So I decided to DVR "Whatever, Martha!" (on the Fine Living Network, whatever the fuck that is). Early press hailed it as MST3K for the Martha Stewart show. I've been known to snark a bit myself (I know you're shocked - please contain yourself) and was looking forward to some fun. Martha is SO eminently snark-able! Instead, I'm faced with her daughter (Alexis Stewart) and a "friend" (Jennifer Koppelman Hutt) proving that they are capable of neither intelligent thought NOR true snark.
There are too many bad jokes/comments to list them ALL here without boring myself out of my mind, but I have to mention a few.
Ooh! Math! No one watching could possibly be capable of basic addition or subtraction! "Eunh??!" + a scrunchy face does NOT equal humorous commentary. And wow. A joke about having (plural) therapists. Steal from SNL much? Seriously - they commented her outfits to death. It's fucking Martha Stewart! Of course she wears ridiculous clothes! Are you telling me you grew up with her and that's all you can come up with? Please. And you dropped the f-bomb once and it got bleeped! You're totally speaking to the youth culture! *sigh* And heaven forfend we accept our bodies - nudity in the locker room?!? How dare females transitioning from a workout/shower to their street clothes (in a supposedly safe environment) DARE to allow their anatomy to go uncovered for a moment? Just because you, Jennifer, are uncomfortable with your body, doesn't mean the rest of us should be. Grow the fuck up! You mentioned you have children - are you seriously raising them with these neuroses? You have such a problem with people (male AND female) being comfortable in a naked but non-sexual environment? I pity you. I truly do.
Enough bitching. I will now mention the few highlights (the ones that actually made me laugh):
- a joke about Martha's comment that she uses a rubber mat to protect her knees when she kneels. And that fell flat because while the innuendo was clear, they did nothing with it. If you're going to joke about blow jobs (please do!) actually make the jokes. And have them be good!
- Commentary on the guy who is a "twine collector" - Jennifer: "He's sexually turned on by twine." Alexis: "There's a hole in it." This did actually crack me up.
- More on twine: "It looks like a coconut." I only mention this because I said it a millisecond before the chick on the show did (no, I couldn't tell which). It always makes me inexplicably happy when something I think/say is repeated on the tv show I'm commenting on.
Sadly missed? Jokes about "holding the tip" and "squeeze with this hand and hold with this hand" and doing "anything you like" in the cupcake icing segment. Seriously? This is cable! No cock humor?
I'm sure the show suffered a bit because Martha was actively involved. I'm glad she has at least a modicum of humor about herself and her image, but her involvement most likely inhibited what could have been a truly entertaining show. If only they had waited the 20+ years for copyrights to expire, and really applied the rapier!
I think the worst part is that my friends and I can do (and have done!) similar but better to Martha and a number of other shows. Why watch this, when I can record any old thing and then do a better job with people I actually give a shit about?
Alexis? Your mom kicks your ass. I will tune in for a few more shows, until the fall schedule really gets underway. Either it will improve by then, or I will have lost my patience. Current tv programming and Netflix leave no room for subpar shows. I wish this one hadn't registered so poorly so soon. I was really looking forward to it!