Gloves

I love the British show "How Clean Is Your House?" that airs on BBCA. Partly because of the insane gross-out factor. Partly because it makes me feel SO good about my housekeeping skills. Partly because it inspires me to clean up around here.

What I hate? That they do the preliminary inspection and paw through the filthy houses WITHOUT GLOVES!!! People literally don't clean their kitchens or bathrooms for years (sometimes decades), and they slide their unprotected fingers through the muck and then hold them up to the camera. They use their nails to scrape of hellacious detritus from dishes that, again, literally haven't been washed in years. They pull giant clumps of hair and rotting things from drains. The pick up dead bugs. All with no gloves.

I'm sure this is all meant to heighten the *squick* factor (note to the BBC: it works!), but I'm honestly shocked that these women haven't contracted some bizarre disease from doing this. I'm equally - if not more - surprised that the insurers underwriting the program/studio/whatever don't require gloves. Lord knows that the few times they've sent swabs off for analysis, there have been some pretty skeevy results! Skeevy as in "organisms I was taught are 'rare' back when I was in pharmacy school, yet here they are coating entire rooms of houses." I remember one house where the dad had a saltwater aquarium, and he fed his fish raw food (squid, etc.) then went about his business without washing his hands. His ENTIRE house was coated with toxic levels of salmonella. They were a bit freaked because there were NO other organisms - the salmonella was colonized at such high levels that it had actually killed off any other bacteria!

I know I'm odd in that I buy boxes of latex gloves for myself, for doing things like cutting up raw meat and stinky veggies like onions. That's mostly about the fact that the idea of that gunk under my nails or smelling up my hands bugs me. But would it be so hard for these gals to pop these on? Heck, it might further emphasize just how nasty these houses are!

Aggie? Kim? Put on some gloves!!!

D-bag test strips

Are you really a d-bag?

"Studies have shown that up to 30% of coffeehouse and restaurant patrons are giant assholes who want to bitch about the supposed fraud regarding the caffeine content of the decaf coffee they made a huge fucking deal about ordering. The D-Bag™ Test strip is a unique new product that quickly and easily determines whether you are the type of jerk to jump up and wave a little piece of paper in your waiter/waitress/barista's face and shriek, 'I knew it! This isn't decaf! Here's the proof!!!' to the irritation of all around you and the embarrassment of anyone unfortunate enough to be accompanying you at the time.

Quick and simple to use, with lab accurate results - simply contact the test strip to the beverage sample and view results. If they corroborate your deep dark suspicions, leap about and shout like the jackass you are. If not, smile knowingly to any human who is unlucky enough to catch your glance, and smugly say, 'It actually is decaf! This time...'"

Cleaning house

I feel guilty about weird things. One of my huge hangups is upsetting people. Well, hurting their feelings - I don't mind pissing folks off. I'm not sure what the difference is in my mind, but it's there.

Anyway, I have some links to blogs I just don't read anymore. And a bunch more to blogs where the person just isn't posting. So I'm deleting them. I still love all the people involved, and enjoyed the content, but my list is too big and kinda defunct. I doubt any of the people involved will even notice, much less care, but I'm apologizing anyway. If it upsets you that I deleted your link, I'm sorry.

I am so lame.

Visitor

A few pics of La Bamba, from her visit this past week:

"What? I'm adorable! Love me!"

Too cute to be a book...

On the Super 80's Blanket

Scary yawn

Helping Chris play WoW

In the ferrets' peanut dig box

Really getting into it!

Supervising my dishwasher-loading

"I can look precious anywhere, even sitting on a dishwasher door!"

Staring Dolly down (she is obsessed!)

Dolly, pissed at being closed in (for her safety!) and stared at

She's just too cute for words!!! R & K are lucky Bambina is so obsessed with my poor birdie (and just a general pain in the way only kittens can be), otherwise they might have a hard time getting her back!

Goals

I have a number of small, unimportant things I want to accomplish in the not-too-distant future. I want to find a perfume that feels like a HG and inspires a modicum of enthusiasm in Chris (highly unlikely). I want to find the perfect Christmas gift for the friends and family members I'm shopping for. I want to sell (and get good prices on) a number of things on eBay that will be a bit of a hassle and aren't really selling well there, but are taking up space I can't spare at this time.

But one small goal WAS reached recently, thanks to the lovely Marina: I have TV fingernails!

Maybe you know what I mean, maybe you don't. Women/girls on TV with "neutral" nails (i.e. not noticeably painted) are universally wearing polish with a similar "feel": sheer or semi-sheer, pale, off-white and not quite pink. And I've been searching for *ages* for a polish that works like that for me.

My vastly mixed heritage doesn't help. Thanks to the blend of French, Scottish, English, Polish (we suspect, though it has never been admitted), Ukrainian, Russian, and (most largely represented) dark Irish and Greek, my coloring is confusing. People who don't know me tend to assume I'm Latina, Italian, or Native American, three groups I am not. I'm brown - dark brown hair, brown eyes, and olive skin. But something in my genetic makeup causes me to be almost paradoxically cool-toned. I look warm. Most color chart thingies say I *should* be warm. But I have the tell-tale blue veins that say otherwise, and the fact that I look terrible in most warm colors to support it. I am a "deep winter", though I don't think I look the part.

The other wrench in the gears of my search is also genetic. I am one of those rare females who is color-blind. In my case, it's more like "color weak". I am red-green deficient, and am what's known as an anomalous trichromat - more specifically, I "suffer" from deuteranomaly. Very dark greens appear black to me. Very dark purples appear green or black to me. Some very dark blues appear black to me. I have difficulty with lighter shades too, but it's more in terms of things "matching" than thinking lavender is lime. I don't see purples or pinks or greens quite how others see them.

Actually, "matching" is part of my color-blindness story. My dad is (obviously) color-blind. For years, he would consult me in the morning as to whether his ties matched his shirts, since he couldn't tell. I always thought his combos looked great! The year before 4th grade, when it became clear I needed glasses, my parents took me to the eye doctor. As part of the exam, he tested my color vision. Everyone (including the doc) was surprised to discover my issue! And apparently dad went to work and told people, at which point they came clean to him that his attire hadn't approached "matching" in quite some time. It's this knowledge, plus my personal inclinations, that has led me to wearing an almost entirely black wardrobe.

Wow. Major digression. The point is that I have found a few nail polishes I liked that, upon consultation with others, turned out to be entirely unflattering for me. It's hard enough to find reviews for polishes that apply to my odd-ish skin tone, but adding a deficient perception into the search makes it even more problematic.

But the search is over! I checked with Chris, and he said that the color is "subtle, but nice," which is exactly the goal! My nails look wonderful (to me) in all lighting scenarios so far, and look good to my independent observer. And it's a shade that, in the bottle, I would never have chosen for myself: Seche Chic. In the bottle, it looks far too warm and dark and pink for my tastes. But it is sheer, and I guess that and my own tones combine to make it work for me. It isn't quite YNBB, but it's a step better for me - *idealized* nails, like what I get with Essie's Jackie Oh My, but requiring fewer coats.

So once again, I owe the amazing Marina a debt of gratitude! I don't think I'll ever regret being selfish again :~D

Aesthetician

I'm kitten-sitting this darling baby (her name is La Bamba) for a week:



I woke up today to her cleaning my *entire* face. I was nervous at first, because with hands/fingers she tends to be a "lick-lick-chomp" kinda kitty. But she just wanted to wash my face, and was very into it. It was quite an exfoliation! I had to turn my head a few times, when she tried to clean my eyelids, because it was borderline-painful. But aside from that, I received the full Kitten Peel™ treatment!

If there are any beneficial effects, I'll be sure to report them.

photo stolen from her daddy's facebook page

Winter is coming...

to HBO!!!

http://grrm.livejournal.com/58155.html

Now we just need to cross our fingers for an announcement about "A Dance With Dragons"...

Ask, and it shall be given!

Rachel Maddow on Colbert!!! My year is complete.

(Oh, and Rob: did you hear him compare her to Benedict Arnold?)

THANK YOU!

To the citizens of the U.S., the planners and organizers, the universe...

Thank you for these fantastic election results! Thank you for hoping and working and VOTING!

We can only go up from here. The sky is the limit. Our country is on the verge of a massive re-invention and re-affirmation of all the things that make us great.

NO ONE LOST TONIGHT!!!

Broken promises?

Fuck you, McCain.

Obama's 30-minute ad/message/infomercial was paid for by ME. And people like me, who donated what they were willing and able to contribute. I only sent in $50 total, but it was $50 more than I have ever contributed to ANY political campaign. Because although I disagree with a number of Obama's positions, I believe in the majority of his platform. And I believe in HIM.

And I think my money was very well spent. I'd send way more, if we had it to spare.

Broken promises? My ass!

The book meme

I so love memes! Especially quick and easy ones! I was tagged for this one by Medicated Rabbit, Bi-polar Bunny.

Here are the rules: Grab the nearest book. Open the book to page 56. Find the fifth sentence. Post the text of the next two to five sentences in your journal/blog along with these instructions. Don't dig for your favorite book, the cool book, or the intellectual one: pick the CLOSEST. Tag five other people to do the same.

The book closest to me is Comic Book Tattoo, a compilation of short graphic stories (AKA cartoons/comics) based on Tori Amos songs. It's really cool and well-done, but the book is huge - it's on the end table right next to me because I can't think of where else to put it that it'll fit! Another unhelpful fact: the pages aren't numbered. So I counted 56 pages into the content, and (in part of the story based on "Little Earthquakes"), found this:

"I didn't even think about him. He lives in San Francisco. Sometimes he comes and visits for a weekend. Once he taught me how to make scones."


And I would like to tag:

Risa at No One Knows Why the Wolf Laughs

Bela at Slap of the Day

Tammy at What's in Tammy's Closet

Sali at Pink Manhattan

Jonna at Jonniker

Palpable Anger

This is the letter I sent out today (3 copies, one to each of the co-owners of the clinic I take our furbabies to), with identifying info redacted:

Xxxxxxx X. Xxxx
### Xxxxxxx Xxx
Xxxxxxxxxx, XX #####
October 9, 2008


Dr. D
Wxxxxxxxx Animal Hospital
#### Xxxxxxxxx Xxxx
Xxxxxxxxxx, XX #####


Dear Dr. D:

I am writing to you and to the other co-owners of Wxxxxxxxx Animal Hospital to express my deep anger and disappointment in the events following my most recent visit.

Last week, I brought a cat, Toaster, in to be examined. She is a stray that I took into my care after attempts to locate her original owners yielded no results. She had several wounds on her side, but apart from those she was happy, healthy, and friendly. She saw Dr. Cxxxxxx.

The visit went just fine, and I was advised that since her bites were of unknown origin, she will have to be quarantined for 6 months on suspicion of rabies exposure, and immunized at 5 months assuming no symptoms develop. I signed an agreement to this effect, and upon arriving home returned her to the guest bedroom where she had already been quarantined.

What I was not advised of was that Animal Control and the Department of Health and Social Services would be informed. I understand the necessity for this, and it makes perfect sense, but I think it would have been appropriate (and bare bones good customer/patient care) for someone to let me know this would be happening. I was also not informed of the very specific enclosure requirements DHSS mandates for home quarantining. I only discovered this when their letter arrived today, requiring compliance within 10 days. It has been a week since I visited your hospital. A week in which I could have been obtaining a cage that fits these requirements, or the materials to build said cage.

I have trusted the care of my animal companions to this facility and the staff there for years now, and I feel that this trust has been violated. I tried to do a good thing for an animal that had no home, no family, and no medical care. And I wasn't shown basic common courtesy or provided with vital information for the care of this animal.

The main reason I am writing is to bring this issue to your attention. This can not have been the first animal brought in with unknown bites. I feel that in the future, the people providing the care for these animals should be given all relevant information at the time of the visit by your staff.

Thank you for taking the time to read this.


Sincerely,

Me

I had forgotten...

how desperately, disbelievingly, deliriously joyful a cat is, when taken in from the street. Of course, I mean a cat who has had a former home, not a feral kitty!

I just brought in a small, gray female kitty who had been hiding under my neighbors' shed the past few days, if not longer. I asked if she was theirs first, of course. I had seen her poke her head out a few times, and I saw her licking something out of a tupperware container (so I think/hope they had been providing her food or water of some sort), but she was shy. I spent most of an hour by the fence with some kibble, trying to get her to come to me. She had that face that said she wanted to, but was scared. She has a large scabbed-over area on her flank that makes me think other neighborhood animals - probably cats but possibly humans, unfortunately - got to her a little while ago.

Once she came over for the food, she went crazy wanting attention. Rubbing herself against my hands through the fence and meowing and purring. It was then I checked with the neighbors, and got permission to take her. She followed me nervously out from their yard. That fence and the shed were real shelter and safety. But she came with me, and let me pick her up and bring her inside. I immediately took her upstairs to avoid contact with my kitties.

I brought her a litter box, a can of food, and fresh, clean water. A kitty bed I scooted under the human bed so she could hide and be comfy. A blanket for the floor, so she could lay down in the open if she wanted. I came back downstairs and posted "found" ads online. I went back up a few times to be sure she was ok. The first couple times she was hiding under the bed under the far back corner. She came out after I called her and rubbed my fingers together for a minute or so.

The last time I went up, she was laying out on the blanket. She came right to me and wanted attention. As before, I lied down on the blanket so she could have the attention she wanted without being forced. She rubbed all over me as she had the previous times, but then she looked up at the bed, looked at me, then looked at the bed again. It was like she was saying, "Can we please go up there?"

Of course I got in bed immediately, and she jumped right up. She couldn't settle down for at least 10 minutes. She was going from one side to the other, getting me to pet her with both hands, lying down for a moment only to get right back up...

Finally, she was able to be still and lie down. She relaxed more and more. She curled up against my side. She slept. Really slept. She licked her wounds a bit. She scratched her ears. She stretched out and put her head completely down.

And I nearly wept. It's hard to put yourself in that place - having no one, not being physically safe for who knows how long, having no sure supply of food or water. Being with an animal who realizes that they are *finally* safe and ok is a beautiful thing.

And I realized again all the things I had forgotten since Boo showed up on our patio, more than 5 years ago now. I forgot that cats can have dirty feet. It's an easy thing to forget, when your kitties are inside and safe, and have the leisure time to keep themselves properly clean. I forgot how rare and special it is for a cat to truly zonk out around you. Mine do it all the time. They'll be dead to the world until I touch them and startle them awake. That's how safe and comfortable they are here, even with their petty differences amongst themselves.

And I forgot how astounding and touching it is for an animal you met just a few hours earlier to curl up next to you and fall fast asleep, that frantic purring turning to silence because at last that creature can truly rest and relax. It is humbling, to have an animal trust me that much. And it is a feeling I will do my best not to forget again, and to never take for granted.

perspective

If you aren't familiar with it, you really should be watching The Rachel Maddow Show on MSNBC (channel 356 on Directv, airing at 9 pm with repeats at 11 pm and 3 am that I know about, if not more).

Not only is she smart and quick and *funny*, but she also highlights a lot of things the mainstream media misses. And she is freaked out by a lot of things that people with foresight and rational minds are freaked out about.

I'm waiting anxiously for her to appear on The Daily Show or The Colbert Report. A lot of us are. *hint hint Jon and Stephen*...

On ice

So, yeah. I sprained my fucking ankle last night. A very mild sprain, but it still hurts like a bitch if I try to walk on it "normally" or if I turn it the wrong way. Luckily the swelling is minimal, I can put some weight on it, and I am in the fortunate position of being able to sit around on my ass for days on end.

Thank goodness Acme delivers! I'll be fully stocked in sodas, convenience foods, and Ace bandages by 2:30 pm tomorrow.

Disappointment

So I decided to DVR "Whatever, Martha!" (on the Fine Living Network, whatever the fuck that is). Early press hailed it as MST3K for the Martha Stewart show. I've been known to snark a bit myself (I know you're shocked - please contain yourself) and was looking forward to some fun. Martha is SO eminently snark-able! Instead, I'm faced with her daughter (Alexis Stewart) and a "friend" (Jennifer Koppelman Hutt) proving that they are capable of neither intelligent thought NOR true snark.

There are too many bad jokes/comments to list them ALL here without boring myself out of my mind, but I have to mention a few.

Ooh! Math! No one watching could possibly be capable of basic addition or subtraction! "Eunh??!" + a scrunchy face does NOT equal humorous commentary. And wow. A joke about having (plural) therapists. Steal from SNL much? Seriously - they commented her outfits to death. It's fucking Martha Stewart! Of course she wears ridiculous clothes! Are you telling me you grew up with her and that's all you can come up with? Please. And you dropped the f-bomb once and it got bleeped! You're totally speaking to the youth culture! *sigh* And heaven forfend we accept our bodies - nudity in the locker room?!? How dare females transitioning from a workout/shower to their street clothes (in a supposedly safe environment) DARE to allow their anatomy to go uncovered for a moment? Just because you, Jennifer, are uncomfortable with your body, doesn't mean the rest of us should be. Grow the fuck up! You mentioned you have children - are you seriously raising them with these neuroses? You have such a problem with people (male AND female) being comfortable in a naked but non-sexual environment? I pity you. I truly do.


Enough bitching. I will now mention the few highlights (the ones that actually made me laugh):


- a joke about Martha's comment that she uses a rubber mat to protect her knees when she kneels. And that fell flat because while the innuendo was clear, they did nothing with it. If you're going to joke about blow jobs (please do!) actually make the jokes. And have them be good!

- Commentary on the guy who is a "twine collector" - Jennifer: "He's sexually turned on by twine." Alexis: "There's a hole in it." This did actually crack me up.

- More on twine: "It looks like a coconut." I only mention this because I said it a millisecond before the chick on the show did (no, I couldn't tell which). It always makes me inexplicably happy when something I think/say is repeated on the tv show I'm commenting on.


Sadly missed? Jokes about "holding the tip" and "squeeze with this hand and hold with this hand" and doing "anything you like" in the cupcake icing segment. Seriously? This is cable! No cock humor?

I'm sure the show suffered a bit because Martha was actively involved. I'm glad she has at least a modicum of humor about herself and her image, but her involvement most likely inhibited what could have been a truly entertaining show. If only they had waited the 20+ years for copyrights to expire, and really applied the rapier!

I think the worst part is that my friends and I can do (and have done!) similar but better to Martha and a number of other shows. Why watch this, when I can record any old thing and then do a better job with people I actually give a shit about?


Alexis? Your mom kicks your ass. I will tune in for a few more shows, until the fall schedule really gets underway. Either it will improve by then, or I will have lost my patience. Current tv programming and Netflix leave no room for subpar shows. I wish this one hadn't registered so poorly so soon. I was really looking forward to it!

Wine + CNN

= donations to the Obama/Biden campaign. I can't wait till my magnet gets here!

I'm so glad there are journalists (and blogs) picking apart political speeches now. The one time I did it (was it almost 3 years ago already?!?) it was a lot of work and infuriated me. I'd much rather hang out on Jezebel and snark with a bunch of likeminded folks who are as in-the-moment outraged as I!

Kiki, I hope you have an extra room or two available in case things go to shit in November!

Fuck Fruit Sensations

I don't give a shit how long the flavor lasts. What I do give a shit about it the new "15 piece pack" gum packaging from Extra - it SUCKS!!!

I'm sure if one is a person who carries a teeny tiny purse, or if one is a dude who for some reason needs to carry 15 sticks of gum in his pocket, it's an improvement. But it's a bitch to get the gum out of the package now, and the package is a pain in the ass to close. Why even make a lid/closure on it? Every piece is glued in so tightly you have to give yourself cardboard cuts to remove one!

Saddest of all is that I will continue to suffer, because nothing makes me happier than sugar-free watermelon flavored gum. I waited years for it. So as much as principle has me wanting to boycott the punks, I just can't do it.

I am weak. WEAK!

More importantly

Holy shit! I just rated Chris on good old Doctor Crane's scale (don't know why I didn't do it earlier).

78.5! And that's being nitpicky with the points! The online check +/- version gave him a 110!

So that's it, my husband is "very superior". I knew that long ago, of course - it's part of why I snatched him up! - but it's still daunting. There are a few areas I wish that scale addressed for the modern age, but most are unprintable...

Still, gotta figure out an easy way to score some points! Anyone want my red nail polish?

WTF?

Why is it that I can hate (HATE!) Rush musically, but love them on the Colbert Report? I love the intro replacement already. How many more accessions can a gal be forced to make in the name of pop culture?