so overwhelming. I still have up our wreath and a random decoration I forgot about from Christmas! At the same time, I know our house is in better shape than many, especially around here, so I'm tempted to just clean and say "screw it". But with housing prices being what they are, I'm afraid that attitude (and the market fluctuations) will manage to price our house so low that somehow things will end badly. Mostly excessive worry on my part, but sadly not *totally* unrealistic these days.

So for now, I will swim in my stress. Bathe in it. And hopefully, eventually, emerge on the other side renewed and clean. Hopefully.

Cross your fingers for me!

Note to self

Everything is available on amazon. EVERYTHING. Usually cheaper than anywhere else online, and with free 2-day shipping (thanks to my Prime membership, which is worth its weight in gold).

Cheese? Check.

Niche perfumes? Check.

Trampolines? Check.

So why the heck am I constantly forgetting this fact and buying things on other sites, only to discover I've wasted money? No clue.

So this is my reminder to myself - when shopping online, *always* check amazon first.

A raffle!

I know times are tight for everyone, but if you have a few spare dollars, and would consider spending them on chances to win items for a worthy cause, please check out this raffle:

http://fundraisingforlinda.com/

The gal running the raffle is someone I absolutely trust, and she is doing it for a wonderful reason. I donated a number of the items (as you can see by the donor names listed), and there are several things I intend to go for. I hope you will at least take a look and think about doing the same!

Poor baby

As much as I anthropomorphize everything around me, and often attribute understanding to my non-human children when it's really not there, I am sometimes reminded that my babies are not reasoning creatures. In this case, it's Elcy:




She was tearing around the house like she was possessed all weekend. All day, all night. Running into the bedroom, then back out. Running down the stairs and out into the dining room, then zooming back up the stairs again. She gets lit sometimes so I didn't think much of it, although it was excessive friskiness for her.

Monday she was invisible all day. Again, not uncommon - she likes to sleep in the bedroom all day and I was (as I have been all week, unfortunately) on a diurnal schedule, and I assumed she was up there. But when I went up to ferret-proof (close off the bedroom and guest room) to let Harriet and Podo out, she was sitting in one of the litter boxes. This is what our litter boxes look like:




So basically she was sitting in a little kitty cave. I thought she was just being goofy and weird (as is her wont), so I gave her some skritches and then shut the door and went on about my business.

But she never came to bed that night.

Tuesday she was still in the box. All day. When I went to let the fuzzies out in the afternoon, I decided she needed to come out, since as a rule the kibble is only downstairs and I don't keep water in the guest room for them. So I took the top off the litter box and she cringed and acted frightened. I shooed her out of the room, and the ran into the hallway and just crouched in the middle of the hall. As she ran, I heard crackling. I went to pet her, and she just cowered, trembling and growling at me. I've only ever seen her act that way at the vet, where she is unreasonably terrified. When I touched her, I got a zap and the lightbulb turned on.

Our house is very dry. Except when I'm sick, I prefer it that way as it's easier on my lungs. And apparently Elcy's fur texture is super-conducive to static electricity, and has been made that much more so by the lack of moisture in the house. Just walking around is enough friction to set off multiple little charges. All that running around and then the hiding in the litter boxes was my poor kitty trying to escape whatever was shocking her repeatedly! I can't even begin to imagine what she thought was happening to her. And I can't explain to her why it's ok, and why it will be all right.

I put our humidifier in the bedroom and turned it on full blast, and I set a big pot of water on the oven to simmer. I've gone through many gallons of water in the past 2 days, and the house is definitely more humid. Elcy is calmer, but still hiding out in the litter box, so there is now water and a little bowl of food in the guest room for her.

It's hard enough, dragging them to the vet when they don't know why mommy is making them go to the scary place where people do mean things to them. How do you comfort a kitty who thinks she's being tormented by invisible electric monsters?