Wednesday, May 10, 2006

Removing myself

So a little while back I joined a yahoo group (yes, I do this ALL the time - not sure why but I seem to love joining yahoo groups) for INTJs. I was interested in seeing what my fellow Masterminds were up to, what they liked thinking about and discussing, since I know very few INTJs. In fact, the only other ones I've ever met are fellow frag board members. Wonder what Kiersey would have to say about perfume addiction...

Anyway, I joined a while ago, and just recently decided to change my messages to "individual emails" to see what was up. I even participated in a number of discussions. I love to argue, especially with people who are intelligent and can express themselves logically and clearly. I figured if I could do so in any forum, that would be the one! Maybe I idealized the "type" too much, because just as there are instigators everywhere, I ran into a few there.

As I said, I love to argue. But this is provided that the other person/people are actually making rational points. Instead, I'm dealing with button-pushers who want to invoke an emotional response and undermine me that way, rather than address my statements. WTF? Emotionalism, sweeping generalizations, and name-calling have no place in a debate, as far as I'm concerned. If people can't their points rationally and logically, I really have no use for them.

So, as I often do with groups (and people) I no longer take pleasure in associating with, I'm distancing myself. This is usually followed by removal, though not always. But really - why waste my time and emotional energy in a situation that brings me nothing but irritation? There are a few people there who really have interesting things to say, so I may stick around, but the bad apples really have spoiled the barrel for me.

I'm often curious about how many other people respond similarly to this sort of situation. I can be a little too generous in dealing with others and giving them the benefit of the doubt, but once someone crosses the line with me that's pretty much it. I've cut a number of people off in my life, and I honestly have no regrets about it. Well, that's not quite accurate - I have no regrets about cutting them off, but I do have regrets about engaging with them in the first place. I know I'm supposed to be "intuitive" and "judging" as an INTJ, but when my intuition leads me astray and I judge someone incorrectly as being worthy of my time/emotion/trust, it really aggravates me.

So I remove myself.


red-queen said...

Have you ever seen the Monty Python argument sketch? (Here's a link to the entire dialogue, just in case you haven't:
Both in real life and on the internet, I find most people's logic and debate skills to be subpar. Lots of fuzzy thinking going on. The difference is, in real life I may be willing to continue in relationship with a person despite his or her fuzzy thinking, because of some other benefits or some emotional attachment. On the internet? Not so much. I think you're perfectly justified in walking away if the group doesn't suit your needs. Life's too short!

Trina said...

I *have*! Seen the sketch, I mean. I think I've seen most MP sketches, thanks to BBCA and the DVD sets :~D

And I agree - when I want an argument/debate/what-have-you, I want a GOOD one! Otherwise, what's the point?

Still debating walking away here, but I truly appreciate your input!

Sali said...

Oh,'s hard to find forums where I'm comfortable. I can't imagine being in a room full of people who call themselves Masterminds even if that's how INTJs are known. LOL. As if people didn't have ego problems without such a label.

I've removed myself from forums, not because the members were all attacking me, but if there's one person who's severely unpleasant in the room all the time, I tend to withdraw. I know some people have been offended by the way I withdraw but I don't need to aggravate myself.

Hey, you're a heck of a debater! You're without a doubt one of the brightest people I've ever met in cyberspace. But just because other people are INTJs doesn't mean they're as smart or as nice or even as sane as you. There are other rooms where you'll bump into other INTJs along the way. Btw, I hope I haven't been too rough with you on one of the forums...I'm a debater, too, and I like to win. LOL. But I don't like to hurt others if I can help it. I'm sorry if you've been hurt by anything I've said. I try to be reasonable even if I have a little bit of that Mastermind ego, too. OK, a lot.

Kyahgirl said...

heheh, I joined that Yahoo group and quit about a week later!
*high fives*


Jane Wall said...

Sometimes the beauty of internet groups is watching the other members interact and predicting what reactions will be. Lurking can be like being the fly on the wall, especially if it is about a ubject you are both knoweledgable and very interested in.

Hi! This is Aunt Jane LOL

I am an imposter on the vegetarian list since I am not one. I eat vegetarian about 3-4 days a week to stay healthy. They would be horrified to know I'm raising free range chickens for eggs and meat.

OH, I am such a bad person!


Fulltiltredhead said...

It's a very J way to look at things, so you're doing what's exactly right for you. J needs closure. "You're annoying. We're through. Goodbye."

P would let it drift awhile ... bring it up perhaps ... perhaps not ... :-)

(Fellow J here)

Trina said...

Aunt Jane,

I absolutely agree. I'm still in that group, mainly just reading now, and it's definitely entertaining! And I'm a veggie imposter too, for the same reason - trying to eat healthier. I have meat-eater's guilt, but I survive LOL!

That's awesome that you have your own chickens! I buy organic and free range as much as possible, but (as you know) Delaware isn't exactly booming in the health-foods department :~P