my life my words my mind

Culture

2011-11-06T03:09:00.002-05:00

More specifically: appreciation vs. co-opting.

How do you know which side of the line you're on? Lately, I am completely enamored of Indian cuisine. I've stocked up on a myriad of spices, beans, and other ingredients. I'm cooking from highly-rated recipes and books (I'm all about reviews!). I love "restaurant" Indian food, and I'm also increasingly addicted to the "authentic" dishes I prepare.

But in all the books, every recipe is given it's English/American name, with the "real" name in italics and smaller print below. I feel like a giant asshole using the Anglicized terms for things, but I also feel incredibly uncomfortable with using the Indian names for everything. It smacks too much of trying too hard, and of pretending I'm part of a culture I have no claim on.

I've always thought it was weird that once a country/area is "discovered", we don't call that land what the people who live there call it. Why do we insist on "Spain" and "Germany" etc. when the natives have their own word for their homeland? It has always felt incredibly disrespectful.

The same holds true for foods. Granted, a lot of plants have traveled around the world over the past few millennia, and have many names in many cultures. But if I'm cooking the particular cuisine of a specific region, and I know what they call a certain dish, why on earth would I give that dish my own name, that basically just gives a description of the main ingredients? If I went overseas and visited an English-friendly restaurant or family, it would feel weird to have deviled eggs referred to as "hard-boiled eggs stuffed with yolks mashed with mayonnaise and mustard." And what would they call hot dogs or scrapple? But that's what we do with a lot of foods.

My current solution is to use the "popular" names for things most people are familiar with, and "proper" names for things I haven't seen elsewhere. I'm not sure what else to do, or how else to think about proceeding. I know it isn't a life-or-death issue, but it's something I have control over and I want to get it right. If anyone has any thoughts, I'm all oídos.

"Growing Up"

2011-09-22T02:43:00.003-04:00

Although I'm sure it started much earlier, my grasp on the concept of growing up really started to take hold and crystallize in 2005, when that hurricane came and stole my name.

A lot of things had happened beforehand, and they had a dramatic impact on my life. But I still held onto the belief that I could hope for some time in the future - however brief - during which I could take a breather and get some relief from the overwhelming sadness and pain. And while there have been weeks (maybe even entire months!) of respite during the intervening years, there was always something that came up and brought the pain back, and something beforehand that left a lingering pain that obscured those periods of peace.

Following a number of smaller losses, I have recently experienced the slow death of a near and dear relative - my PopPop (that's "grandfather" for those of you living elsewhere who may have never heard this term). I've only ever dealt with quick/unexpected human losses in the past (as an adult, and one not so great at keeping in touch with people), so this situation was very different and very affecting. Now that he is finally at peace, I am infinitely grateful to have had the time to spend a few more days with him and several chances to tell him how much I loved him. But the past week was one of the most wrenching, confusing, and gutting of my life. It also came during a time where it seems like ALL of my friends are going through terrible experiences of their own, and it has really felt like the universe was giving us all the finger.

And it made me realize something about "growing up" that I probably should have understood years ago. As much as I have (and want to maintain) a carefree attitude about life, and as much as I want to keep hoping for that "someday" in which I'll have a decent stretch of time that isn't punctuated by pain and loss, it isn't realistic. Part of living a life connected to friends and family and animals I care deeply about means that there will always be a source of pain or loss not too far around the corner. If I'm not hurting, someone I love probably is and should know that they can come to me. If I haven't lost someone (or had a bad scare), someone I know has and needs comfort. I also can't just blithely expect everyone I care about to live forever just because I can't imagine life without them. And the fact is that the longer I live, the more this will be true.

Childhood and childishness are, if nothing else, marked by an assumption that the skies will always clear and everything will get better. And that's not wrong. Growing up just means recognizing the hurts that were going on this whole time, acknowledging them, and doing our best to alleviate them if and when we can. I think I have officially reached the "acceptance" stage in realizing what kinds of pain I should expect for the rest of my life. I'll take and cherish all the good times that come my way, but I can no longer treat the bad/sad times as tremendous aberrations that need to be avoided and waited out. I think this may officially make me the Grownup I never thought I'd be, and that's ok.

As an aside - one consolation this past week came in a rather roundabout way. While PopPop was sleeping one day, the minister who was visiting asked me what my favorite story about PopPop was, and I drew a total blank. At the time, I felt terrible that I couldn't think of anything. But sitting there, angst-ing over this deficiency, I realized: I don't have stories about PopPop - I have memories of him. I got to spend so much time with him and MomMom growing up that when I think of them, that's what comes to mind. I know I've heard stories, but I can't recall them. I would like to learn some stories, of course, so I can have them as well and share them with family in the future, but I feel so much better having a lifetime of lovely memories than I would be if I just had a few "good stories".

I remember walks in the woods, where he pointed out wild-growing things as well as plants he had cultivated. I remember those walks ending at the stream, and wading in the ice-cold water there, hoping to see fish but being just as happy to settle for glimpses of water-strider bugs. I remember climbing in his fruit trees, and catching birds that had invaded the blueberry patch and releasing them. I remember picking berries and veggies (especially the silver queen corn) from their gardens. I remember watching The Sound of Music for the first time with him and MomMom. I remember riding with him in his pickup truck. I remember eating my first bagels at their house, and thinking how cool it was that my grandparents drank milk with their meals, just like us kids. I remember annual Memorial Day picnics and Christmas dinners. I remember the beautiful pictures he took of plants and butterflies. I remember that he made wine when I was a little girl; and I remember what a special day it was when Chris and my brother bottled the last two carboys of wine he had put up in the 80's (it was pretty much hard liquor when they bottled it) in bottles with a label made from a picture of him back when he was a pilot in World War II, and how happy he was that they were bottling that wine and carrying on the brewing/wine-making tradition in our family.

I could fill pages with these memories. And maybe I should, for the children who are small now and those presumably coming in the future. Because another part of being a grownup is sharing how things used to be, and who the people who are no longer with us were.

Sometimes

2011-09-09T00:21:00.002-04:00

Ok, ALL the time... I want to whine. I have a lengthy list of things I want to gripe about. And then I read the news, check out some blogs on issues near and dear to my heart, and am once again reminded that my problems are First World Problems. Hell, more than half of the things I've written about here with sincerity and pain are nothing compared to the suffering going on daily (hourly! minute-ly!) around the globe. And I know it's all relative and we only know our own personal pain, but I still feel like a shit. So I don't post. Because why post about the idiosyncrasies of my self-perception when there are people literally living in slavery and pain and degradation?

This, of course, puts me on the path of questioning why I should publicize my self-examination at all. And I'm not certain I should. A big part of me feels like I ought to pick an external subject that speaks to me and dissect it when the mood strikes, and leave the navel-gazing to private ruminations. But that doesn't feel real. And while I'm not the best at being completely honest in my real-world dealing, I am also not about to start down the path of being anything that feels deliberately dishonest to me.

Grrr.

Sharing

2011-09-08T02:33:00.004-04:00

I feel like I'm on the other end of the spectrum from where I was a few years ago: then, I was suffering loss after loss after disaster, with no end in sight. It was truly horrendous.

Now, things are (knock on wood) going pretty well here, but a LOT of dear friends are going through experiences similar to mine of not so long ago. And while at the time I thought I'd have given anything to make the pain stop, I'm now in the position of wishing I could lift at least some of the burden of that same pain from the hearts of my friends and carry it myself, even if it means more of that pain I was so desperate to get through.

I realize that while I might not have noticed my load lightening back then, it most certainly was relieved by the love and caring of these friends. And all I can really do now is hope that they know how much I appreciated the support they gave me when I needed it, and that I'm here to share their burden as they shared mine.

Still here!

2011-07-10T00:32:00.004-04:00

Thanks to a very thought-provoking (in a good way!) comment, I was reminded that I do have a blog and am once again neglecting it.

We're making excellent progress on squaring away our finances in order to get out of this house, and we have a contractor coming on Monday to get started on a few small-ish projects that are necessary for selling. I'm re-acclimating to having a husband after losing Chris to a never-to-be-repeated (AKA Trina will get her passport) 3 week stint in Australia.

A good bit of our free weekend time is tied up with soccer - we have season tickets to the Philadelphia Union again this year, and it's a TON of fun!

Currently, we're both anxiously awaiting the release of A Dance With Dragons. It's due on the 12^th, and we pre-ordered the hardback AND kindle editions. Our 10-year wedding anniversary is the 14^thand I have a feeling we'll be at the restaurant waiting for our food, both madly reading away on our kindles. Not that I object to this,I just hope Morimoto doesn't take offense to an apparent disinterest in his cuisine. I'm psyched to be going back for the awesomeness served there, I just can't say that it's more exciting than a return to Westeros.

Speaking of Westeros, I don't often plug other blogs, but I'm making an exception. I don't know the wonderful people behind this blog, but we've cooked a bunch of their recipes (all awesome) and enjoyed the food and also its tie to Martin's universe. If you want to cook Ice & Fire-inspired foods, or amazing cuisine based on foods of eras long gone (or just fabulous food you haven't seen recipes for because it's esoteric), please check out innatthecrossroads.com. I could vouch for individual recipes, but at this point now there are so many and I'm so picky that it would be kinda weird. Unlike many "celebrity" chefs with cookbooks, these folks have tested their recipes and found them delicious, and I can only co-sign.

I've been testing new perfumes, but mostly settling into a few that I know and love, and I'm ok with that. I'd rather love and test than be constantly hunting for new loves. I've latched onto several HG's, and am roaming around them, versus wandering far afield to sniff every new thing. I have never been more content in the perfume department.

I haven't left, and I'm sorry I'm not better about posting. But I'm here, alive, happy, and enjoying my NOW. And it is good.

Not Necessarily Deep

2011-04-08T04:19:00.003-04:00

Sometimes I have stray thoughts that I feel compelled to record, with no idea where to do so. There's not necessarily much history behind them; they aren't particularly humorous (except to me, in some cases, but I crack myself up all the time with things that are just weird to other people); and they certainly aren't going to change the world for the better. But they're in my head and must come out. Today's installment:

- If Chris and I do, as we hope/plan, have a child and then end up splitting up, it will be the kid's fault. We've been married almost 10 years now, and have been together for over 14 years. Most of them have been happy. I'm still very much in love with him and could spend the rest of my life with only his company and be content. Part of me still wants him all to myself, and worries that a permanent change to our dynamic might be a harmful one.

- My eating disorder will be old enough to vote in the next election. And I have a feeling that, in terms of healthcare at least (I'm sure it wants to deny me any coverage that might help me kill it), it is a Republican.

- I wonder what percentage of our landfills is occupied by issues of The Watchtower. I read the copies our local Witnesses bring by because I find them genuinely fascinating. I have read large portions of the Bible and am familiar with even more, and never came to the conclusions/realizations that the Jehovah's Witnesses do. I don't agree with much of it, but it gives me food for thought. In the end, though, I don't keep them. And I'm sure most people don't, and I know not everyone recycles. So my weird brain is currently occupied with wondering if more space in landfills is taken up by diapers, "sanitary items", or Watchtowers. I'm sure any of it is enough to make SOME number of people feel guilty. Or is that just me?

Familiarity...

2011-03-28T03:26:00.003-04:00

has been said to breed contempt. I think the longer we stay in this house, the more true this becomes for me.

Right now, I'm in the grips of a paralyzing fear that no matter what we do to fix this place up, or how low our initial sale price is, NOBODY will want it. This is mostly due to the fact that we live in a neighborhood that once held a bit of promise, but got caught up in the housing bubble to a ridiculous extent. It has one of the highest rates of foreclosures in this state because prices swelled FAR beyond what these houses could ever be worth. We have a LOT of equity in the place, so we can sell lower than a lot of other folks in the development, but then it becomes a dangerous game.

We can afford to sell lower than what most folks are asking, but if we price too low initially, buyers will assume there's something wrong with our house (it's fine, probably better than most since we've owned it since it was built, but too low a price might make people think otherwise, even though a low number would just be a way to try to get out faster). And I'm so sick and tired of this house, and SO familiar with all the ways it is lacking that I have a hard time imagining anyone else could possibly want to buy it.

I have this sick, sad premonition that we will be in a financial position to move and get out of here, but no one will buy our house, and we'll be stuck here for years. And while I'm glad we didn't buy into the bubble, I'm sad we didn't position ourselves to at least get out of here while the getting was good. I don't mind not making as much as we could have, but I'm terrified of not being able to get away at ALL.

I don't worry that we won't get enough for the house, I worry we won't get ANY offer. This market scares me, and our location in this market scares me even more. I just want to be gone, and it frightens me how little I'm willing to accept to get away from this place.

Broken Promises

2011-02-28T04:15:00.003-05:00

The closer we draw to the goals we decided that we have to meet in order to get out of this house and move (at this point preferentially to Roswell), the more I feel like I'm breaking a promise. To myself, yes, but also to family members I never really declared my intentions to.

I'm resigned to not making my grandparents' house our "family home" (for me and Chris and the theoretical future progeny), but I'm not giving up on keeping their house in the family. It still KILLS me that Gramma's house went to auction and sold for what it did. If Chris and I had had ANY inclination that such would be the case, things would have gone very differently. I am resolved that this will not happen again. I feel this way about MomMom and PopPop's house, and also about Aunt Gerry and Uncle Ed's house. These are two that have "historical" significance and really shouldn't leave the family.

But this doesn't mean a change to our current plans/aspirations. There is SO much in Georgia that I look forward to! Fantastic houses on nice properties (with MATURE trees!) at amazingly reasonable prices, my sister and her family nearby, an amazing city and outlying area that we love, and parenting resources that can't be found around here. I'm approaching the age where (assuming it's even possible) bearing children is increasingly dangerous for me and said children. I want to be out of this house and neighborhood as soon as possible, and I really want to be in the Roswell area if/when the fruit of my loins spring forth to unleash their mayhem upon the earth.

Recap (more "Common Sense")

2011-02-09T01:37:00.006-05:00

I've been thinking about revisiting the food/ED stuff for a while. It's not like I ran out of things to say, more like I was worried it would take over here when that hadn't been my original purpose. But a family member recently started a blog on food issues, which reminded me that I might want to think about this issue again in light of our impending planned move and family expansion. And re-reading those old posts, I'll admit that they make me sad because I fell off the proverbial wagon in times of pain and loss, and am now back at square one. But I do want to get better and plan to do so, especially if we have a child. I will NOT model my current eating on a child. ANY child.

And then today Jezebel posted an article that highlighted a lot of my points on correlation vs. causation: Things that supposedly cause eating disorders. I know what Jez was trying to do, and I salute the effort, but they missed a big opportunity to embark on a serious discussion.

So now I have several reasons to get everything I've written together in one place, and straight in my head. Without further ado, here are my former posts on this subject:

Here's Hoping

Dr. Phil

Common Sense (Part 1 of ?)

Common Sense (Part 2 of ?)

Common Sense (Part 3 of ?)l

Common Sense (Part 4 of ?)

There may well be more to come on this topic. Part of me wants it, part of me dreads it. I know friendship issues are something I never explored and now I feel motivated to do so. Hopefully I won't drop that ball. It's a painful subject for me, but what isn't? And given that the subject played a major role in the eating issues of a family member, I would be remiss in ignoring it. Please let me be better than that.

"Miracles"

2011-02-05T03:10:00.002-05:00

I don't profess to know everything (or anything even close) about the body or the spirit. I don't claim to have even the barest grasp on the nature of miracles. I believe in them as a concept, if only as the manifestation of extremely unlikely statistical outcomes; but I can't declare any personal experience of divinity or claim a belief that such events are the result of intervention from a higher power.

I do know this: two people who mean a LOT to me in different ways are alive today, despite many indicators proclaiming that they would/should have been gone more than 6 months ago. I can't label it and don't want to. I just want - and plan - to celebrate the fact that they are still here. And no matter the cause/reason, it feels like a miracle to me.

Unsubscribe

2011-01-31T23:26:00.003-05:00

We've dealt with a lot of loss over the years with our animal friends. And this issue has come up for me before, but not so painfully or notably, for a number of reasons.

The first week or so, it didn't really register. But more and more, reality intrudes: I am subscribed to a LOT of emails - many shopping-oriented, for coupon codes - that are ferret-centered and from which I need to unsubscribe.

I think I've been able to be in denial about others: we could start another aquarium at any time, and the fact is that we WILL have birds again (like it or not?) because we're the appointed guardians of two for sure, and two more in all probabilty (and I really need to nail that down one way or another, if only for planning). So I could easily/happily just delete and ignore emails from companies/groups regarding avian and aquatic companions.

Ferrets are a whole different ballgame. They are SO easy to keep accumulating, and SO hard to say no to once you know and love them. And you never want to just have one last and lonely ferret. It feels just awful. But at the same time, we made the decision not to take in any more several years ago, because we DID have to make a decision. The pain of losing them is hard to describe or explain. It's similar to losing a cat or a dog, but worse because the life was shortened and condensed and so much more potent and vibrant. Some people can accept that and deal with it; Chris and I aren't such people. It hurts too much, and we just couldn't take it any more.

I'm not saying we've taken a stance of never ever again living with ferrets, because I could never say that (and I don't think he could either), but it will be a good 20 years until we try again, should we choose to. So as the emails come in, I've been unsubscribing. And it's like salt in a wound. It stings, and in a place I wasn't expecting.

Dilemma

2011-01-24T05:28:00.002-05:00

So, we're drawing down to the wire we set up (from a financial perspective) that we have to cross before moving. And moving is the wire for procreating (I do NOT want to have a baby in this house/neighborhood). And, being me, I'm considering a billion things in terms of moving and procreation and parenting, none of which I can really focus on since they aren't immediate.

But a question occurred to me today: being half of a white, heterosexual couple who plan on doing things the old-fashoined way barring complications, what specific things should I say/do/consider in order to raise an un-bigoted child? I have general ideas about the principles I want to pass on and demonstrate, and a genuine dislike for closed-mindedness. But I'm already embodying (or planning to embody - unless there are surprises/setbacks *knock on wood*, our plan is for me to be a SAHM) a lot of normative traits.

And those aren't *wrong*, but I'm not sure the best way to teach our child(ren) that other lives/choices (regarding work allocation, not sexuality - that is not a choice and I don't mean to suggest otherwise) are also wonderful and healthy and happy and attainable, if not aspirational. I've tried online searches and book searches on amazon, to no avail. I think I'll be ok, but it would be so much easier to have some sort of guide so I'm not flailing around blindly. I'm already hampered and blinded by more privilege than I can ever understand; and while I know it's there, I also know that living in it prevents me from seeing or identifying all of it.

So if anyone out there has reading suggestions, I'm open. More than open, I'm bordering on desperate.

Sad day

2010-10-23T00:31:00.002-04:00

In a little over 12 hours, I'll be attending the memorial service for one of my cousins. He had a gentle nature, a kind spirit, and a genuine love of animals. The world has lost a good human being.

Can it be said enough?

2010-10-21T05:05:00.006-04:00

I don't think so. I've written about this before, and in the wake of recent tragedies, I'm revisiting it.

From how the media is portraying recent events, one would think that we're in the middle of a wave of suicides by LGBT teens and young adults. I have a feeling that this isn't the case, but rather that social media is finally shining a spotlight on something that has been going on for centuries (if not millenia), but was always swept under the rug or politely overlooked. Bullying is real. Teen suicide is real. And the sad fact is that for far longer than I've been alive, bullying of LGBT and any kids deemed as "different" has been given a bit of a pass. It's ok, because what they feel and what they do and who they want to love is "wrong" to many people.

No, it isn't. God is love, right? So how can love for anyone be anything other than godly? We're taught "judge not, lest ye be judged", but apparently that isn't true for LGBT people. I guess I missed Jesus giving us that little caveat. And hello: Jesus chose to hang out with lepers and prostitutes - WHO would be their social equivalent in this day and age? People really think Jesus would have a problem with the LGBT community?

And on a slightly divergent note, I love the "It Gets Better" campaign. And I love that we live in a world of what many people consider "over sharing". Because 20 - 30 years ago, people didn't discuss these things. It wasn't "seemly". And people suffered in silence, not knowing that there were MILLIONS of other people going through what they were, some right down the street. As much as our voyeuristic culture often disgusts me, I can't help but be grateful for the fact that the idea of "normal" has been blasted to smithereens, and that people can share their most horrific experiences and find others like them who can help them cope, grieve, and heal.

It's a slow process. And it's far from easy or pretty. But I'd honestly rather live in a nation filled with Snookis than Betty Drapers.

New Criteria

2010-10-12T04:51:00.002-04:00

My parents might or might not be thrilled to learn that I'm getting over my tv addiction. I still blame them for the fact that depriving me in my childhood left me susceptible in my adult years to all the garbage most people with functioning brains are able to dismiss.

I think burnout + my recent forays into new areas of literature (including making my way back to good YA fiction) = lack of patience for sub-par programming.

As I was catching up on my tv tonight (following a lovely but busy weekend visiting with my family AND Chris's), I realized that some shows just aren't measuring up and I was actually getting frustrated with them. And then I found my new boundary.

Chris hates many of the shows I watch, chiefly among them: what I call "judge shows". I like a LOT of those, and try to reserve them for when he's sleeping, but they're the sort of show I only half-watch and don't get upset if I miss something. I have plenty of others I like that don't bother him, so I watch them when he's up. Tonight, some of those he also isn't a fan of were bad enough that I'd rather watch a judge show than them. I'd rather watch a show I half ignore than Show X? Why bother?

And so, I'm not. If I'd rather pop on Judge Judy or The People's Court, then a show has failed the basic requirement of engaging my interest and attention. My DVR has a much higher free percentage, my Season Pass list is shorter, and I feel like a free woman!

...

2010-08-30T03:47:00.003-04:00

I don't know what to call this one.

As much as I wish it were otherwise, I'm not really a "good" person. I try my best to do what's right for me and my family, but I often fall short. My shortcomings - and awareness thereof - only help shine a light on my failures both in living my life and in exercising empathy. I cut no slack for myself or anyone else. I'm a judgemental bitch, and I give no one any quarter.

I'm in a bit of a crisis right now because I'm dealing with someone who is seriously neglecting the non-humans who depend on her. I want to whine and detail what is so upsetting me, but one of the things that's angering me the most is something other people I know (and love) have done with their own fur-babies. And while some of them did it long ago before vets and other pros in that arena finally spoke up and started saying why it was horriffic, others have done it more recently. So I don't feel like I can run to them and cry like I want to about what she's planning. And it's not even the worst of what has gone on and is going on in her house. If anything, it's the least of her crimes. But because it's still in the "contemplation" phase, it's what's upsetting me the most.

I've presented alternatives. I begged her to reconsider. I begged her to re-home the animals (the ones in this scenario AND the rest for several reasons).

I'm not a perfect mama when it comes to animals, and have never claimed to be. I've made so many mistakes that haunt me still. But I have never turned a blind eye to clear suffering and parasitic infestation. And I have never contemplated maiming my babies for our convenience. I would buy new furniture every year before mutilating an animal, or I would sit on the fucking floor and feel joy in knowing that I love my babies more than I do a sofa or a table.

And so now I'm in a corner I painted myself into and I'm whining to the internets. Because I don't know how to turn to the people I know and love without making them feel like this upset would be a judgement against them. And I honestly don't know that it wouldn't be, deep down.

I will always take the side of those who can't speak for themselves and who are denied self-determination. So in a human-"pet" situation, I will never be on the side of the human, even (or especially) when that human is me. We ALWAYS have a choice; they are forced to live with the decisions we make. And since that is the case, I can't, in good conscience, side with anyone but them. And when the decision isn't mine, and the outcome is out of my hands, and I've argued to the best of my ability, all I can do is scream. Silently. And hope against hope that I was heard and she does the right thing.

Somebody

2010-08-23T06:47:00.003-04:00

(yes, this title is a Depeche Mode reference)

I know I've been lame and sappy before. And I know I've whined at the other end of the spectrum too. But there are times - sometimes weeks on end, like lately - when almost every single moment of observing/contemplating my husband is one of extreme gratitude and appreciation.

He is no saint. I will not go into all the small, hilarious ways in which he makes it clear just how human he is. He's aware of this blog and has read it, but we haven't discussed my writing about him here to the point where I can be that specific, even though I'm sure he'd be fine and I'd love to share the hilarity. But I digress (so shocking!). My point is that I could elaborate ad infinitum on the myriad behaviors/incidents/tendencies that illustrate exactly why rose-colored glasses would never suit my vision prescription in terms of my darling dearest. It wouldn't pertain.

We've had difficult times and blissful times. But sometimes, like lately, we synch up so much that we complete what would be a sickening number of each others' sentences if someone else were present. Our views line up. Our plans line up. Our dirty thoughts line up. What we want for the future is close enough to identical that it validates all the decisions that led up to me deciding he really was the one I wanted, and all the decisions since then.

And I see him in a light that allows those small flaws to show, but at the same time illuminates all that is smart and funny and awesome and right for me, and he fucking glows. GLOWS! For days or weeks on end.

Though things like this
make me sick,
in a case like this
I'll get away with it...

Milestone!

2010-06-29T04:30:00.003-04:00

Tonight, for the first time since her diagnosis, Garlic required a dose of ZERO units of insulin!!!

I have skipped doses in the past when her glucose was super-low and she was symptomatic, but that's different. This afternoon, based on dosing trends and her sugar reading, she needed just 0.5 units. Tonight her sugar was low enough that the next dose would have to be decreased by a half unit. Thus: zero!

After the recent losses we've suffered, and with Garlic's current unpleasant health situation, this was a much-needed little victory. Yay, Garlic!

Memorieeeeeeees

2010-03-19T02:52:00.006-04:00

I distinctly recall a point in the not-so-distant past when I wasn't anywhere nearly so whiny on this blog. I'm aware that I am the one responsible for setting the tone here (unless one chooses to believe that The Almighty/the universe has taken a particular interest in my life and how I perceive the events therein), and I'm really working to get back to a place where I have more fun here, and don't just vent the pain and frustration.

In the grand scheme of things, I'm happy to admit that I have a pretty awesome life. My husband is my best friend and fantastic in ways I will leave to the imagination. I live with a crew of loving (for the most part), amusing, and interesting critters. I am lucky enough - knock on wood - to have the care and feeding of the aforementioned spouse and pets as my "paying gig", and therefore am able to sleep on the inconstant schedule my body sets for me, with few repercussions.

I think a big part of me rebels against talking about the good stuff. Like doing so will resemble bragging, or jinx things. I have enough Russian and Irish in me that I tend to be fastalistic and almost pathologically avoidant of situations and statements that might attract universal irony. I'm seriously itching to delete the above paragraph for exactly this reason. But the alternative - only airing the painful and depressing shit that's already out there - is no option for me. I don't want to be a pessimist. Or a downer. There is a lot to enjoy during our time on this planet, and I want to write about that as much as (hell, more than) the painful-but-important things.

First item of fun: a drink! My mom invented a sinfully delicious new drink recipe recently, which I shall share forthwith.

Apparently there's a new trend of honey-flavored whiskey. The one she likes (which I tried) is Seagram's 7 Dark Honey. A quick internet search led to the discovery (for me) that there is some controversy surrounding this particular booze, because they are apparently attempting to circumvent the FTC blogging regs (which I, for the record, feel are a fucking joke considering that they hold bloggers to a ridiculously higher standard than people in print media. But I digress...) by having people (PR people, it looks like) comment on blogs without disclosing that they're basically spamming anyone who mentions the product.

My points in mentioning all this are that 1) I refuse to link to the aforementioned product, since they seem to be doing just fine coopting the internets via blog posts, and while I enjoyed said product, I am not their whore; and 2) because apparently I have to disclose the source for products I discuss in a remotely review-ish capacity, here it is:

MY MOM BOUGHT SEAGRAM'S 7 DARK HONEY AND MADE ME THIS DRINK, AND I LIKED IT. If they want to track her down and reimburse her for her bottle, more power to them!

And for anyone out there in copyright-land, this is her recipe that she created. It's fan-fucking-tastic, all her own, and something I know my Gramma would have given her stamp of approval. Steal it and I WILL hunt you down.

The Promised Land
1 oz. Seagram's 7 Dark Honey
2 oz. fat-free half-and-half

This is like a whiskey-based white russian, or something similar. The dairy cuts the burn of the alcohol down to almost zero, so you're left with a rich "milk and honey" drink that will give you a sneaky buzz very quickly. Perfect for a nightcap, or as a "drink" for those who don't like a boozey burn. And who doesn't like fat-free?

For anyone with raised eyebrows, I was hesitant myself. I generally am not a whiskey fan, and only drink it in the occasional sour. As for ff half-and-half, until now it was reserved for coffee. It never occurred to me that it might be a drink base, despite all the Hungry Girl drinks based on ff ice cream, ff syrups, etc. This is way more simple and delicious than most other "diet-conscious" concoctions out there. And no, I have no idea what the nutritionals are on this and no desire to find out.

In other alchohol-related news: Chris told me tonight that on his way home, he saw that our local Rita's Water Ice is open for the summer. With a warm weekend approaching, I'm declaring open season on bbq and Rita's 'Ritas! Yay, tequila!

Reconciliation

2010-03-12T06:43:00.005-05:00

I was getting caught up on my DVR recordings tonight. Last week's episode of "Numbers" was a sort of throwaway about a group of boys who had been molested by a teacher and who all became different people as a result. At the end, one character said that he wouldn't have become the man he was if it weren't for the molestation, and that registered. As painful as periods of my life have been, and as difficult as it still is for me to work through the repercussions, I often feel the same way.

I like myself. Hell, I love the person I am.

It isn't easy living with my brain, but I make it work. But I have a VERY hard time reconciling my current state of self-acceptance with the abuse I suffered. I feel like being happy with ME means being ok with the things that made me who I am. And that it's wrong to accept my flawed state of being, because it means accepting the terrible things that led up to it.

Do I think I might be a better, more healthy, more productive human being had I not been abused? Absolutely. But a part of me wonders how compassionate I might be. How accepting I might be. How forgiving I might be. I hope that my positive traits aren't solely a result of the abuse. I hope that I would have developed into someone similar without the trauma I suffered. But there is no way to know for certain. Not that anything in this life is knowable. I just get irritated that as a natural second-guesser, I was dealt an especially tricky hand.

And then, as someone who believes in some greater Something out there, I am reminded of Neil Gaiman's statement in Good Omens (I guess it could have been Terry Pratchett's assertion; stupid collaborations): "God does not play dice with the universe; He plays an ineffable game of His own devising, which might be compared, from the perspective of any of the other players [i.e. everybody], to being involved in an obscure and complex variant of poker in a pitch-dark room, with blank cards, for infinite stakes, with a Dealer who won't tell you the rules, and who smiles all the time."

I have to believe that someone knows what the cards mean. I'm mystified.

Careless Whispers

2010-03-11T04:29:00.004-05:00

Yes, that "Careless Whispers" (by Wham):

I feel so unsure
As I take your hand and lead you to the dance floor
As the music dies
Something in your eyes
Calls to mind the silver screen
And all its sad good-byes

I'm never gonna dance again
Guilty feet have got no rhythm
Though it's easy to pretend
I know you're not a fool
I should have known better than to cheat a friend
And waste the chance that I've been given
So I'm never gonna dance again
The way I danced with you

Time can never mend
The careless whispers of a good friend
To the heart and mind
Ignorance is kind
There's no comfort in the truth
Pain is all you'll find

I'm never gonna dance again
Guilty feet have got no rhythm
Though it's easy to pretend
I know you're not a fool
I should have known better than to cheat a friend
And waste this chance that I've been given
So I'm never gonna dance again
The way I danced with you

Never without your love

Tonight the music seems so loud
I wish that we could lose this crowd
Maybe it's better this way
We'd hurt each other with the things we'd want to say
We could have been so good together
We could have lived this dance forever
But now who's gonna dance with me?
Please stay

And I'm never gonna dance again
Guilty feet have got no rhythm
Though it's easy to pretend
I know you're not a fool
I should have known better than to cheat a friend
And waste the chance that I've been given
So I'm never gonna dance again
The way I danced with you

(Now that you're gone) Now that you're gone
(Now that you're gone) What I did's so wrong
That you had to leave me alone

It isn't entrely appropriate/applicable, but whenever we lose a baby this song invariably works itself into my mind at some point during the grieving process. And tonight, just a few days after we helped Harriet to the Bridge, it came into my head while I was washing the bedding she last slept in.

I know it's my personality that makes the guilt ingrained, but I have yet to have a pet death that did not evoke that response. I always feel there was some avenue I should have explored, or maybe just that I should have done something sooner. I always imagine there was something I could or should have done to stave off the inevitable.

And the fact is that our lives with our pets - and other humans - are dances. Every relationship is different and special and irreplacable. So whether or not losing Harriet was even partially my fault, I know that I will never dance with anyone the way I danced with her. And I'd have given anything for her to stay, even just a little bit longer.

Difficulty

2010-02-01T05:18:00.002-05:00

*** Warning – potential trigger(s) for sufferers of eating disorders (bulimia, in particular) ***

This isn't a Ye Olde Common Sense post, but still it's bulimia-related and needs the above warning.

I know I haven't talked about this stuff in a while. I always feel bad doing it, because it's not a nice subject to deal with, for me or anyone. Anyone who has dealt with an eating disorder knows that it will be a daily/hourly/minute-ly (is that a word?) struggle for the rest of their lives. And lately I've been doing better. A LOT better. The majority of my eating is healthy, and when it isn't, I can tell myself that the bad things I ingest are massively outweighed by all the good foods. And I've been maintaining a healthy weight. Not my ideal weight, by any means, but one that doesn't stress my body, and one that I can live with and not freak out.

But every once in a while, the things I've done to my body catch up to me. I can have a day of completely healthy eating, and feel so good about all the choices I made. But at the end of the day, it turns out I had one or two bites too many. Psychologically, I'm fine with it. But my digestive system just can't handle it. Food backs up into my esophagus because it just doesn't move at a normal speed through my system, and the pressure starts freaking me out. And then acid starts backing up into my throat too, and I get more upset. I take pepcid, pepto, gas-x, anything to relieve all that pressure and discomfort and burning, and nothing helps. And I have to do what I fight so hard NOT to do, because I can literally feel the damage being done: I purge. And I know that the anxiety doing that causes makes things worse, but once things hit a certain point nothing else helps.

And then it really gets hard. Once the deed is done, the self-recrimination starts. I second-guess every choice that led up to that last, awful one. Didn't I know that eating a few more bites of salad would be too much? How, at this point, could I not realize that even a couple more carrots would put me over the edge? Because I do know that no matter how healthy the foods are, there is a limit to the volume my body can handle before going into overload. And every time I go over it, I blame myself and I doubt my motives and I can't help but wonder if there was some small self-sabotaging part of me that was looking to undo all my work.

Because it is work, and I have been doing it. I have days-long stretches of abstinence, which is a pretty big freaking deal in terms of bulimia. When every meal, every bite, every drink (even of things as benign as skim milk) is a battle, a day of abstinence is a beautiful thing. Two in a row feels like a miracle. So when I'm not careful enough to maintain it, when I screw up and set myself back to zero, it feels like it must have been intentional on some level. Which is horrible. Thinking - knowing, if I'm really honest - that there will always be a part of me that is looking to take me back to a place where the disorder owns my life? It can be wearying. But I've come to terms with the fact that I am a self-sabotaging person(ality). A lot of my current hermit-ness is a manifestation of the very necessary care I am taking with myself, to determine how much and how often I can "put myself out there" without doing damage or triggering my destructive tendencies.

But the idea that it might be an accident? That a couple good days might lull me into a complacency that would land me back in that place simply because I wasn't being careful enough? That terrifies me even more. I know I will always fight with food. What it means to me, what I can eat, how I eat it, all that. And I know I will have to fight myself on several levels. I have come to terms with that. But I don't know how to deal with the possibility that I might allow myself to be lulled into a false sense of security by a few good days. DAYS. Not weeks or months - that, I could almost see. But days? When there is so much at stake and every hour is such a struggle after a fall from the proverbial wagon?

And again, I know that it is literally impossible to think about every single bite of food and sip of liquid over the course of a day, especially when one feels compelled to do so every day. But not doing so, even when eating a totally healthy diet as I have been doing, puts me at risk of hitting that physical tolerance limit. And once that has been reached, no amount of telling myself to wait it out (because it's just discomfort that isn't health-related) will avert the compulsion to relieve the physical and mental pressure. So how can I accidentally let myself eat too much? And on the other hand, how can I allow food to have so much control over my life? Am I not admitting defeat by allowing food, rather than my will (whatever that means, in the end) to have the final say?

I know I'm overthinking and being too hard on myself, but that in me which is fighting to beat this thing screams that I have to be, that I can give it no quarter. And sometimes I don't know how to live in a world where I can give myself no quarter. Hence, my difficulty.

SSDD

2009-12-01T04:43:00.002-05:00

Every time I think I've neglected this blog too long, and maybe have too little left to say, something sparks me up again. And not shockingly, the subject is civil/human rights, yet again.

That fucking asshole "pastor" Rick Warren (he who was stupidly invited/allowed to deliver the invocation at Obama's Inauguration) is again pissing me off.

One of the supporters of Uganda's proposed [inexcusable] law that would execute homosexuals is Martin Ssempa. This heinous bit of legislation would also call for the prosecution of people who know someone who is gay but doesn't report them. Hellooooo McCarthyism. So sorry to see you again.

But I digress. The problem is that Ssempa is a pal of Warren. Ok. Past transgressions? HARDLY. When asked to comment, Consummate Asshole Warren stated [quote is from Newsweek], "it is not my personal calling as a pastor in America to comment or interfere in the political processes of other nations."

Really? REALLY???

Because let me tell you something - JESUS CHRIST had something to say in the matter. Actually, a few things to say. Something along the lines of, "Let he who is without sin cast the first stone" comes to mind first and foremost. Can you really not follow HIS example???

Or how's this - "render unto Caesar what is Caesar's" may be a little obscure for a dickhead who can't think outside the box. But if you are a U.S. citizen, then one of your foremost tenets is the separation od Church and State, right? So laws venturing into religious territories violate the laws of the land. And Jesus was clear that politics/taxes/laws have NOTHING to do with your religious views. So if you try to enact laws based on your religion, they violate both the land you claim to love AND the direct orders of the dude you claim is your Lord and Savior.

There is NO passage in the Bible where Jesus says anything HIMSELF about gay people. He has a shitload to say about FIGS (look it up - you will laugh your ass off) and a bunch of other things, but nowhere does he mention gay people. John and Paul and all the ther apostles can be as homophobic as they like - I don't give a shit about what they say anyway. The Old Testament rules are silly in this day and age (who doesn't eat shellfish, who isn't allergic these days? Who checks whether their sweater is blended materials?), and the opinions of the Apostles are as well, to me.

The only person who matters in the New Testament is Jesus, and he was mum on the gay issue. Honestly, if he were to show up today, who would he be hanging out with? Who are our (unfortunately) proverbial lepers? Gays/trans people/HIV patients. Who do you think He would have healed in modern society?

So, yeah, Rick Warren needs to crawl back in his evil (yes, EVIL) little hole. Or at least denounce the laws supported by an acquaintance, which violate everything he is SUPPOSED to believe in.

Serious reading

2009-08-14T03:04:00.002-04:00

I know I need to do some more fun and light-hearted stuff, and I honestly keep meaning to, but then things blow up or are brought to my attention, or I start following ideas and get sucked down the rabbit hole. Case in point: the newest (probably far-too-belated) concept I've been introduced to: "cis" - as opposed to "trans" - sexuality.

Until a recent kerfluffle amongst the Fat Acceptance community regarding ignorance of privilege, I had never heard of this terminology. It is a simple idea - just the notion of whether one identifies with one's genetic/biological gender, or not. Most people know what transsexuality is, but the flip side - cissexuality - is rarely explored because society says it is the norm (so what's there to talk about?).

I discussed it briefly - and ignorant of this concept - in my the bad and the good post. I didn't name the cis-privilege as such because I didn't know the concept, and am still working on realizing my personal blind spots when it comes to privilege. But what I was trying to explain was how someone privileged in this way should try to view those who live on the trans side of the world.

Because recent readings made me wonder WTF this "cis" concept was, I went searching. And I found this fantastic blog post that I feel should be required reading for everyone in this day and age:

http://juliaserano.livejournal.com/14700.html

PLEASE check it out. There are wonderfully simple explanations of terms and ideas, as well as why people might or might not choose to identify this way, and real-world stories and examples that bring it all home. The comment section is also highly informative.

My mind is open, but I am constantly being reminded by the world as to how far I have yet to go. I welcome the correction and education, because I know the distance I have already traveled on this journey. I can only hope that those of you reading this might accompany me along the way to a better understanding.

Puh-leez

2009-07-30T03:46:00.002-04:00

I know I haven't bitched about politics lately, and I'm sure you ALL were crying your eyes out over this sad fact.

But these new "deather" conspiracy nonsense really has me irritated.

First, I have to disclaim: I am NOT in favor of universal healthcare. I think socialized medicine is a BAD idea. Many rational arguments supporting this stance can be found all over the internets, or in your brain if you feel like thinking critically. That being said, I'm totally cool with the government widening the Medicaid system or providing something like a cross between Medicaid and private insurance, for those who are currently not covered.

But the notion that socialized medicine = putting the elderly on death lists?!? That is FUCKING RIDICULOUS.

I have read nowhere of the elderly being killed off by the numerous countries that currently have socialized medicine. In fact, a large number of older people in those countries have a higher quality of life (or less stress, at least!) because medical costs aren't a concern for them.

I saw far too many heartbreaking situations when I was working in pharmacy, almost all of them involving retirees who couldn't afford their medications. We often gave them massive price breaks, and did the best we could to help them figure out how to get the most medicine they could afford on their limited budgets. I can be a cold hard bitch, but even I feel that no one should have to go through that.

Even though I'm not the biggest fan of what the President and Congress are trying to do, I'm not so stupid (or aggressively blind in trying to promote my agenda) as to think - or want to make others think - that the proposed healthcare plan will be an old-people and unborn-baby killing spree. And the people trying to convince the weak-minded and ignorant otherwise should be ashamed of themselves.

Ok, I'll say this

2009-07-08T01:22:00.003-04:00

The media onslaught and speculation and everything else have brought me to this conclusion:

I feel immense pain and sympathy for the child Michael Jackson originally was. He had spirit and talent and potential, and what seemed to be a truly bright soul. I can't say what his father's abuse wrought, what the constant onslaught of media did (remember: her grew up before the paparazzi culture, and before deciding to want to be famous meant what it does today), or where his own decisions took him.

I do believe that every life has a chance to bring beauty and meaning and joy to the world, and for a time it seemed that his life might do more than many. And for that, for the lost chances and the questions and the pain surrounding his existence, I feel immense sadness.

I don't deny or disclaim anything I said before, but being reminded of the child he was, and knowing my own history, I can't help but feel some pity. I won't say what kind, as this isn't what my post is about, but the pity and sadness and the wish for something better are there.

And I do hope he is at peace.

Icon?

2009-06-27T04:38:00.003-04:00

I have pissed people off here before, and probably will do so again now.

I am not sorry Michael Jackson is dead. Not at all.

From the perspective (music/talent) in which he is currently being commemorated? No. He was *marginally* talented musically. He was a "star" and an "icon", but as far as actual talent, he was pathetically lacking. Genius? Please. I'm sorry, but no. Look at Beethoven. Look at Freddie Mercury. Hell, look at Josh freaking Groban. MJ had some moves, but so do a lot of folks. He could falsetto, as can a bunch of others. JT might have been inspired by him, but he takes it way farther and much hotter.

But for me, the main point is and has been for a long time now that he was a child molester. And as someone who was molested as a child, all this posthumous fawning and forgiveness is painful and disgusting. Yes, I know he was never convicted in criminal court. But the testimony of his victims, along with the well-documented civil settlements, leaves no question in my mind.

The world lost a pop figure and a pedophile. Forgive me if I don't prostrate myself in anguish.

A Lesson From My Cats

2009-06-02T03:26:00.001-04:00

If you love something, set it free. If it comes back, it probably wants some food.

For those who have not seen her...

2009-05-22T23:03:00.007-04:00

Here is my brave little Toaster!

As you can see, there is absolutely no visible sign of her injuries remaining.

Even better, there is little to no behavioral sign of what she went through. She is shy - most of our kitties are, probably because I'm such a hermit that people rarely come over - and sometimes flinches if Chris or I move too fast, but she never runs away. She faces up to whatever makes her nervous. Even more significantly (and surprisingly): she is SO nice with the other kitties! She always has a friendly sniff, and is happy to sleep on our bed with Elcy, Tito, and/or Boo (Garlic is too cool for school, and never sleeps up there). The ferrets make her nervous, but not fearful. She is a little more interested in Dolly than I like, but she has never gone after her - she just sits and stares till I clap my hands at her. Aside from her interactions with strangers and the other critters, she is very playful - especially for her estimated age of 5 - and physically affectionate. She hasn't been as much of a lap cat these past few weeks as she was when she first exited quarantine, but she sleeps at the foot of our bed daily, and seeks out attention from both me and Chris on the same level as the rest of the cats.

I am thrilled with how nice a fit she is with our family. Considering that we were very firm on our "4 cats" rule, I am pleased we broke it, and she has made it completely worth having done so.

More guilt

2009-05-13T02:40:00.005-04:00

Ok, most folks know by now that I am plagued with guilt over my fish. They (the goldies - Bill was spoiled rotten, bless his little scaly departed soul) have never been in a proper-sized tank. I am entirely to blame - I didn't do enough research initially, and I allowed people who wanted to be "nice" to me (rather than yell at me, as they should have if they really gave a shit about the well-being of the fish I have decided to keep) to let me think I was doing right by them.

I have known for some time that I need a tank that is at least 100 gallons. I was fortunate to acquire my 65-gal from Freecycle, but have not yet found a larger one there. Instead, I have planned on a future purchase of a good-sized tank and good filtration system. In the meantime, though, I've been watching craigslist for something to come along that would do the job for (hopefully) significantly less than retail. Because full price for a decent tank and filtration system is going to be at least$1500. A rather hefty sum, which I would play gladly if the cash was just lying around, but it isn't.

Something popped up last month, but was quickly gone again. Tonight I found something that would possibly do very nicely. An auspicious start quickly devolved into a situation that has me upset.

I wrote with specific questions about the dimensions of the tank and the condition of it, the stand, and the filtration system. The seller also mentioned that they could provide photos upon request, and I asked for them, of course.

In response, I received answers to my questions, as well as a single photo. Then tank and stand look nice, but they featured a planted, stocked tank. At least 17 tetras of different varieties.

I started worrying, and wrote immediately, "I have to ask - the fish in the pic are NOT coming along, right? I'm assuming they have a new home? My goldies are big, and the older one is decidedly mean (as goldfish tend to be)."

The seller responded: "You can have the fish to . im in townsend and dont mind transpoting it there for you." (All spelling and grammar issues totally on his/her end).

So now I'm upset. Was I not totally clear? I have no need or desire for more fish. I'm too lazy a fish-mama as it is. I cannot handle a planted tank, or a tank with this many fish. The whole point of the new tank was to get a home for fish who need one, not to get a bunch of new freaking fish! And I can't put a goldfish in with the tetras - aside from the environmental incompatibilities, the goldfish would eat all the rest in a heartbeat, and I could NOT handle that.

So now I'm worried for those poor little finny babies - this person clearly doesn't give a crap about them. What would he/she do to them if I said I want the tank but NOT the fish? Don't tell me - I know. Worse, what will happen if I do nothing (as I now must)?

I'm angry, because now I can't buy this tank. I can't trust that all those lives will be treated properly if I try to arrange things how I need them to be. Which means that Goldie and Alfie will have to wait, and they have already waited so long. I shouldn't have gotten my hopes up, but I did. And now I know of a whole group of animal lives in peril that I can do nothing about. And I don't know what to say to this person, someone who has also had hopes raised - in a pretty crappy economy - that they might be able to sell something they may no longer be able to support financially.

I just don't know what to do or how to handle things like this - so many hypothetical burdens on my soul. And once the potential is there, it will always be there. If I was able to forget this sort of thing, my being would be much lighter, at least for now. But this tank, with its school(s) of tetras will stay with me the rest of my life. I will always wonder if they were ok, or flushed away so the current owner could pay some bills. And not knowing, I will assume the worst and feel responsible.

THIS is why I pay retail.

the bad and the good

2009-05-06T00:49:00.003-04:00

The bad:

http://jezebel.com/5207676/marvel-divas-because-nothing-says-superhero-like-hot-sudsy-fun#c

and

http://io9.com/5239963/marvel-boss-were-not-sexist-just-loud

First off: *gag*, Marvel. Divas? Are you kidding me? You gave us Phoenix. Rogue. Storm. She-Hulk. All bad bitches who kick ass and take names. And while you may have discounted us, you gained a TON of female fans in doing so. But "divas"? Fucking DIVAS? Four gal-pal heroines who get together and re-enact Sex and the City scenes and personify pathetic old tropes of what it is to be female? I'm sorry, but this is a betrayal of the multitude of feminist fans you accumulated over the years. You debase your core female characters by allowing this pathetic mockery to take place on your publication's watch.

I am especially disappointed in Joe Quesada. First, to say (basically), "if you don't like it, don't buy our comics." And then to play it off as if what we are objecting to is the damn cover? That is the LEAST of the problems with the series. I can forgive all kinds of physics-defying boobage, physiology-defying waistlines, and gratuitous cameltoe. Hell, I've been doing it since I was 5 or so. He knows full well that the issue isn't physical appearance - sure, some people get hung up on that, but that hasn't been the uproar online and he damn well knows it - it's the trivializing of the lives of these female "heroines". Here's a sad question: in the Marvel Universe, is Cyclops "Big", or "Aidan"? And as a default, where does Logan fall? And how fucking disgusting is it that I have to draw this parallel to make my damn point?

I'd go further, but many of the commenters on the posts I linked to covered any and everything I might have to say. Except (possibly) this: All my spending money for the foreseeable future WILL be going towards the TPBs of Love & Rockets that I have been eyeing for some time now.

And now, the good:

http://jezebel.com/5239012/17-year+old-granted-permission-for-double-mastectomy

I COMPLETELY understand the need/desire for caution when it comes to life-altering decisions made by minors. Hell, I'm someone who made the conscious decision to wait to have sex till I was 18, because I wanted to be an adult and as in control of my life and decisions as possible. That being said, I have never heard of a post-op transgendered person suddenly changing their minds and wishing they hadn't had any surgery or hormone therapy. Ever.

When did you KNOW you were a girl? Or a boy? I've known as far back as I can remember. Imagine having that innate conception, that bone-deep knowing, only the "knowledge" was incorrect, because your genitals proclaimed you to be the opposite sex. Can you truly envision being forced to enter the bathroom or locker room of the opposite sex, on a regular basis, feeling you were intruding somewhere you genuinely didn't belong? This poor child wore a DIAPER in order to avoid just that scenario. A diaper. In high school.

I have known pain in my life. Pain I will not discount for anything. But I know and understand that what I have experienced is nothing compared to that soul-deep crisis of identity and self that transgendered people feel day after day for years. If not for a lifetime.

I bless the Family Court of Australia for doing this (what else to call it?) mitzvah for poor, tormented Alex. And I pray that the courts in the U.S. someday have the wisdom and compassion to follow suit.

Lippie Layering Madness

2009-04-15T02:26:00.002-04:00

I don't know how many people I have consulted (whined to) about this, but I have been on a mission for years. The goal: to find a lippie that makes my lips look like all those models/actresses/etc. in magazines in the early-to-mid 90's. That brown/pink with the barest bit of shimmer, almost natural, not quite nude or MLBB ("my lips but better"), but something just beyond that.

I've mentioned my "color issues" here before - not only am I color-blind/weak, but my skin tone is surprisingly tricky. I'm a Little Brown Gal (sans grass skirt, shack, island wonderland locale): brown hair, brown eyes, and brown skin - though the skin is a much paler version this most recent decade, since I started freaking out about skin cancer and my crazy dark childhood tans. But I'm cool toned. Also, my lips are slightly pigmented - enough that if I didn't have an inherent desire for darker colors, I could throw on clear chapstick or gloss and look just fine. These things - plus scarring along the edge of my lower lip that limits formulation possibilities - make it ridiculously difficult to find exactly what I'm looking for.

But I have! Well, assuming what looks delicious tonight holds up in daylight, anyway.

I recently re-embarked upon my mission. My first stop was MUA; more specifically, the makeup board and then productville. I also consulted my good buddy Marta, who is as OCD about cosmetics as I am. After this, I headed on over to ebay. I hate paying retail.

Some of the lippies arrived yesterday, and I have a winning combo! I bought MAC's Viva Glam V (VGV), thinking it might potentially be a winner all on its own. The pink is great, and the pearly shimmer is dead on, but overall it's too pale. Also arriving was MAC's Slimshine lipstick in Funshine. I bought that knowing it would be horrendous on its own - too pale, too peachy - but figuring that it might be just what I needed if I had to break down and layer. And I did.

My go-to lippie for layering is MAC Slimshine in Prudeaux. It applies too unevenly and a tad too dark on its own, but it is glorious over my HG, Lorac's Gloss Stick in Sheer Berry. Once it was clear that neither new lippie would work as a stand-alone, I first tried applying Prudeaux and topping it with Funshine. Total bust. I got that tacky "dark lip liner with pale lipstick" look. I reversed the application order (Prudeaux over Funshine), and it was gorgeous! So I decided to try layering Prudeaux over VGV and it was almost exactly what I wanted! To the point where I emailed Marta and told her I had a winner.

But I can never leave well enough alone. My brain kept going, and a few hours later, I decided to try VGV + Prudeaux + a swipe of Funshine. Perfection! VGV gives the pink and shimmer, Prudeax gives the red/brown, and Funshine adds that suggestion of gold without actually being gold that pulls it all together!

Of course, I still dream of a single lippie that does all this in one tube. But I don't have to find that lippie, at least for the time being (*knock on wood*)!

This, plus my recent HG mascara discovery, means I'm free from cosmetics obsessions for at least the next few months! Maybe I'll go back to Weight Watchers?

The New Romance

2009-04-07T01:27:00.002-04:00

I'll admit it with no shame: I am a voracious reader of romance novels. More specifically, historical romance novels. Ye Olde Bodice Rippers, if you will. I love reading about the falling-in-love process, especially when the author is good and there are believable roadblocks to make the story more enjoyable. And I won't lie - the sex is frequently quite awesome!

But, apparently, a new era has been ushered in! Echoing the timeless "lord falling for the governess" and "Duke enchanted by a bluestocking nobody", we now have the digital age paradigm: "Blogger falls for a commenter".

The meeting of minds was made first - a new order in and of itself - in that he found her blog and decided to follow it and comment regularly. He made several overtures, the main one being a date invitation including his Social Security Number so that she could check him out and feel safe. The date occurred, but she still held herself aloof. He persisted, and eventually they came together and embarked on an actual relationship. There was much back-and-forth on the blog, and numerous hints were dropped. In the end, the revelation was that he proposed and she accepted!

Maybe not the most whirlwind and epic love story, but definitely one for this age! I couldn't be happier for them.

And for those reading further, here is the blog post breaking down the NYT story as it actually was on her blog:

http://althouse.blogspot.com/2009/04/let-me-supply-missing-links-for-that.html

All the best, you two!

Seth Rogen: die in a fire.

2009-04-01T02:49:00.004-04:00

As an actor, you have been blessed to be included in some truly fucking hilarious movies. I have no notion as to how much of that is your own doing, how much credit belongs to Judd Apatow, and how much is blind luck. I have been amused by you, emotionally drawn in by you, and - yes - even a little bit attracted to you.

But making fun of eating disorders? NOT cool. Do NOT play like your recent weight loss is due to bulimia (you're a fucking actor - your JOB is to mold your body to the next role), and do not make jokes about being thin with messed up teeth.

You should be ashamed of yourself, and you owe a gigantic apology to the millions of people out there with eating disorders. Yes, myself included. I may be self-serving, but I'm not making a buck off of mocking the horrific emotional pain of others. Bulimia is NOT a joke, and it is NOT a freaking punch line. It is a painful daily struggle, one that many do not come back from.

And Jon? Laughing and playing along? I expected better. My heart is hurting tonight, and I hope someday the two of you realize what asses you were. Though not at the expense of you or anyone you know or care about. Unlike you jackasses, I know the cost of an eating disorder, and I wouldn't wish it on anyone. Not even someone you know, a stranger to me, in order to teach you a lesson.

making light

2009-03-18T23:51:00.002-04:00

Usually, The Daily Show doesn't depress me. Sure, it makes me aware of things that anger/upset/etc. me, but the show itself doesn't tend to do so. The Jim Cramer interview ep did, and now this most recent (Wed. the 18th) one did too.

Yes, the concept of "Snakes On A Plane" was hilarious (though the execution was horrendous). But 30,000 pythons loose in Florida? Not funny on SO many levels. Mainly, this is devastating from an ecological perspective. What used to take millenia of gradual migration now takes a few plane rides and a hurricane or two, to introduce a new species. There have been countless stories of nutria and those creepy toothy fish than can walk over land, not to mention kudzu, but this story is somehow amusing?

What's worse is I don't know who to be more upset for. There are the snakes, who were deliberately bred for sales (so not a natural number in any circumstance, let alone this one), and are unexpectedly competing for resources in a narrow market. I honestly feel that they are the ones who should be pitied the most - I can't imagine that the number of escaped snakes is remotely sustainable, so the die-off is going to be horrific. Then there are the "natural resources" (AKA the small wild animals and birds, plus the unattended pets) that this giant number of predators is seeking out; that population never expected or evolved to deal with an influx of so many predators! It breaks my heart to think of all those poor animals who would never have been in danger, now driven into "prey" territory by a scarcity of resources.

There are, of course, the people who these snakes "belonged to", who have lost their buildings (one assumes, since the snakes escaped) plus the animal inventory and who knows what else. And the people who will undoubtedly lose pets to this nightmare. Honestly, though, I feel far more pity for the "pets" than for the people who foolishly allow said critters outside alone and unattended.

As I said, I love snakes. I fell in love with a young boa years ago, and never recovered. So as difficult as the ethics are, someday I would like to own/live with one. If it wasn't already living on a diet of humanely-killed frozen prey, I would do my best to convert it to that diet, for the sake of the prey AND the predator. And it breaks my heart that all these poor young pythons are being forced to fend for themselves (to the detriment of the local population) because of human greed/expectations/money/poor planning.

My new hero(ine)

2009-03-05T23:02:00.002-05:00

Barbara Walters! Check this out:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XjZmErjFhK4

"And that's coming from her!" Priceless.

And then her FACE. Her opinion of Hasselbeck is so obvious in the few moments of "The View" that I randomly capture when people I give a crap about are on.

Babwa can give lame softball interviews to celebrities for the rest of her life. I will treasure her for this moment forever.

"Americans Can Do Anything"

2009-02-24T22:39:00.002-05:00

Yes, Bobby Jindal, like ELECT BARACK OBAMA. The guy whose economic plan we support in a majority that vastly overwhelms those who actually believe the moronic talking points you just spouted.

Here's the thing - as I've said, I am pretty fiscally conservative. There are a LOT of programs/projects in the stimulus bill that I think should either be eliminated in general, or seriously re-vamped before we throw more money at them. You know what? I also hate spending $5 - 6 for a gallon of milk. But I do, every time, to buy organic. Because not only does it benefit me immediately, but it also has a positive global effect. The organic certification/regulation system is far from perfect, and I could easily spend less on "regular" milk. But I refuse to save myself a few dollars now in an unwillingness to at least try to invest in a better future for myself and the world around me.

And until the GOP grasps this concept, they will continue down their road to dinosaur-hood.

Kids These Days

2009-02-19T00:29:00.002-05:00

I get SO tired of hearing about how teens/tweens/children in this day and age are growing up with no values or sense of their place in the world. Sure, they have an insane amount of information at their fingertips, and unprecedented access to things that were previously reserved for "adults". And they often communicate in ways that older folks (myself included! I refuse to even check Twitter out) don't understand. But to say that these things have distanced them from their humanity is deliberately myopic.

Last fall, I was moved to tears by the story of teens in complete sincerity electing a girl with Down Syndrome as their Homecoming Queen.

And today, I learned of this:

http://sports.espn.go.com/highschool/rise/basketball/boys/news/story?id=3914375

A basketball player lost his mother to cancer, and wanted to play in the game that evening. He had been left off the roster due to his family situation, but he wanted to play. The visiting team argued with officials to allow it without a penalty, but the officials basically said "rules are rules" and declared that the visitors needed to take their 2 free throws. In a wonderful gesture of sportsmanship and compassion, Darius McNeal volunteered to take the free throws, and then basically threw them both away.

These are just items that were noteworthy enough to make national news. How many more stories like this occur every single day? I'm willing to bet that it is FAR more than adults give "the younger generation" credit for.

Same/different

2009-02-15T02:08:00.002-05:00

Why do I feel like I'm on Sesame Street?

It's like I'm Grover (who I despise), doing that "near/far" routine. Only it's a red/blue "two Americas" scenario.

I consider myself to be a fiscal conservative and social liberal. I am totally for gay marriage (marriage, not the "civil union" sop) and against universal healthcare. There are many other examples, but these are the hallmarks. I don't believe in judging people, and I also don't believe in paying to support them. Do your own thing, and let my tax dollars go to support the maintenance of this nation, not you. I have a number of friends who are fans of different areas of public policy, many of which don't overlap with my own.

But I refuse to believe that there are two different "Americas" occupying the geography of this country. To assert otherwise is pathetically simplistic and near-sighted. I have a LOT in common with a lot of people who share different social views, as well as with people who share different fiscal views. I will never sign on to the idea that there is a "my" America, and an America of people who are so different from me as to constitute a separate nation. To ascribe to this belief is to harken back to pre-Civil War-times, and to expect/hope to divide this land into areas where certain beliefs/ideals hold sway. I could never choose which "America" was more my own, and I think that's the point.

Our country is fluid. Our leadership and representation are fluid. Hell, our beliefs are fluid! Do you truy believe the exact same things you did 10 - 20 years ago? I sure as hell don't! If I did, there wouldn't be a point in my ever voting again. But my thoughts and ideals have changed. And they will continue to do so.

The beauty of this nation is that, for better or worse, it represents the current ideals of its population at any given time, plus a short lag time between election cycles and social evolution. As much as it often pains me that we are still entrenched in ignorance and fear, the fact that acceptance and populism and humanism are on the upswing makes me somewhat optimistic for homo sapiens as a species.

Gee.

2009-02-07T02:45:00.003-05:00

&*I can't imagine WHY I was pulling for a filibuster-proof majority in November... Fuckers. I'm sorry, but DIE IN A FIRE already, you foot-dragging bastards! This country is sinking in a tar pit and you want to freaking nit-pick???

No. Just no.

And Barack and the dems - shame on you for squandering the majority and mandate we granted you, in efforts to be "post partisan". Those fuckers will NEVER be post-partisan (as was demonstrated over the LAST EIGHT YEARS). Work around those assholes and save this country. PLEASE.

While you're at it, keep the nightlight on inside the birdhouse in your soul...

Why do I torture myself?

2009-02-04T02:10:00.006-05:00

I know what happens (or will happen). I know how evil people are, and how realistically they can be portrayed. So WHY am I watching 24?

I liked that this season finally addresses Africa (initially, at least - who knows where it will go?). And I was amused at the whole This! Time! Jack! Is! Working! Outside! The! Government! angle.

But as much as the subject matter is slightly varied, and the potential for a somewhat new approach (given the current "real life" administration) is enormous, my personal problem remains: I am given to expect the worst from people. When a government agent turns out to be a traitor, or a Secret Service agents tries to assassinate the president's spouse, it's par for the course with me. But when an average person (or a government agent/employee) is portrayed - as so often does happen in real life - as laying down his or her life to protect/save the lives of others, it tears me up completely. Because I am not wired to expect that from anyone other than my family. The notion that a person could and would make that sacrifice for an untold (and unanticipated/unexpected) number of strangers who may never know the magnitude of their sacrifice kills me. I can hardly bear it.

I'm sure there are a million ways to analyze this, especially considering my own guilt/self-worth issues. I just don't understand why I keep coming back for more upset. From a tv show. Maybe I want to be convinced that this really happens, or could happen?

Hey!!!

2009-01-28T15:31:00.002-05:00

No, I do not "Wanna See [Your] Pic's". I want you to stop spamming me, and to learn how to use apostrophes.

And I'm saddened that I no longer get good, funny spam subject lines like I did two years ago. Where's the creativity? Where's the pizazz? Where's the effort?

Stress

2009-01-22T02:16:00.002-05:00

So we're refinancing our house. Now is an excellent time to do it - our credit scores are good, and we can seriously cut our interest rate and our monthly payments, which will mean bettering our ability to work on our other debt.

But apparently the financial institution (well, any of them would but ours does) requires an appraisal of the house. I guess to make sure we haven't trashed the place in the 10 years since Chris bought it. (Jeez! 10 years!) The appraisers are coming at 10 a.m. Monday (that's right - a.m. - *dies*).

While many things dissatisfy me about our house, I am now freaking out about the stuff I overlook on a daily basis because it's what we live with:

- The flooring is the worst - it's decent, but far from good enough for selling the house, thanks to the cats and ferrets. The ferret room is atrocious. Our stairs are totally torn up in places. If only Empire Carpets serviced our area, we'd take care of it! But no: the fuckers torture me with their commercials on a daily basis, but they apparently won't come to my home for a consultation OR next day installation.

- The paint: we haven't touched it up. In years. Our ceilings have marks from my clumsy attempts at assistance. We have moved/replaced fixtures like the doorbell and thermostat, and never painted the newly-exposed areas. There are chipped/stained spots from my clumsy behind smacking into walls with furniture and pretty much anything else. And with all the critters, we can't just paint willy-nilly. Being psycho about my babies, I just don't trust those supposedly "safe" (no/low VOC) paints out there.

- The banister going down to the basement has been off the wall for *years*, since removing it to bring our old and oft-missed burgundy sofa and loveseat down there. And I don't want to put it back up, since we'd just have to take it down again to get Toaster's cage out of there.

- Oh Lord, speaking of Toaster - what will they think of our quarantined kitty and her freakish gigantic cage?

- And again on her - the trim in the door jambs we had to take down to get her cage into the master bedroom and then into the basement!

- And Dolly! - what will they make of my funny little hate-bird and her sprawling empire that takes up a good bit of the living room?

- Our lame attempt at amateur crown molding should probably come down, but then there would be nail holes. Soooo many nail holes.

- The crack in the foundation - that's a biggy. We can get it epoxy sealed, and were planning to do that this year, but how will it look in just a few days? What will it do to our home value?

- We still have just too much STUFF. I have been de-cluttering like a madwoman, but it just doesn't feel like I've made much headway.

- The porn! Where will I hide the porn?!? And the whips and chains?

Ok, I'm kidding about the last bit. But seriously it's just so overwhelming. I still have up our wreath and a random decoration I forgot about from Christmas! At the same time, I know our house is in better shape than many, especially around here, so I'm tempted to just clean and say "screw it". But with housing prices being what they are, I'm afraid that attitude (and the market fluctuations) will manage to price our house so low that somehow things will end badly. Mostly excessive worry on my part, but sadly not *totally* unrealistic these days.

So for now, I will swim in my stress. Bathe in it. And hopefully, eventually, emerge on the other side renewed and clean. Hopefully.

Cross your fingers for me!

Note to self

2009-01-21T01:13:00.002-05:00

Everything is available on amazon. EVERYTHING. Usually cheaper than anywhere else online, and with free 2-day shipping (thanks to my Prime membership, which is worth its weight in gold).

Cheese? Check.

Niche perfumes? Check.

Trampolines? Check.

So why the heck am I constantly forgetting this fact and buying things on other sites, only to discover I've wasted money? No clue.

So this is my reminder to myself - when shopping online, *always* check amazon first.

A raffle!

2009-01-14T23:11:00.002-05:00

I know times are tight for everyone, but if you have a few spare dollars, and would consider spending them on chances to win items for a worthy cause, please check out this raffle:

http://fundraisingforlinda.com/

The gal running the raffle is someone I absolutely trust, and she is doing it for a wonderful reason. I donated a number of the items (as you can see by the donor names listed), and there are several things I intend to go for. I hope you will at least take a look and think about doing the same!

Poor baby

2009-01-07T23:38:00.006-05:00

As much as I anthropomorphize everything around me, and often attribute understanding to my non-human children when it's really not there, I am sometimes reminded that my babies are not reasoning creatures. In this case, it's Elcy:

She was tearing around the house like she was possessed all weekend. All day, all night. Running into the bedroom, then back out. Running down the stairs and out into the dining room, then zooming back up the stairs again. She gets lit sometimes so I didn't think much of it, although it was excessive friskiness for her.

Monday she was invisible all day. Again, not uncommon - she likes to sleep in the bedroom all day and I was (as I have been all week, unfortunately) on a diurnal schedule, and I assumed she was up there. But when I went up to ferret-proof (close off the bedroom and guest room) to let Harriet and Podo out, she was sitting in one of the litter boxes. This is what our litter boxes look like:

So basically she was sitting in a little kitty cave. I thought she was just being goofy and weird (as is her wont), so I gave her some skritches and then shut the door and went on about my business.

But she never came to bed that night.

Tuesday she was still in the box. All day. When I went to let the fuzzies out in the afternoon, I decided she needed to come out, since as a rule the kibble is only downstairs and I don't keep water in the guest room for them. So I took the top off the litter box and she cringed and acted frightened. I shooed her out of the room, and the ran into the hallway and just crouched in the middle of the hall. As she ran, I heard crackling. I went to pet her, and she just cowered, trembling and growling at me. I've only ever seen her act that way at the vet, where she is unreasonably terrified. When I touched her, I got a zap and the lightbulb turned on.

Our house is very dry. Except when I'm sick, I prefer it that way as it's easier on my lungs. And apparently Elcy's fur texture is super-conducive to static electricity, and has been made that much more so by the lack of moisture in the house. Just walking around is enough friction to set off multiple little charges. All that running around and then the hiding in the litter boxes was my poor kitty trying to escape whatever was shocking her repeatedly! I can't even begin to imagine what she thought was happening to her. And I can't explain to her why it's ok, and why it will be all right.

I put our humidifier in the bedroom and turned it on full blast, and I set a big pot of water on the oven to simmer. I've gone through many gallons of water in the past 2 days, and the house is definitely more humid. Elcy is calmer, but still hiding out in the litter box, so there is now water and a little bowl of food in the guest room for her.

It's hard enough, dragging them to the vet when they don't know why mommy is making them go to the scary place where people do mean things to them. How do you comfort a kitty who thinks she's being tormented by invisible electric monsters?

My message

2008-12-19T23:28:00.002-05:00

This is the message I just sent to the Obama transition team, here: http://change.gov/page/content/contact/:

"I am writing to express my deep disappointment with the decision to invite Rick Warren to deliver the invocation at the Inauguration.

Throughout the presidential campaign, President-elect Obama inspired me more than any candidate ever has before. So much so that I donated to his campaign twice, something which I have never done for any other political candidate.

As a heterosexual woman in a "traditional" marriage, and as someone who holds strong and sincere beliefs that homosexuals are entitled to the same legal rights and relationships that I am entitled to, it breaks my heart that President-elect Obama has chosen such a closed-minded and bigoted individual to participate in something so important. Unfortunately, it sends a painfully clear message to non-heterosexual Americans that the next president of this country regards their rights and feelings as less important than symbolic "reaching across the aisle" political moves.

It is not too late to rescind this invitation, and I hope and pray that President-elect Obama and his team make the decision to do so before irreparable harm is done."

I doubt it will do much good, but I can't say *nothing*. Our officials are elected to represent us. They cannot do so if we don't make it clear how exactly we want to be represented.

Vitriol

2008-12-16T04:24:00.006-05:00

I know this maybe isn't the most sentimentally appropriate time of year for this topic, but unfortunately it is the specific time at which I was reminded of this insanity.

I'll be the first to admit that I'm a bitch who can Carry A Grudge. I can and do hold shit against people *forever*. That being said, it is a passive sort of enmity. The feelings linger on the edges of my psyche without taking on enough importance for me to have to act on them. It's more, "Oh, that person? I can't stand him/her and will never forgive x/y/z!" I don't have the will or ambition to seek out the people on the other end of my anger. Maybe it's a result of the fact that the person who is most deserving is already dead, and therefore all those guilty of lesser infractions aren't worth the time and effort? I don't know. Maybe it's just that I'm lazy.

I have recently ventured back into territories I had temporarily abandoned due to being busy elsewhere, and was deeply disheartenened and dismayed to find that the exact same poison is being spewed in posts and private messages (thanks for those, psycho internet haters!) as I first encountered four years ago. FOUR YEARS AGO. These few, pathetic people have not found it within themselves to let this random shit go by now. The hateful rhetoric is the same. The targets are the same. The venue is the same. And what's most pitiable is that their targets are undeserving. Believe me - I know derserving targets. These folks aren't it. I know a bit of what is behind some of the misunderstandings, and none of it is grudge-worthy. And again, I speak as one who can't help but to hold grudges.

But sadly, something about the internet culture, their fragile egos, and the amount of time they apparently have on their hands all converge to create this bizarre state/dimension in which they feel that the same people must be punished again and again for these minor transgressions. Infractions for which said people can (apparently) never be forgiven.

On second thought, maybe this time of year is particularly appropriate for this topic. Because the things I cannot forgive are those which I would only expect a higher being to be able to absolve. And I am far from a higher being. So shouldn't these very few people be able to be bigger than they have been?

Even if they can't get past the perceived transgressions, should they not at least try to lighten their own burdens and cease the active torment of those they feel did them wrong so long ago now? Wouldn't that be a wonderful gift to oneself, to decide to simply LET IT GO? I have done so for crimes far more heinous against my own soul and body than anything these supposed transgresors could have ever perpetrated. If I can let it go and be open to a happier, more peaceful life, shouldn't the self-proclaimed victims be willing and able to at least attempt to do the same?

Why I love him

2008-12-10T18:58:00.003-05:00

Two quotes from Jon Stewart's interview with Mike Huckabee last night, which perfectly stated deep-seated feelings I've had for a while (both from Jon, of course!):

"Religion is far more of a choice than homosexuality."

"It's a travesty that people have forced someone who is gay to have to make their case that they deserve the same basic rights as someone else."

A-freaking-men!!!

I also loved that he called Huckabee (and other similar people against gay marriage) out on the fact that by making their argument one of gay marriage "changing the definition of marriage, which has for *thousands* of years been a union between a man and a woman", they are resorting to semantics and ignoring the humanity. Too bad those people will likely never see it properly.

Gloves

2008-11-25T06:10:00.003-05:00

I love the British show "How Clean Is Your House?" that airs on BBCA. Partly because of the insane gross-out factor. Partly because it makes me feel SO good about my housekeeping skills. Partly because it inspires me to clean up around here.

What I hate? That they do the preliminary inspection and paw through the filthy houses WITHOUT GLOVES!!! People literally don't clean their kitchens or bathrooms for years (sometimes decades), and they slide their unprotected fingers through the muck and then hold them up to the camera. They use their nails to scrape of hellacious detritus from dishes that, again, literally haven't been washed in years. They pull giant clumps of hair and rotting things from drains. The pick up dead bugs. All with no gloves.

I'm sure this is all meant to heighten the *squick* factor (note to the BBC: it works!), but I'm honestly shocked that these women haven't contracted some bizarre disease from doing this. I'm equally - if not more - surprised that the insurers underwriting the program/studio/whatever don't require gloves. Lord knows that the few times they've sent swabs off for analysis, there have been some pretty skeevy results! Skeevy as in "organisms I was taught are 'rare' back when I was in pharmacy school, yet here they are coating entire rooms of houses." I remember one house where the dad had a saltwater aquarium, and he fed his fish raw food (squid, etc.) then went about his business without washing his hands. His ENTIRE house was coated with toxic levels of salmonella. They were a bit freaked because there were NO other organisms - the salmonella was colonized at such high levels that it had actually killed off any other bacteria!

I know I'm odd in that I buy boxes of latex gloves for myself, for doing things like cutting up raw meat and stinky veggies like onions. That's mostly about the fact that the idea of that gunk under my nails or smelling up my hands bugs me. But would it be so hard for these gals to pop these on? Heck, it might further emphasize just how nasty these houses are!

Aggie? Kim? Put on some gloves!!!

D-bag test strips

2008-11-24T02:46:00.002-05:00

Are you really a d-bag?

"Studies have shown that up to 30% of coffeehouse and restaurant patrons are giant assholes who want to bitch about the supposed fraud regarding the caffeine content of the decaf coffee they made a huge fucking deal about ordering. The D-Bag™ Test strip is a unique new product that quickly and easily determines whether you are the type of jerk to jump up and wave a little piece of paper in your waiter/waitress/barista's face and shriek, 'I knew it! This isn't decaf! Here's the proof!!!' to the irritation of all around you and the embarrassment of anyone unfortunate enough to be accompanying you at the time.

Quick and simple to use, with lab accurate results - simply contact the test strip to the beverage sample and view results. If they corroborate your deep dark suspicions, leap about and shout like the jackass you are. If not, smile knowingly to any human who is unlucky enough to catch your glance, and smugly say, 'It actually is decaf! This time...'"

Cleaning house

2008-11-23T17:24:00.002-05:00

I feel guilty about weird things. One of my huge hangups is upsetting people. Well, hurting their feelings - I don't mind pissing folks off. I'm not sure what the difference is in my mind, but it's there.

Anyway, I have some links to blogs I just don't read anymore. And a bunch more to blogs where the person just isn't posting. So I'm deleting them. I still love all the people involved, and enjoyed the content, but my list is too big and kinda defunct. I doubt any of the people involved will even notice, much less care, but I'm apologizing anyway. If it upsets you that I deleted your link, I'm sorry.

I am so lame.

Visitor

2008-11-23T04:49:00.016-05:00

A few pics of La Bamba, from her visit this past week:

"What? I'm adorable! Love me!"

Too cute to be a book...

On the Super 80's Blanket

Scary yawn

Helping Chris play WoW

In the ferrets' peanut dig box

Really getting into it!

Supervising my dishwasher-loading

"I can look precious anywhere, even sitting on a dishwasher door!"

Staring Dolly down (she is obsessed!)

Dolly, pissed at being closed in (for her safety!) and stared at

She's just too cute for words!!! R & K are lucky Bambina is so obsessed with my poor birdie (and just a general pain in the way only kittens can be), otherwise they might have a hard time getting her back!

Goals

2008-11-19T23:42:00.004-05:00

I have a number of small, unimportant things I want to accomplish in the not-too-distant future. I want to find a perfume that feels like a HG and inspires a modicum of enthusiasm in Chris (highly unlikely). I want to find the perfect Christmas gift for the friends and family members I'm shopping for. I want to sell (and get good prices on) a number of things on eBay that will be a bit of a hassle and aren't really selling well there, but are taking up space I can't spare at this time.

But one small goal WAS reached recently, thanks to the lovely Marina: I have TV fingernails!

Maybe you know what I mean, maybe you don't. Women/girls on TV with "neutral" nails (i.e. not noticeably painted) are universally wearing polish with a similar "feel": sheer or semi-sheer, pale, off-white and not quite pink. And I've been searching for *ages* for a polish that works like that for me.

My vastly mixed heritage doesn't help. Thanks to the blend of French, Scottish, English, Polish (we suspect, though it has never been admitted), Ukrainian, Russian, and (most largely represented) dark Irish and Greek, my coloring is confusing. People who don't know me tend to assume I'm Latina, Italian, or Native American, three groups I am not. I'm brown - dark brown hair, brown eyes, and olive skin. But something in my genetic makeup causes me to be almost paradoxically cool-toned. I look warm. Most color chart thingies say I *should* be warm. But I have the tell-tale blue veins that say otherwise, and the fact that I look terrible in most warm colors to support it. I am a "deep winter", though I don't think I look the part.

The other wrench in the gears of my search is also genetic. I am one of those rare females who is color-blind. In my case, it's more like "color weak". I am red-green deficient, and am what's known as an anomalous trichromat - more specifically, I "suffer" from deuteranomaly. Very dark greens appear black to me. Very dark purples appear green or black to me. Some very dark blues appear black to me. I have difficulty with lighter shades too, but it's more in terms of things "matching" than thinking lavender is lime. I don't see purples or pinks or greens quite how others see them.

Actually, "matching" is part of my color-blindness story. My dad is (obviously) color-blind. For years, he would consult me in the morning as to whether his ties matched his shirts, since he couldn't tell. I always thought his combos looked great! The year before 4th grade, when it became clear I needed glasses, my parents took me to the eye doctor. As part of the exam, he tested my color vision. Everyone (including the doc) was surprised to discover my issue! And apparently dad went to work and told people, at which point they came clean to him that his attire hadn't approached "matching" in quite some time. It's this knowledge, plus my personal inclinations, that has led me to wearing an almost entirely black wardrobe.

Wow. Major digression. The point is that I have found a few nail polishes I liked that, upon consultation with others, turned out to be entirely unflattering for me. It's hard enough to find reviews for polishes that apply to my odd-ish skin tone, but adding a deficient perception into the search makes it even more problematic.

But the search is over! I checked with Chris, and he said that the color is "subtle, but nice," which is exactly the goal! My nails look wonderful (to me) in all lighting scenarios so far, and look good to my independent observer. And it's a shade that, in the bottle, I would never have chosen for myself: Seche Chic. In the bottle, it looks far too warm and dark and pink for my tastes. But it is sheer, and I guess that and my own tones combine to make it work for me. It isn't quite YNBB, but it's a step better for me - *idealized* nails, like what I get with Essie's Jackie Oh My, but requiring fewer coats.

So once again, I owe the amazing Marina a debt of gratitude! I don't think I'll ever regret being selfish again :~D

Aesthetician

2008-11-15T15:40:00.003-05:00

I'm kitten-sitting this darling baby (her name is La Bamba) for a week:

I woke up today to her cleaning my *entire* face. I was nervous at first, because with hands/fingers she tends to be a "lick-lick-chomp" kinda kitty. But she just wanted to wash my face, and was very into it. It was quite an exfoliation! I had to turn my head a few times, when she tried to clean my eyelids, because it was borderline-painful. But aside from that, I received the full Kitten Peel™ treatment!

If there are any beneficial effects, I'll be sure to report them.

photo stolen from her daddy's facebook page

Winter is coming...

2008-11-12T18:39:00.002-05:00

to HBO!!!

http://grrm.livejournal.com/58155.html

Now we just need to cross our fingers for an announcement about "A Dance With Dragons"...

Ask, and it shall be given!

2008-11-07T02:20:00.002-05:00

Rachel Maddow on Colbert!!! My year is complete.

(Oh, and Rob: did you hear him compare her to Benedict Arnold?)

THANK YOU!

2008-11-05T00:07:00.002-05:00

To the citizens of the U.S., the planners and organizers, the universe...

Thank you for these fantastic election results! Thank you for hoping and working and VOTING!

We can only go up from here. The sky is the limit. Our country is on the verge of a massive re-invention and re-affirmation of all the things that make us great.

NO ONE LOST TONIGHT!!!

Broken promises?

2008-10-30T02:57:00.004-04:00

Fuck you, McCain.

Obama's 30-minute ad/message/infomercial was paid for by ME. And people like me, who donated what they were willing and able to contribute. I only sent in $50 total, but it was $50 more than I have ever contributed to ANY political campaign. Because although I disagree with a number of Obama's positions, I believe in the majority of his platform. And I believe in HIM.

And I think my money was very well spent. I'd send way more, if we had it to spare.

Broken promises? My ass!

The book meme

2008-10-27T14:51:00.005-04:00

I so love memes! Especially quick and easy ones! I was tagged for this one by Medicated Rabbit, Bi-polar Bunny.

Here are the rules: Grab the nearest book. Open the book to page 56. Find the fifth sentence. Post the text of the next two to five sentences in your journal/blog along with these instructions. Don't dig for your favorite book, the cool book, or the intellectual one: pick the CLOSEST. Tag five other people to do the same.

The book closest to me is Comic Book Tattoo, a compilation of short graphic stories (AKA cartoons/comics) based on Tori Amos songs. It's really cool and well-done, but the book is huge - it's on the end table right next to me because I can't think of where else to put it that it'll fit! Another unhelpful fact: the pages aren't numbered. So I counted 56 pages into the content, and (in part of the story based on "Little Earthquakes"), found this:

"I didn't even think about him. He lives in San Francisco. Sometimes he comes and visits for a weekend. Once he taught me how to make scones."

And I would like to tag:

Risa at No One Knows Why the Wolf Laughs

Bela at Slap of the Day

Tammy at What's in Tammy's Closet

Sali at Pink Manhattan

Jonna at Jonniker

Palpable Anger

2008-10-11T00:04:00.004-04:00

This is the letter I sent out today (3 copies, one to each of the co-owners of the clinic I take our furbabies to), with identifying info redacted:

Xxxxxxx X. Xxxx
### Xxxxxxx Xxx
Xxxxxxxxxx, XX #####
October 9, 2008

Dr. D
Wxxxxxxxx Animal Hospital
#### Xxxxxxxxx Xxxx
Xxxxxxxxxx, XX #####

Dear Dr. D:

I am writing to you and to the other co-owners of Wxxxxxxxx Animal Hospital to express my deep anger and disappointment in the events following my most recent visit.

Last week, I brought a cat, Toaster, in to be examined. She is a stray that I took into my care after attempts to locate her original owners yielded no results. She had several wounds on her side, but apart from those she was happy, healthy, and friendly. She saw Dr. Cxxxxxx.

The visit went just fine, and I was advised that since her bites were of unknown origin, she will have to be quarantined for 6 months on suspicion of rabies exposure, and immunized at 5 months assuming no symptoms develop. I signed an agreement to this effect, and upon arriving home returned her to the guest bedroom where she had already been quarantined.

What I was not advised of was that Animal Control and the Department of Health and Social Services would be informed. I understand the necessity for this, and it makes perfect sense, but I think it would have been appropriate (and bare bones good customer/patient care) for someone to let me know this would be happening. I was also not informed of the very specific enclosure requirements DHSS mandates for home quarantining. I only discovered this when their letter arrived today, requiring compliance within 10 days. It has been a week since I visited your hospital. A week in which I could have been obtaining a cage that fits these requirements, or the materials to build said cage.

I have trusted the care of my animal companions to this facility and the staff there for years now, and I feel that this trust has been violated. I tried to do a good thing for an animal that had no home, no family, and no medical care. And I wasn't shown basic common courtesy or provided with vital information for the care of this animal.

The main reason I am writing is to bring this issue to your attention. This can not have been the first animal brought in with unknown bites. I feel that in the future, the people providing the care for these animals should be given all relevant information at the time of the visit by your staff.

Thank you for taking the time to read this.

Sincerely,

Me

I had forgotten...

2008-09-24T23:23:00.005-04:00

how desperately, disbelievingly, deliriously joyful a cat is, when taken in from the street. Of course, I mean a cat who has had a former home, not a feral kitty!

I just brought in a small, gray female kitty who had been hiding under my neighbors' shed the past few days, if not longer. I asked if she was theirs first, of course. I had seen her poke her head out a few times, and I saw her licking something out of a tupperware container (so I think/hope they had been providing her food or water of some sort), but she was shy. I spent most of an hour by the fence with some kibble, trying to get her to come to me. She had that face that said she wanted to, but was scared. She has a large scabbed-over area on her flank that makes me think other neighborhood animals - probably cats but possibly humans, unfortunately - got to her a little while ago.

Once she came over for the food, she went crazy wanting attention. Rubbing herself against my hands through the fence and meowing and purring. It was then I checked with the neighbors, and got permission to take her. She followed me nervously out from their yard. That fence and the shed were real shelter and safety. But she came with me, and let me pick her up and bring her inside. I immediately took her upstairs to avoid contact with my kitties.

I brought her a litter box, a can of food, and fresh, clean water. A kitty bed I scooted under the human bed so she could hide and be comfy. A blanket for the floor, so she could lay down in the open if she wanted. I came back downstairs and posted "found" ads online. I went back up a few times to be sure she was ok. The first couple times she was hiding under the bed under the far back corner. She came out after I called her and rubbed my fingers together for a minute or so.

The last time I went up, she was laying out on the blanket. She came right to me and wanted attention. As before, I lied down on the blanket so she could have the attention she wanted without being forced. She rubbed all over me as she had the previous times, but then she looked up at the bed, looked at me, then looked at the bed again. It was like she was saying, "Can we please go up there?"

Of course I got in bed immediately, and she jumped right up. She couldn't settle down for at least 10 minutes. She was going from one side to the other, getting me to pet her with both hands, lying down for a moment only to get right back up...

Finally, she was able to be still and lie down. She relaxed more and more. She curled up against my side. She slept. Really slept. She licked her wounds a bit. She scratched her ears. She stretched out and put her head completely down.

And I nearly wept. It's hard to put yourself in that place - having no one, not being physically safe for who knows how long, having no sure supply of food or water. Being with an animal who realizes that they are *finally* safe and ok is a beautiful thing.

And I realized again all the things I had forgotten since Boo showed up on our patio, more than 5 years ago now. I forgot that cats can have dirty feet. It's an easy thing to forget, when your kitties are inside and safe, and have the leisure time to keep themselves properly clean. I forgot how rare and special it is for a cat to truly zonk out around you. Mine do it all the time. They'll be dead to the world until I touch them and startle them awake. That's how safe and comfortable they are here, even with their petty differences amongst themselves.

And I forgot how astounding and touching it is for an animal you met just a few hours earlier to curl up next to you and fall fast asleep, that frantic purring turning to silence because at last that creature can truly rest and relax. It is humbling, to have an animal trust me that much. And it is a feeling I will do my best not to forget again, and to never take for granted.

perspective

2008-09-23T01:22:00.002-04:00

If you aren't familiar with it, you really should be watching The Rachel Maddow Show on MSNBC (channel 356 on Directv, airing at 9 pm with repeats at 11 pm and 3 am that I know about, if not more).

Not only is she smart and quick and *funny*, but she also highlights a lot of things the mainstream media misses. And she is freaked out by a lot of things that people with foresight and rational minds are freaked out about.

I'm waiting anxiously for her to appear on The Daily Show or The Colbert Report. A lot of us are. *hint hint Jon and Stephen*...

On ice

2008-09-21T22:35:00.004-04:00

So, yeah. I sprained my fucking ankle last night. A very mild sprain, but it still hurts like a bitch if I try to walk on it "normally" or if I turn it the wrong way. Luckily the swelling is minimal, I can put some weight on it, and I am in the fortunate position of being able to sit around on my ass for days on end.

Thank goodness Acme delivers! I'll be fully stocked in sodas, convenience foods, and Ace bandages by 2:30 pm tomorrow.

Disappointment

2008-09-17T01:17:00.004-04:00

So I decided to DVR "Whatever, Martha!" (on the Fine Living Network, whatever the fuck that is). Early press hailed it as MST3K for the Martha Stewart show. I've been known to snark a bit myself (I know you're shocked - please contain yourself) and was looking forward to some fun. Martha is SO eminently snark-able! Instead, I'm faced with her daughter (Alexis Stewart) and a "friend" (Jennifer Koppelman Hutt) proving that they are capable of neither intelligent thought NOR true snark.

There are too many bad jokes/comments to list them ALL here without boring myself out of my mind, but I have to mention a few.

Ooh! Math! No one watching could possibly be capable of basic addition or subtraction! "Eunh??!" + a scrunchy face does NOT equal humorous commentary. And wow. A joke about having (plural) therapists. Steal from SNL much? Seriously - they commented her outfits to death. It's fucking Martha Stewart! Of course she wears ridiculous clothes! Are you telling me you grew up with her and that's all you can come up with? Please. And you dropped the f-bomb once and it got bleeped! You're totally speaking to the youth culture! *sigh* And heaven forfend we accept our bodies - nudity in the locker room?!? How dare females transitioning from a workout/shower to their street clothes (in a supposedly safe environment) DARE to allow their anatomy to go uncovered for a moment? Just because you, Jennifer, are uncomfortable with your body, doesn't mean the rest of us should be. Grow the fuck up! You mentioned you have children - are you seriously raising them with these neuroses? You have such a problem with people (male AND female) being comfortable in a naked but non-sexual environment? I pity you. I truly do.

Enough bitching. I will now mention the few highlights (the ones that actually made me laugh):

- a joke about Martha's comment that she uses a rubber mat to protect her knees when she kneels. And that fell flat because while the innuendo was clear, they did nothing with it. If you're going to joke about blow jobs (please do!) actually make the jokes. And have them be good!

- Commentary on the guy who is a "twine collector" - Jennifer: "He's sexually turned on by twine." Alexis: "There's a hole in it." This did actually crack me up.

- More on twine: "It looks like a coconut." I only mention this because I said it a millisecond before the chick on the show did (no, I couldn't tell which). It always makes me inexplicably happy when something I think/say is repeated on the tv show I'm commenting on.

Sadly missed? Jokes about "holding the tip" and "squeeze with this hand and hold with this hand" and doing "anything you like" in the cupcake icing segment. Seriously? This is cable! No cock humor?

I'm sure the show suffered a bit because Martha was actively involved. I'm glad she has at least a modicum of humor about herself and her image, but her involvement most likely inhibited what could have been a truly entertaining show. If only they had waited the 20+ years for copyrights to expire, and really applied the rapier!

I think the worst part is that my friends and I can do (and have done!) similar but better to Martha and a number of other shows. Why watch this, when I can record any old thing and then do a better job with people I actually give a shit about?

Alexis? Your mom kicks your ass. I will tune in for a few more shows, until the fall schedule really gets underway. Either it will improve by then, or I will have lost my patience. Current tv programming and Netflix leave no room for subpar shows. I wish this one hadn't registered so poorly so soon. I was really looking forward to it!

Wine + CNN

2008-09-04T23:56:00.003-04:00

= donations to the Obama/Biden campaign. I can't wait till my magnet gets here!

I'm so glad there are journalists (and blogs) picking apart political speeches now. The one time I did it (was it almost 3 years ago already?!?) it was a lot of work and infuriated me. I'd much rather hang out on Jezebel and snark with a bunch of likeminded folks who are as in-the-moment outraged as I!

Kiki, I hope you have an extra room or two available in case things go to shit in November!

Fuck Fruit Sensations

2008-08-16T03:44:00.001-04:00

I don't give a shit how long the flavor lasts. What I do give a shit about it the new "15 piece pack" gum packaging from Extra - it SUCKS!!!

I'm sure if one is a person who carries a teeny tiny purse, or if one is a dude who for some reason needs to carry 15 sticks of gum in his pocket, it's an improvement. But it's a bitch to get the gum out of the package now, and the package is a pain in the ass to close. Why even make a lid/closure on it? Every piece is glued in so tightly you have to give yourself cardboard cuts to remove one!

Saddest of all is that I will continue to suffer, because nothing makes me happier than sugar-free watermelon flavored gum. I waited years for it. So as much as principle has me wanting to boycott the punks, I just can't do it.

I am weak. WEAK!

More importantly

2008-07-21T07:45:00.002-04:00

Holy shit! I just rated Chris on good old Doctor Crane's scale (don't know why I didn't do it earlier).

78.5! And that's being nitpicky with the points! The online check +/- version gave him a 110!

So that's it, my husband is "very superior". I knew that long ago, of course - it's part of why I snatched him up! - but it's still daunting. There are a few areas I wish that scale addressed for the modern age, but most are unprintable...

Still, gotta figure out an easy way to score some points! Anyone want my red nail polish?

WTF?

2008-07-17T04:02:00.002-04:00

Why is it that I can hate (HATE!) Rush musically, but love them on the Colbert Report? I love the intro replacement already. How many more accessions can a gal be forced to make in the name of pop culture?

It's our anniversary!

2008-07-14T19:01:00.004-04:00

Doesn't he just have the best taste in flowers?

Flip Side

2008-07-07T21:15:00.002-04:00

Since I discovered what a piss-poor wife I am, I had to know if I might be a better husband. And since the tool was available, I implemented it. For the purposes of not confusing myself or weirding myself out, I'm replacing every instance of "wife" in the scale with "husband" and "her" with "him". And just a reminder: the "children" I'm answering questions about all have tails. Thankfully – for myself and for mankind – I am not responsible for any human children.

I do want to mention that there was a lot of overlap of questions from the "wife" scale, which I view as a good thing, since it means even back then spouses were holding each other to similar standards. Of course, there were no demerits on the "husband" scale for his nail polish color choices...

MARITAL RATING SCALE
Husband's Chart
George W. Crane, PhD, M.D.

"In computing the score, check the various items under DEMERITS which fit the wife, and add the total. Each item counts one point unless specifically weighted as in the parentheses. Then check the items under MERITS which apply; now subtract the DEMERIT score from the MERIT score. The result is the wife's raw score. Interpret it according to this table:"

Raw Scores - Interpretation
0 - 24 = Very Poor (failures)
25 - 41 = Poor
42 - 58 = Average
59 - 75 = Superior
76 and up = Very Superior

MERITS:

1. Gives husband ample allowance or turns paycheck over to him (5) – When I was working, my paycheck went into the pot. And I encourage him to spend our "extra" in ways that will make him happy. Seems equivalent to me – +5

2. Courteous to husband's friends – Always! Luckily, Chris isn't friends with assholes. Or, at least, if he is he doesn't make me spend time around them. – +1

3. Frequently compliments husband re: looks, cooking, housekeeping, etc. (5) – Absolutely! And it's always true – +5

4. Remembers birthdays, anniversaries, etc. (5) – I forgot our wedding anniversary once (I think it was our 3rd or 4th), but to be fair he also forgot it that year. We were both home, I realized the date, and freaked. I ran downstairs and said, "Do you know what day it is?!?" and he looked at me for a moment, then said, "Shit! It's our anniversary! I forgot!" And I said, "Oh thank God, me too!" Never before or since – +4

5. Helps husband with dishes, caring for children, scrubbing – Um, yeah. It's my job. – +1

6. Polite and mannerly even when alone with husband – Well, sure! I don't rudely demand things or call him names or anything. I know how to say "please" and "thank you", and do so frequently. I'm no ogress! – +1

7. Consults husband's opinion re: business and social affairs – He's a smart guy! Why wouldn't I want his input? Why would I marry someone whose opinion I didn't respect or want? – +1

8. Has date with husband at least once per week (5 per date) – Sadly, we are very much homebodies. We go out, but with him traveling and family obligations intervening, it's most definitely less than once a week – 0

9. Reads newspaper, books, or magazines aloud to husband –I do, though I'm not sure he appreciates it – +1

10. A good conversationalist – As long as someone else initiates it! – +1

11. Steady worker and good provider (5) – How about "sporadic worker and not a provider"? – o

12. Leaves car for husband on days he may need it – Ahhhhh… the historical context kicks in. When we've been rendered a 1-car household by circumstances, I have always given him "dibs" on the vehicle – +1

13. Handy about house re fixing iron, vacuum, hanging pictures, etc. – I think I'm the opposite of handy. When I *try* to be handy, I make things worse. Much worse. Oh, except when it comes to the vacuum – something about that thing resonates and I've fixed a few issues with it – but my failures elsewhere far outweigh my successes with the vac – 0

14. Enjoys taking husband along with him wherever she goes – I do! Luckily for him, I don't go very many places – +1

15. Doesn't interfere with husband's correction of children – Hell no! I actively encourage it! They are evil and behave badly, and I am too much of a pushover to discipline them properly. I'm more of an "encourager" than a disciplinarian – +1

16. Carries adequate insurance for family (5) – Sadly, no. People with my mental health history don't easily qualify for life insurance (which is what I'm assuming this question is referring to), and I'm too lazy and worried about what I'd have to go through to get it – 0

17. Doesn't quarrel with husband before children or the public – It's more bickering than quarreling, but I don't hold my tongue. Should I pretend all is well, and then ambush him when we're alone? That's somehow better? – 0

18. Makes guests feel welcome – an interesting entertainer – +1

19. Often tells husband she loves him (5) – Probably to excess, but I'd rather say it too often than miss an opportunity and regret it later – +5

20. Usually comes home with a smile – Of course! Especially if he happens to be there when I arrive – +1

21. Shares her business and personal problems with him – Again, probably to excess – +1

22. Holds husband's coat and opens doors for him – I really do. Why not? It's all about making the other person's life easier! – +1

23. Good humored in the morning – This is tricky. If I get up when my body tells me to, I'm in a *lovely* mood. If I have to get up for an appointment or plans or something and I'm still sleepy, I'm a huge grouch for the first hour or so. I think partial credit is in order here – +0.5

24. Even-tempered – Heh. – 0

25. Does not use tobacco – +1

26. Interested in athletics – Well, I'm interested in the athletics of others, especially as it pertains to their physiques. But I'm reasonably certain that's not what was meant here! – 0

27. Writes often and lovingly when away from home – I'm counting emails and texting. I can hardly write letters when he's only gone 4 days out of the week! Oh, Dr. Crane, could you have predicted free nationwide long distance? Cell phones? – +1

28. Plays with children or helps them with lessons (5) – Sometimes I feel like all I *do* is play with our children! – +5

29. Willing to go shopping with husband – Mostly. It depends on what for, and what mood I'm in – +0.5

30. Waits up for husband or calls for him at his party – Uh, no. And in this day and age that would be a little creepy/stalker-y. Now, if his ass wasn't home when I woke up the next day that would be a whole new ballgame! – 0

31. Neat in appearance – shoes shined, hair cut, suit pressed – Sure, when I need to be! In the spirit of this point, if not literally – +1

32. Attends church or urges children to attend Sunday school (10) – I almost want to give myself points for this because if/when we have a *human* child, I will want to give him/her some sort of spiritual framework to build on. But I myself am not the churchgoing sort, and since we only have children of other species, I don't want to cheat – 0

33. Attends parent-teacher meeting and educational lectures – I educate myself continually about our critters, and the most recent info on what is best for them, so I'm taking this point – +1

34. Ambitious – works or studies to gain promotion –Nope – 0

35. Surprises husband occasionally with candy, flowers, gifts – Absolutely! Though usually it's funny t-shirts, steaks, and/or other random stuff – +1

36. A fast and efficient worker, not the puttering sort – If only! – 0

37. Willingly prepares own breakfast – +1

38. Ardent lover – sees that husband has orgasm in marital congress (20) – Easiest 20 points I've ever earned! Though I must say that this is a bit unfair, balanced against the wifely equivalent of "reacts with pleasure and delight to marital congress" which was only worth 10 points. If anything, it should be 10 points for this (really 5 or 1 – providing the wife with orgasms should be a given!) and 20 points for the wife, since her pleasure is likely to be at least marginally less regular so she must therefore *muster* a reaction, whereas the husband usually just involuntarily *has* a positive reaction. But whatever. I get points! – +20

39. Shows husband attention and affection in public (5) – +5

40. Is a careful auto driver – Hell yeah! Especially since I have to be doubly careful thanks to all the assholes out there who can't drive for shit (I'm looking at *you*, punks who totaled our other two cars!) – +1

41. Kind, but firm and the head of her household – We're a team, TYVM! – 0

42. Well liked by women, courageous – not a sissy – On principle, I'm not so sure about that "well liked by women" thing – I'd rather women be indifferent to my hubby, personally. But I am so NOT a sissy! – +1

43. Is true to her husband (10) – +10

44. Eats whatever is served without grumbling or criticism – I get points for this only because when he cooks, it's overwhelmingly awesome. If he made bad food, I would whine whine whine. – +1

45. Her children are pleased at her arrival home (5) – +5

46. Tries to keep husband equipped with modern labor saving devices (5) – We had tivo before it was popular. And I consider our lawn service to be one of the best "labor saving devices" I have equipped Chris with – +5

47. Gives husband real movie kisses not dutiful "peck" on the cheek – This one amuses the heck out of me. – +1

48. If husband is ill, phones from work to inquire about him – +1

49. Neatly hangs up clothes on hooks or hangers – +1

50. Kisses husband when leaving for work or a trip – +1

TOTAL MERITS: 96 (I rock!)

DEMERITS

1. Stares at or flirts with other men while out with husband (5) – Going by my "wife scale" answer for this one – -2

2. Reads newspaper at the table – For the modern equivalent: we eat most of our meals in the living room with me on the computer *and* watching tv, while he plays WOW. Thank goodness this is only one point! – -1

3. Fails to come to table promptly when meal is ready – Heck no! If the food is ready, I'm there! – 0

4. Brings guests home for meals without warning husband – I would never! I hardly ever have guests here period, and there's *always* a warning, usually of several days! – 0

5. Doesn't phone when late for dinner – 0

6. Compares husband unfavorably with her father or other husbands (5) – Nope! I know I've got a good thing! – 0

7. Publicly praises "single" days and regrets having married – Nevah. Evah. – 0

8. Criticizes husband in public (5) – I do, but not horrendously so. Just little things every once in a while – -1

9. Belches without apology or blows nose at table – Totally. Well, sometimes I remember to excuse myself, but definitely not enough to meet Dr. Crane's lofty standards! – -1

10. Leaves dresser drawers open – Nope. I bang into enough shit as it is – why would I add more corners and edges to wound myself on? – 0

11. Leaves shoes in living room – Are you kidding? With ferrets? I'm pretty sure Dr. Crane would disapprove of where we do leave them (the dining room), but that wasn't the question so I'm not taking the hit – 0

12. Snores – Unfortunately I've always been a snorer. I also talk in my sleep, usually nonsense. And I steal the covers. And take over the bed. I'm an extremely rude sleeper. – -1

13. Careless in bathroom – leaves razor out or ring around tub – No ring around the tub, but I leave everything else (razor included) lying around. Hey, at least I hang up my towels! – -1

14. Fails to bathe or change socks often enough – I change my socks and clothes all the time, but I definitely don't shower enough (not for Dr. Crane, anyway!). Water conservation, y'all! – -1

15. Fails to brush teeth regularly or keep nails clean – Oh, ew. These two things I'm religious about. I also wash my hands a LOT, and floss frequently. – 0

16. Dislikes to dress or shave on Sunday – Sunday and every other day! – -1

17. Hangs ties or clothes on doorknobs – 0

18. Picks teeth, nose, or sucks teeth in public – No, though it's tempting after eating popcorn! – 0

19. Objects to husband driving auto – Hell, no! I practically demand it! I don't really like driving, especially at night. Though his car is fun to drive! I prefer to be a passenger, though. – 0

20. Uses profanity or vulgarity – Scroll up, Dr. Crane. – -1

21. Blames husband for everything that goes wrong – Can I take a point back for this? Because I'm such a guilt queen that I blame myself for everything that goes wrong, even when I shouldn't. – 0

22. Complains of being too tired to go out at night with husband – Only when it's true, but I'll take it. – -1

23. Is suspicious and jealous – Sure am. It's my nature, and he tolerates it kindly. – -1

24. Uses alcohol. If ever drunk (5) – -5

25. Tells lies, not dependable (5) – 0

26. Angry if newspaper is disarranged – Welcome to the digital age, Dr. Crane! I do get pissed when Vista rearranges all my little window buttons at the bottom of my screen while my laptop is in standby, so I think that counts unfortunately – -1

27. Stubborn – rarely admits that he is wrong. Seldom apologizes (5) – One of my positive traits is that I'm willing and able to admit when I'm in error or have messed something up. I don't comprehend people who are otherwise. How hard is it? What's the worst that can happen? Jeez! Oh, and I apologize well too. – 0

28. Talks of efficiency of her stenographer or other men – Would this translate to a secretary/personal assistant? The lawn guys? Regardless, I don't do it. – 0

29. Teases husband for fatness, slowness, etc. – Hell no! And I think a spouse who does that is a bit fucked up and wandering into the territory of emotional abuse. – 0

30. Tells embarrassing things about husband when out in public – Not that I can think of. Certainly not intentionally! – 0

31. Makes fun of husband's hats, clothes, cooking, housekeeping, etc. – No way! His clothes are great, and I wouldn't dream of doing anything that jeopardized his doing any cooking or housework! Now, I will rearrange the dishwasher into a more efficient layout if I need to, and I've been known to re-fold clothing, but that's my OCD and not mockery, and he knows it. – 0

32. Smokes in bed – 0

33. Calls "Where is... ?" without first hunting for the object – Well, of course! Why waste time searching for something if he might know where it is? This is just stupid. Whatever. -1

34. Monopolizes radio on Sunday as for the baseball broadcasts – More fun with anachronism! I do monopolize the tv, but if he has a game he wants to watch I surrender it. I figure I ought to, considering I'm using it 90% of the time! I'm not taking a point because I share when it counts, dammit. – 0

35. Dislikes children, or scolds them too harshly – 0

36. A chronic ailer or patent medicine addict – 0

37. Writes on tablecloth with pencil – WTF is this?!? I don't know why anyone would do this, and I certainly can't think of a modern equivalent! – 0

38. A chronic braggart or boaster – 0

39. Argues with or curses other motorists – I do, but only in the confines of my car and with the windows up. I am so not confrontational. You never know who has a bat or a crowbar or a firearm. – 0

40. Will not help husband's relatives as much as her own – Sadly, this is true. I am very selfish with my time. Plus, I have more relatives close by who actually need help. – -1

41. Rolls in bed covers – pulls them off husband – See "Demerits #12" – -1

42. Eats onions, radishes, or garlic before dates or going to bed – -1

43. Addicted to gambling – 0

44. Defers too much to father, a "daddy's girl" (5) – I'm a daddy's girl, sure, and a mama's girl. But not in a way that affects our marriage. – 0

45. Belittles husband's opinions, his judgement, or ability (5) – 0

46. Opens husband's mail – Of course! In addition to being nosy, dealing with the mail and filing the paperwork that comes in that route is one of my jobs around the house. Why should he have to worry his pretty lil' head about that sort of thing? And to reiterate my "wife scale" answer – why should it matter? He who has nothing to hide, hides nothing. – -1

47. Boasts about his former boyfriends or conquests (5) – Nah. I could, but that would just be tacky. – 0

48. Leaves lights burning all over the house – I'm getting better about it! It's something I'm genuinely working on. But I'm not there yet. – -1

49. Kisses husband just after his makeup has been applied – LOL! I can't really think of an equivalent action here. I've kissed him after my makeup was applied, but he doesn't seem to mind it much. – 0

50. Too much a book worm – doesn't talk to wife enough when home – I'm pretty sure I talk to him enough, but I'm a complete book worm. And tv worm. And computer worm. Or whatever you call someone who gets engrossed in any of those things. And I can be pissy about it if I'm caught up on something and he (or anyone, really) interrupts. – -1

TOTAL DEMERITS: 25

GRAND TOTAL: 71! Superior!

Conclusion: I am a much better husband than wife. Who knew?

And I'm sure there are sexist assholes out there thinking that this is just what's wrong with society these days: wimmin acting too much like the menfolk. I would like to send them a bottle of red nail polish, along with some instructions as to where they can insert it.

Am I a Good Wife?

2008-06-13T05:00:00.012-04:00

I know a lot of people have seen this – it's the "Marital Rating Scale" by George W. Crane, MD, from 1939. Most folks have passed around the first page of the "Wife's Chart" because it's the most commonly encountered example. I poked around and found the full version on flickr. I decided to take the *full* test, and am posting the text here (with my comments and results). I'm tempted to follow up with the Husband's Chart in the future!

MARITAL RATING SCALE
Wife's Chart
George W. Crane, PhD, M.D.

"In computing the score, check the various items under DEMERITS which fit the wife, and add the total. Each item counts one point unless specifically weighted as in the parentheses. Then check the items under MERITS which apply; now subtract the DEMERIT score from the MERIT score. The result is the wife's raw score. Interpret it according to this table:"

Raw Scores - Interpretation
0 - 24 = Very Poor (failures)
25 - 41 = Poor
42 - 58 = Average
59 - 75 = Superior
76 and up = Very Superior

MERITS:

1. A good hostess - even to unexpected guests – not that we ever have any: +1

2. Has meals on time – we do nothing "on time", so I make food when Chris is hungry. I think that counts! – +1

3. Can carry on an interesting conversation: +1 (as if it could be otherwise!)

4. Can play an instrument, as piano, violin, etc. – doesn't say well, so: +1

5. Dresses for breakfast – considering his (the good doctor, not my sweet baboo!) idea of "dresses", I have to be honest: 0

6. Neat housekeeper – tidy and clean – Epic fail: 0

7. Personally puts children to bed – since our children all have tails and he does a lot of the "putting to bed" when he's home, I'm going to give myself 0.5

8. Never goes to be angry, always makes up first (5) – "Never"? "Always"? I know I should adhere to the spirit of this and observe the language of absolutes he employs, but fuck it. I don't go to bed angry (who can fall asleep pissed off?), and make up first a lot, especially when I know I've contributed to the problem. I deserve some freaking points! – +2.5

9. Asks husband's opinions regarding important decisions and purchases – sure, I ask! – +1

10. Good sense of humor – jolly and gay – two words that have left our vernacular, at least in this context. Whatever. I have a fabulous sense of humor! – +1

11. Religious - sends children to church or Sunday school and goes herself. (10) – I'm one of those cliché "spiritual but not religious" people: 0

12. Lets husband sleep late on Sunday and holidays – in the context of #11, this seems particularly asinine. So I should love God and Jesus and drag the kids to our place of worship, but let my darling hubby sleep in? Would a good wife really care so little about her husband's eternal soul?!? Whatever. We both sleep in. – +1

13. Encourages thrift – economical (5) – Fail. He works so hard and has to travel so much that I would rather do without for myself than tell him not to get something he wants. As long as we're doing ok, I think that's fine. – 0

14. Laughs at husband's jokes and his clowning – absolutely! But only because he's genuinely funny! I could never be one of those wives who "humors" her husband in this area. So part of me thinks (based on the tone of this scale) that I should get a "0" here. But I figure part of my wifely awesomeness lies in choosing a guy to marry who I could laugh with honestly. So really, I should get 2 points here! I'll take the 1, though: +1

15. Ambitious for her family - urges higher attainment – um… don't know what to do with this. I'm no Lady MacBeth. And I'm not dreaming of Chris becoming a CEO. I just want us to be happy and secure, and he wants that too. So to be literal, I would get "0" here, but since he and I are on the same page in terms of "ambition", I'm taking this one – +1

16. Belongs to parent-teacher club, or child study group – again, no skin kids. And since I belong to several yahoo groups specific to our non-human children, I'm taking this one too: +1

17. A good cook - serves balanced meals (5) – when I follow a recipe, I kick ass. And when I'm trying to be good and healthy for Chris, I make balanced meals. I'm taking a partial: + 3.5

18. Tries to become acquainted with husband's business or trade – sure, I try! You try acquainting yourself with warehouse management software and get back to me: +1

19. Greets husband at night with a smile: +1

20. Has a pleasant disposition in the morning – not crabby – if I'm actually up in the a.m. (and it’s the "waking up" in the a.m. and not the late-night for me) I'm guaranteed to be crabby! – 0

21. Keeps snacks in the refrigerator for late eating – +1 (oh, wait – for him? Whatever. He can eat what I have on hand if he's really hungry.)

22. Likes educational and cultural things – I'm totally counting tv and movies and blogs: +1

23. Reacts with pleasure and delight to marital congress (10) – this is based on my own life, in which he is doing things right. Again, I'm not good at "humoring" people, and consider my choice of a compatible spouse to be part of my "Good Wife-y-ness": +10

24. Faithful and true to husband (10) – uh, totally. Otherwise, what's the point? – +10

25. Has pleasant voice – not strident – not at all. My tone of voice is a major issue because something about my mind/ears makes me unaware of how I come across. So sadly, Chris is apparently stuck with a harsh and strident wife. Sorry, babe! – 0

26. Has spunk – will defend her ideals and religion – to the death!!! Ok, maybe not death: +1

27. Praises husband in public – +1

28. Writes often and lovingly when away from husband – do text messages count? How about dirty ones? Email links? – +1

29. Writes to husband's parents regularly – again, does email count? I'm going to operate under the assumption that this question is more about harmony with the in-laws, which I definitely try to maintain: +1

30. Willing to assist husband at office or shop – Willing? Yes. Able? Not even close. So in the spirit of adhering to reality: +1

31. Sympathetic - likes children and unfortunates (5) – of course I do! – +5

32. Keeps hair neatly combed or shampooed and waved – sadly, I am dirty and lazy. My hair is always neat, just not always especially clean or styled : +0.5

33. Often comments on husband's strength and masculinity – um, no. "Often"? To whom would I be doing this? I certainly extoll his awesomeness, but not usually in terms of heavy lifting or hairiness/"bedroom performance". I'm going to give myself partial credit here because I truly believe that I let Chris know how terrific I think he is. But I don't run around commenting (to him or others) on these specific things : +0.5

34. Good seamstress – can make her own clothes or the children's clothing – not hardly: 0

35. Gives husband shampoo or manicure – I do!!! He often gets manis when we're in the car for more than 30 minutes: +1

36. Keeps husband's clothes clean and pressed – clean? Totally. Pressed? Nah. I don't believe in irons. But he does, so I keep everything clean and he irons what he wants extra-smooth: +0.5

37. Bravely carries on during financial depression – Wow. Talk about some dramatic language! I'd have to say "yes" here: +1

38. Healthy or courageous and uncomplaining – Yeah, right! Anyone who knows me (or has read anything pertinent here) is aware that this doesn't even remotely apply: 0

39. Keeps self dainty, perfumed, and feminine – hrm. "Dainty" throws me because it seems size-specific, and I've always felt I was too tall/big to qualify. I'm definitely "perfumed" but that isn't really a "plus" as far as Chris is concerned. And "feminine"? What the fuck does that mean? I have a vagina, and his penis isn't unfamiliar with it. Aside from reproductive standards, is there a better definition? – +0.5

40. Is of same religion as her husband (5) – this again treads that shifty ground. We are both spiritual and non-religious, so we are (so far – *knock on wood*) free of "religious" conflicts. And we don't have the "family" religious issues. So in my book I get full points: +5

41. Has minor children to care for (5 points per child) – Jeez! Baby wars, anyone? I know how difficult and time-consuming human children are, so I'm not presuming to equate our non-human kids with them. I'd rather scoop 20 litter boxes than deal with a human child for 24 hours straight. So I'm acknowledging our posse without being unrealistic about their needs: +1

42. On friendly terms with neighbors – Sure, why not? I say "hi" when I see them. I don't call the cops on them. What more can one ask? – +1

43. Fair and just in settling children's quarrels with others – N/A so I'll take the zero: 0

44. Likes to vacation with husband – as opposed to all those other guys I love sailing away with… Puh-leeze! I know it may sound lame, but Chris is my best friend. Who better to vacation with? – +1

45. An active member of some women's organization – WOW, this is vague. And since it is, I'm going to count my subscription to Bitch magazine: +1

46. Often tells husband she loves him (5) – possibly *too* often, but how is one to judge? I say it when it strikes me, which is several times a day. I would rather shoot myself than regret not saying it: +5

47. Polite and mannerly even when alone with husband – Um, no. He would probably think I was possessed if I suddenly started acting thusly: 0

48. Willing to get a job to help support the home – must opine here – this is only worth ONE point?!? Really? My willingness to pull my own weight/support the household is worth less than telling Chris I love him, bearing a child, being (basically) charitable, cooking "balanced" meals, or not going to bed angry? For serious? I'll take the point, but I really think this one should be worth more. A LOT more: +1

49. Praises marriage before young women contemplating it – I love it, so why shouldn't they? – +1

50. Is unselfish and kind-hearted – doesn't specify "humans" so I think I'm home clear – +1

TOTAL MERITS: 71.5

DEMERITS:

1. Slow in coming to bed – delays till husband is almost asleep – totally bogus, but I'll take the hit: -1

2. Doesn't like children (5) – I like them! Especially if they belong to someone else! – 0

3. Fails to sew on buttons or darn socks regularly – I'm willing and able but don't do so on a regular basis: -1

4. Wears soiled or ragged dresses and aprons around the house – I don't violate this literally but I do in spirit: -1

5. Wears red nail polish – WTF?!? I know there are some historic contextual incongruities in this "quiz", but how has red nail polish ever been an issue that could negate one's willingness to get a job??? And what would Dr. Crane think of my truly vampy shades? Whatever: -1

6. Often late for appointments (5) – Not even! In fact, I'm *taking* a point because Chris is so non-punctual and I have struggled against it for so long! – +1!

7. Seams in hose often crooked – n/a – 0

8. Goes to bed with curlers on her hair or much face cream – those were the days. – 0

9. Puts her cold feet on husband at night to warm them – guilty as charged. What can I say? He is deliciously warm and so readily available in the dead of winter! – -1

10. Is a back seat driver – NO! I have worked SO hard to correct this! I refuse to take a point: 0

11. Flirts with other men at parties or in restaurants (5) – I have to admit that I'm not qualified to answer this. I don't even know how to (deliberately) flirt "in real life". But apparently some of my online *joking* behavior has been interpreted as being flirty. So do I go by intent or result? I'm going to go by result, because I know my ignorant behavior has at least once upset Chris in the past: -2

12. Is suspicious and jealous (5) – totally, unrepentantly guilty of this. Back off, bitches, or I will cut you! – -5

13. Uses slang or profanity (5) – I fail to see the problem here, but whatever. FUCK you, Crane: -5 (and, again: this equates to a human child?!? Get a grip!!!)

14. Smokes, drinks, gambles, or uses dope (5) – thank goodness it isn't multiple vices! Wine is enough for me! – -5

15. Talks about former boyfriends or first husband – nope – 0

16. Squeezes toothpaste at the top – for real?!? THIS was a big marital issue back in the day? – 0

17. Reminds husband it is her money they are living on (5) – Hah! Not even! – 0

18. Tells family affairs to casual acquaintances, too talkative – *gives Chris hairy eyeball* – 0

19. A chronic borrower – doesn't keep stocked up – so NOT an issue for a hermit like me: 0

20. Slows up card game with chatter and gossip – seriously?!? They played cards/games for non-social reasons back then? Not in my demo – it's purely for fun here! – 0

21. Opens husband's personal mail – ALL the damn time. Why should it be a problem, exactly?!? He who has nothing to hide hides nothing, motherfuckers! – -1

22. Frequently exceeds her allowance or family budget (5) – all the time, but not in some dramatic/apocalyptic way: -4

23. Eats onions, radishes, or garlic before a date or going to bed – I refuse to take a point for this, because it doesn't interfere with sexy fun time: 0

24. Tells risque or vulgar stories (5) – Again, fuck you, Crane. This doesn't make me less of a wife. In fact, it makes me MORE of a wife! You really think I should keep those stories from my husband? You think he wants me to? You're a moron! I'm *taking* a point! – +1

25. Wears pajamas while cooking – 0

26. Talks during movie, play, or concert – I'll fess up. I do this. I know it's aggravating, but I can't seem to stop: -1

27. Is more than 15 pounds overweight – Woohoo!!! Not yet! – 0

28. Often whining and complaining – Um, yeah. Total whiner here: -1

29. Discourteous to sales clerks and hired help – never! If anything, I'm overly kind! – 0

30. Shoulder straps hang over arms or slip is uneven and shows – Heh. I rarely wear a bra, and almost *never* a slip, so I'm in the clear! – 0

31. Fails to was top of milk bottle before opening – Uhhhhh... I have no notion what a modern equivalent for this might be. But I refuse to take a hit! – 0

32. Corrects husband's speech or actions before others (5) – I don't think I do this, but I know I'm not perfect so I'm docking myself: -2

33. Saves punishment of children for father at night (5) – 0

34. Serves dinner but fails to sit down till meal is half over – then wants husband to wait for her – Gee, hold a grudge much dude? – 0

35. Wears pajamas instead of nightgown – I'm giving myself a point here because I eschew both and go naked. What husband prefers clothing to nudity? – +1

36. Fails to bathe or brush teeth often enough (5) – I'll dock myself here because although I'm super-keen on oral hygiene, I'm dirty with the body stuff: -2.5

37. Puts stocking to soak in wash basin – n/a – 0

38. Serves too much from tin cans or the delicatessen store – *I* don't think so… – 0

39. Visits mother too often – a spoiled child – judge-y much, Crane? – 0

40. Is snobbish or too much concerned in "keeping up with the Jonses." – Puh-leeze! They only *wish* they could keep up with us!!! LOL! – 0

41. Dislikes husband's hobbies as fishing, baseball, etc. – Meh. I don't "dislike" WoW, I just can't get into it… – 0

42. Tells lies - is not dependable (5) – never say it: 0

43. Doesn't want to get up to prepare breakfast – well, of course not! Why would I, when Chris prepares it so much better? – 0

44. Insists on driving the car when husband is along – how about the opposite? I avoid driving when Chris is available to do so! Especially when #14 (drinking) is a factor. Should I deprive him of the opportunity to be the designated driver? – 0

45. Smokes in bed or has cigarette stained fingers – No, nay, never! – 0

46. Cries, sulks, or pouts too much – this I totally do. Can't avoid it: 0

47. Makes engagements without consulting husband – not anymore! I was guilty of this for several years whn we first go together, but have since been cured! – 0

48. Talks too long on the phone – I only talk excessively with Katie, and that's almost exclusively limited to when Chris is away. I'm really not a phone person: 0

49. Is a gossip – sooo relative. And I don't think I qualify: 0

50. Walks around the house in stocking feet – why on earth is this a negative?!? And, again, why is it equivalent to my willingness to get a damn job?!? Whatever. I do it. ALL the TIME. Suck it, Crane! – -1

TOTAL DEMERITS: -31.5

GRAND TOTAL: 40

Judgement: I am a poor wife. But we already knew that.

Ideas

2008-05-30T22:01:00.002-04:00

Good idea: crockpots with removable inserts. You can stop heating the food immediately, and also clean the cooking surface (in the dishwasher!) without worrying about that pesky electrical cord.

Bad idea: cooking something and removing the aforementioned insert, and forgetting to turn the crockpot off. FOR TWO DAYS. With the air conditioning running.

Our house did not burn down. But not for lack of opportunity.

Sweet stuff

2008-05-17T07:12:00.003-04:00

I love honey. I grew up on locally produced clover honey that we got every few months in big mason jars from the beekeeper. It was some of the best stuff on earth, and I wish the guy was still around and producing (I remember him as being elderly, so he has most likely passed away).

Chris and I have been doing our best these past few years to buy organic. Basically, if something is available organic that's how we buy it. Yes, it costs more, but it always tastes sooooo much better, and since it's just the two of us we can afford to pay for it. We get all our meat online now from organic sellers, and there are a few other online stores we get things from, as well as a few things from local grocery stores. Amazon.com is a *great* source for organic non-perishables, especially in bulk!

I've been looking for organic clover honey for months now. Most places sell other types organically - usually tupelo (which I can't stand) or something similar. I've been getting highly frustrated because I want *clover* honey! Enter our lovely neighborhood Food Lion. They have their own "store brand" organic line, Nature's Place. Last time I was shopping, I saw that they had Nature's Place organic honey. It didn't specify what kind, but it was pretty darn cheap for organic, so I decided to give it a try. Success! Delicious clover (or clover-tasting) honey, organic, and at a great price! I'm thrilled!

Incidentally, our Food Lion also now carries Vegenaise! I've been wanting to try this for ages, but no one within 100 miles had it, and it costs a small fortune to ship it since it has to be refrigerated. I immediately bought a bottle, but haven't had occasion to use it yet (I just got it a couple days ago). But I wanted to strike while the iron was hot, and also to encourage Food Lion to keep going with their current trend in inventory.

So, in a classic Tornoe summary: I love Food Lion.

Late afternoon

2008-05-14T03:00:00.000-04:00

We have two ferrets. Just saying/writing this feels bizarre to me, after having four - six for so long. But one of the sad realities of taking in a large number of critters (with a relatively short lifespan) in a small timeframe is that you will most likely lose most or all of them in a similar window.

Knowing this, intellectually, and living through it are two very painfully different things. And the reality is that Podo is, at the most optimistic estimate, 4 years old; and Harriet is 5 - 6. They are frisky and perky, and in as good health as can be guaranteed by current veterinary medicine. But the fact remains that they are entering the ages in which we could lose them at any time.

Chris and I decided a while back that after this bunch, we are going to take a break from ferrets for a while. The fact is that giving them the best care (in good conscience, I could never do otherwise) means spending an arm and a leg at the drop of a hat. And while we *can* do that, we also have a responsibility to the other animals in our care, as well as a fierce desire to get out of this house sometime in the next 5 - 10 years. Our furbabies are worth the thousands we spend on them, but we would like to be in a better position sometime soon to change our lives and possibly do better by our current bunch as well as a potential theoretical new bunch. And that means limiting our spending so we can pay off what we owe on the house etc. while maintaining some stability in this crazy economy.

After we lost Kaneda, I realized how precious the time left with the girls is. I was also worried about what would happen if/when we lose one, as ferrets are prone to mourning those they are bonded with and basically refusing to live without them. I looked around online and found no message boards that I liked, so I started looking at groups. I'm a yahoo group addict, and tend to join, lurk, and leave them without getting too attached or involved. But instead I found a group that captured my heart. Sure, not everyone is informed (we all gotta learn!) or as willing/able to spend like I am on critters. But the heart of this group is so strong and true and sincere. I actually volunteered to help moderate, and as a result have been having fun learning basic html and indulging my penchant for heavy editing.

Recently, the members of the group have suffered a staggering number of losses. In a heavily populated group of serious ferret lovers, it isn't unexpected - combine people who love the critters with the addictive quality of said critters (Chris and I are rank amateurs compared to these folks - a number of them have well over 20 fuzzies!) and the short lifespan of the species, and you are bound to encounter frequent heartbreak. But this past spring has seemed to everyone to be especially difficult.

The result for me is a profound gratitude for the time I have left with the ferrets we have left. This is not to minimize the time passed with the ferrets who went before. For people who don't truly know and understand ferrets, there is no explaining. For my life up to 1999 I was a hardcore cat person. And I will remain so until the day I die. But it's like every ferret life is doubly concentrated because of how short it is. They have as much soul and personality as - if not more than - any cat or dog, but it's confined to a life that is half as long. And of course, vastly different. I have known many animals in my life, but nothing approaches the spirit of a ferret. I'm not saying they are better than other animals (though I'm sure many feel that they are), just that they are unique.

I digress. There is no way to adequately express what each ferret soul has meant to me. But now that I am in a place of not taking in any more fuzzies, I think I am more able to truly cherish the experiences I have left right now. Because I know that for the next few years or so, they are all I will have. I still don't know how we are going to deal with the potential mourning issue. But I know that I will squeeze every precious drop of joy and happiness from the time I have left with my girls.

If you have a furry/feathery/scaly baby in your life who allows kisses and/or hugs, go do it now. We never know how many of them we have left.

A Cure For What Ails You

2008-04-19T21:12:00.003-04:00

After a recent post on Jezebel about the humorous implications in the name of the acid reflux drug Aciphex (say it out loud: Aciphex = "ass effects"), I got to thinking about the names companies give drugs. I never noticed the funny connotation in this name, in all the years I worked in a pharmacy. Probably because I knew they were probably going for a subliminal message of "acid fix". Which tends to be the way marketing operates for prescription drugs.

As far as I know, there aren't any laws governing how companies name their medications, aside from avoiding violation of the copyrights of others. Why not go back to the old-timey method of naming them? We could have things like "Eli Lilly's Little Water Pills", "Roche's Super Pain Pills", "Pfizer's Purple Sugar Pills". Heck, start using old-school looking fonts and labels! Retro is in!

The fact is, a good number of the people taking medications label their meds this way. They come into the pharmacy and ask the person at the counter for a refill of their "water/sugar/pain/anxiety/etc." pill. "You know, the green one!" They don't know the name, they know what it does and usually what it looks like. Most current branding efforts are in vain. Why not cash in on the natural tendency?

Drug companies could build brand loyalty and keep consumer confusion to a minimum. The patient can rest easy, knowing what each medication does and who makes it. And wouldn't the companies rather the customer know and trust the name of the manufacturer than that of one product in a wide array? Patients would know exactly which pill they were taking and why. And if someone (the doctor, the pharmacist, the insurance company) dared to blaspheme and substitute a generic, the patient could demand that no, he wants his BMS's White Sugar Pill! What's this beige one? "Metformin"? What'n the heck is that? The name doesn't even tell you what it is! Who makes it? How can he trust them when they won't even put their name on the product?

Pharmaceutical manufacturers: I take paypal.

Geeky time-out

2008-04-16T19:38:00.002-04:00

Ok, I know this has been addressed elsewhere. But seriously - NO ONE notices Baltar's psychotic behavior? No one?!?

I'm in the middle of a BSG marathon, thanks to SciFi showing the whole series back-to-back a couple weeks ago *plus* my darling husband's installation of an external hard drive for our DVR, giving us hundreds of hours of recording time. So I'm watching it all again, from the beginning, and being reminded of just how fucking (don't get me started on their lame-ass cop-out "f-word") awesome it is.

But re-watching it just makes me more sensitive to how batshit crazy Baltar acted in the first season, often with other people in the room. I know most of them were experiencing some level of PTSD, and they had a LOT of other shit on their minds. But no one registered that the guy they were relying on to tell them who any and all Cylons were was out of his damn mind??? Come on, now.

YES!!!

2008-03-27T22:32:00.003-04:00

Color me lame, but I am SO excited!!!

My "judge shows" - Judge Judy, The People's Court, Judge Alex, etc. - now have a Daytime Emmy category of their own! I'll admit that Judge Alex is one of my MySpace friends, but my heart belongs to Judge Judy.

This is long past due. I know "the cases are real", but there is also an art to selecting cases and then directing/editing how they are mediated/adjudicated. I miss the hell out of Texas Justice, but I always admitted (complained) that they never reigned in the litigants sufficiently, which resulted in cases that were difficult/irritating to follow. And Judge Mathis may be a fair mediator, but the editing of his show makes it look (maybe realistically, maybe not - how is a viewer to know?) like he makes up his mind early on, and not always from a legal standpoint. I assume that the decisions are always legally sound. And with this assumption being a given, I therefore expect the shows to frame the entertainment in such a way as to make the ruling clear and understandable, while still showing the fun parts. And some shows do a far better job than others.

If the people of America want to air their petty complaints on tv, shouldn't they be judged for/on it? I say yes!

Night Owl

2008-03-13T03:38:00.002-04:00

I am nocturnal. While the rest of the world is off at work, I'm snug in my bed. While the world sleeps. I'm up and about, doing my thing. I take a lot of crap for this, mostly good-natured, but it's what my body and brain want and I'm lucky enough to have the freedom to go with it. Even when I get on a day schedule, it doesn't last - I start falling asleep later and later, until I'm back on the night shift. It can be inconvenient for trying to get together with my diurnal friends and family, but I make it work.

I think 4 a.m. is my favorite time of day. It's almost magical. I can go outside, and the world feels fresh and new (even in the dank humidity of August). There is evidence of mankind all around, but it's like all of humanity has vanished and I'm the only person in the world. And yes, to me that is a good thing. Y'all know by now that I'm a hermit, don't you? And I know that there's this whole other side of the world who are awake while I am (the ones my then 3-year-old niece said are "stealing our sun" when I tried to explain the revolution of the planet and day vs. night). But they' aren't evident to my early-morning senses.

4 a.m. is lovely because I know the sun is coming soon, but it's pitch dark and still. And I'm not in that place of, "Oh my God, I'm up at 4 in the morning! I have a long/crappy/etc. day ahead of me!" Instead, I have the lovely feeling of my day winding down while everything is soft and peaceful.

At 5:30, I hear the train that goes through town. Every time, it makes me think of "City of New Orleans". But in a good way, because the song was kinda wrong. I'm usually in bed, reading, when the sun comes up. I read for a few hours before bed every day. I can glance over at the window every once in a while and see it gradually getting brighter outside.

Just like an afternoon nap, sleeping during the day feels luxurious and somehow sinful. And I get to experience this "unnatural" decadence every day. I get the same 8 or so hours as most people, I just choose to take them at off-peak hours.

That's all I have to say about that, I think. I sleep in the day. Deal with it.

Common Sense - Part 4 of ?

2008-03-01T06:39:00.013-05:00

*Note/disclaimer: I may refer to people who have been abused, who suffer from eating disorders, and other related issues/circumstances in the third person throughout these posts, but that's mainly a device. I'm mostly talking about myself, other people I know, and the results of research I've done in the furtherance of my own understanding of what the hell is wrong with me. I am by no means attempting to make blanket statements that apply to all (or even a majority) of people who are or have been in any situation I have been. Also, sexist though it may be, I'll be using "she", "her", "the girl(s)" and other feminine pronouns/references for my writing, though anyone with any sort of understanding of EDs and abuse knows that males are also victims and sufferers. I'm simplifying things for my writing, that's all.

*** Warning – potential trigger(s) for abuse survivors and/or ED sufferers ***

File this post under "massively overdue". More than a year. Yes, I'm that much of a procrastinator. I meant to write about it back then, but then a bunch of bad shit happened, followed by more bad shit, and I didn't want to write about anything, let alone this subject. But since I'm back on it, I guess it's time.

I'm not big on interacting with people in the "real world" for the reasons detailed in my previous "Common Sense" posts, but I love talking online because I am exposed to so many different backgrounds and perspectives that I learn new things all the time, often from unexpected people/places. And this breakthrough/whatever is exactly why I feel this way. In this case, I was talking about my bulimia in a yahoo group that isn't eating disorder or abuse related, and it was mostly as an intellectual discussion about what does and does not constitute mental "health". One of the members there, out of the blue made a comparison I had never considered that makes an amazing amount of sense: purging is like smoking a cigarette.

It was like a freaking lightning bolt went off in my head! That's pretty much *exactly* it! And I should have seen it before - lord knows I've analyzed this thing from every angle I can think of, alone and with books and websites and other people. Pretty much any source available, I've used. It took a stranger with no real investment in the issue to see it from somewhere new and also true.

Once I started thinking about it, all kinds of parallels started jumping out at me. I started (as most girls do) b/p-ing around the same time that most people take up smoking. Some people can quit easily, others can't kick it no matter what. Some people can limit themselves (b/p-ing once a day : someone only having one or two cigarettes) while others get totally consumed (b/p-ing 10 - 20+ times a day : smoking 1 - 2+ packs per day). People who have quit still feel those urges, and often "fall off the wagon". And, like smoking, there is a definite physical/chemical dependence on the bulimia. From what I've heard/read, the feelings people get when they smoke (relief, release, calm, etc.) are very similar to what a purge does for me. God knows both things are addictive and compulsive. And they're both pretty darn bad for you! I could go on and on comparing these things. I feel like such an idiot for not seeing it before!

So now I kind of understand how it is people take up smoking as a habit/addiction, even though the first few cigarettes are awful. I've tried cigarettes twice in my life, both times when I was drunk and in a horrible mood (which in and of itself says something), and couldn't get past the pain in my lungs. But I have asthma and especially sensitive airways, and I'm pretty sure that I'm overly sensitive to smoke if not downright allergic. If I wasn't, though, I can now see how I might have become a smoker. Lord knows vomiting up your food isn't pleasant. But I kept doing it, didn't I? And people keep smoking.

I know this is a lot of gabbing, but this is/was such a lightbulb moment for me. I feel like I can finally discuss my ED in terms that a larger number of people might be able to wrap their minds around. And it makes it a lot simpler for me to think about, and I actually feel a lot less guilty about it this way. Less like a freak.

Not that I am trying to minimize or act like either behavior is acceptable. Neither is good, and neither should be undertaken by a rational, healthy individual. Period. And I know I'm going to sound like a hypocrite now, but I think smoking is a truly nasty habit. Not that bulimia is any better (it can certainly kill you quicker if you're not careful and is probably more destructive overall to the person doing it), but at least it isn't polluting the environment or endangering the health of those in close proximity. Or irritating me. Heh. So comparing something I have come to live with and accept to something I find truly abhorrent feels strange to me, but I understand (intellectually, at least) that most people feel the same way about the behaviors *I* engage in, while understanding smoking at least somewhat. And there are a number of people I know and love who are smokers - some casual, some serious - so this isn't a rejection or embrace of any one group of people. I'm hoping that this post - and idea - can bring people together in a greater understanding of these things that we do to ourselves.

Now if only they made some sort of *patch* to help me quit...

Questions? Comments?

Common Sense - Part 3 of ?

2008-02-28T04:50:00.005-05:00

I know it's been ages since I posted on this topic. For the record, it started here, almost 2 years ago (!!!):

http://mylifemywordsmymind.blogspot.com/2006/03/dr-phil.html

Continued here:

http://mylifemywordsmymind.blogspot.com/2006/03/common-sense-part-1-of.html

then here:

http://mylifemywordsmymind.blogspot.com/2006/03/common-sense-part-2-of.html

All disclaimers for those posts count here too. I'm not sure where this will go yet, but it could be a trigger and my typing laziness will probably result in a gender bias. You've been warned.

The topic was re-awakened by my old buddy Dr. Phil in the show this week about the anorexic/bulimic girl, Aimee. The show freaked me out and saddened me because she was in such a bad state, and because so many of her thought processes mirrored my own. Especially those where she was facing the image of her younger self (with the doc) and criticizing that incarnation for "allowing" the bad things to happen and not protecting her. Scary. It's not rational or healthy, but I have done that same thing far too many times in the past.

But what struck me this time was her purging. Or, to be more accurate, her "count". She said she purges about 150 times per day, and I hate to say this but I think she is counting wrong. Not that I at ALL want to minimize this disease, but... well... here's my take: I think - and sorry to be this graphic/explicit but I have to - that she is counting every "heave" as a separate purge. I count an "episode" as a purge. Like I don't count one bite of food as a "meal". To me, a single purge is getting up everything (or as much as I can/want) that just went down. It might take up to 20 "heaves", depending on what I ate and how much and over what period of time, for one "purge" in my estimation. This is how I have always counted my purges, and I can't find anything online that says I should do otherwise.

I'm curious/interested because I saw the girl's cooking-and-eating behavior. I honestly think she doesn't have enough time in a day for 150 purges. Not the way I count them. Like Dr. Phil said - that's a purge every 10 minutes, not including time for sleep. Which is why I think she's counting wrong.

Or am I the one who's counting incorrectly? I looked around online, and although there were lots of examples for what constitutes a "binge", I couldn't find anything that gives a clear definition for a "purge". I certainly understand why people don't want to touch the subject. And while I know that I more than meet the most loose interpretation of the DSM criteria for bulimia, and feel that anyone purging in any sense "for weight loss" is headed down that slippery slope, it bothers me that there isn't a clear-cut definition/standard for what a purge actually is.

We have numbers for cholesterol, blood pressure, insulin, etc. Would it be so wrong to specify whether a purge is a "heave" or a "meal"?

Don't trust me!

2008-02-15T18:49:00.002-05:00

Yesterday was my birthday, so as of today I am officially "over 30". I guess I'm a ticking time bomb, and could go Establishment at any moment! You have been warned.

Our neighbors are trying to kill us

2008-02-05T00:59:00.000-05:00

Seriously. It is 77° in our house, and the heat hasn't kicked in since 2 pm! How can this be? We live in a townhouse that's an internal unit, and our neighbors on one side (or both sides) apparently feel the need to blast their heat. Great for our heating bill, not so much so for our physical comfort.

If it's the people in the end unit, I feel a little bad for them. Their heating bill must be astronomical! But they're the ones that have screaming fights weekly, if not more often, so my sympathy is limited. For real - I've been tempted to call the cops on them more than once and report a domestic disturbance. How can people live like that?

If it's the neighbors on the other side, I just don't get it. Are they warm weather natives who ended up in Delaware by accident? Are they crazy? Or are they leaking heat into our house via the holes they put IN THE FIREWALL to hang pictures? That's right! We have big front windows, and it's easy to see into theirs. Those fuckers hung giant framed pictures on the walls we were plainly told not to hang things from when we got this place! I know they're the third or fourth family to live there (whereas we/Chris bought this place when it was being built), but shouldn't that kind if thing be disclosed when selling? I know other people in the neighborhood do it too - again, big windows and I'm not a *total* hermit - but that doesn't make it right. I may not be the best neighbor in the world, but I haven't done anything that makes them more likely to lose their homes should mine catch fire!

I'm just saying. It's damn hot in my house, and it's not my fault.

Few things make me happier...

2008-01-30T22:18:00.000-05:00

than seeing this at the beginning of Law & Order (or one of their franchise shows):

"The following story is fictional and does not depict any actual person or event."

What this means, in lay speak, is that this is *totally* based on actual people and events, but they didn't have the rights to any of it so they cobbled a bunch of shit together from the news to make one crazy-ass whacked out story. As only they can do. And the episodes with this disclaimer at the beginning are usually the most entertaining.

Hooray for insanely unrealistic legal dramas! One of my favorite forms of escapism :~D

Another hole

2008-01-17T22:55:00.000-05:00

I'm not sure how much more of this my heart can take.

We lost Kaneda early last week. He had adrenal disease, which we were treating with Lupron injections because we didn't want to put him through surgery at his age. He declined very rapidly over the weekend before, and had increased neurological symptoms (difficulty walking, mostly). I made an appointment with the vet for as early as I could the following week, but he just wouldn't wait. The day he passed - one day before his vet appointment - I went in to feed him and found him in the middle of a seizure. I gave him a sugar/honey/water mixture in case it was low blood sugar, and Chris rushed him to the vet for an emergency appointment. They said his outlook was such that we should let him go, so we did. From what they could determine, either the adrenal went haywire, there was underlying (or concomitant) cancer that spread, or something of both.

Less than a month ago, he was fine. Active (frisky, really), a good weight, alert, eating well, you name it. And in a way that's good, because he didn't suffer and had only a few days of discomfort before he left us. And it was a painful decision, but not really a difficult one - there wasn't really any other option for him. But it was so terribly sudden. I was sure we'd be able to get him some help and keep him with us at least a few more months.

I'm still having a hard time processing it. I can't believe that we only have 2 ferrets. I can't believe I don't have any more little dudes. I can't believe how godawful *calm* it is around here.

I miss you, little buddy.

A Little Trick

2008-01-04T22:33:00.001-05:00

Wow! I never knew so many people were as obsessed with their knees and elbows as I am! Something I should have mentioned in my Best of Beauty post that slipped my mind is just for moisturizing these difficult areas. My dear friend, the always-delightful Sand, shared it with me (I think she said she got it from Tyra) after I confessed my elbow-preoccupation on the frag board.

You know how they have special gloves and socks for moisturizing your hands and feet? Make some for your joints! Take a pair of socks - I use the über-plushy kind you can get at Target and other such spots, which are often called "spa" socks - and cut off the toes. Voilà! Elbow/knee gloves! The little bend the manufacturers put in for your heel is perfect for housing your knees/elbows. Obviously, you need socks that go beyond those super-low anklets they make. I slather the moisturizer of choice on the desired location, roll on the socks, and go to bed (or just let them marinate, depending on when I do this). Works like a charm!

I currently have some lovely soft blue-and-white socks on my elbows. I hope the sweetie who gave them to me doesn't mind my re-purposing! They make such cute little elbow warmers, and I know the results will be wonderful!

This will probably be the only DIY tip y'all ever get from me. Enjoy!

Apology

2008-01-02T19:41:00.000-05:00

I'm not sure why, but for the past few days the blogosphere has been eating comments. Several comments I made on other peoples' blogs disappeared, and several comments that came through to my email from my "Favorite Things 2007" post have also vanished (and they weren't "removed by author").

So. If you left a comment on my blog and it's now nowhere to be found, I'm sorry! It wasn't removed by me - I haven't deleted a single comment from here in over a year (when I switched to word recognition to avoid spamments). If the spirit moves you, please comment again! I know one person asked a question, about the zit-zappers I think, and it's not there anymore. And since I have a terrible memory, I don't remember what the question was or who wrote it. But I'd be happy to answer it, if you want to try again!

Favorite Things 2007

2007-12-31T02:52:00.000-05:00

It's that time of year again! I – and a group of fellow bloggers – have composed my list of favorite beauty finds of 2007. I hope you enjoy my list, and that you check out those of the other gals (whose blogs are listed, with links, at the end of this post)!

I'm always looking for new and fabulous beauty items, and in 2007 I actually found some! A lot, really! An advance word: a large number of my product links will take you to drugstore.com. Not because I'm affiliated or they're paying me or anything (don't I wish!), but because I am a lazy hermit. This is where I've bought the stuff I'm linking – because why go out when I can buy from my couch and have it shipped free? – and I really don't feel like looking up every manufacturer website. If you bargain hunters want to find better/cheaper places to buy these things, please do! And send me a message where you found them :~D

I feel I should explain my own "beauty perspective" so folks reading this can see where I'm coming from and take from my post that which is relevant to them. I am a cool-toned olive-skinned gal, age (for now!) 29. I have hyper-combination skin – super oily in some spots, super dry in others – that is prone to breakouts of both acne and mild eczema. I also have seborrheic dermatitis that mostly keeps to my scalp and behind my ears. Yucky, I know, but very influential in my skincare choices! I tend to stick to things that are fragrance-free and colorant-free whenever possible, and I avoid potential irritants at all costs. This narrows my "potential finds" field considerably, but probably helps me save money! Also, my genetics make me (so far, anyway! *knocks wood*) wrinkle-resistant; so although I do some prevention, aging is not as yet something I focus too much on. So that's that. On to the list!

Eye Cream
Paula's Choice Hydrating Treatment Cream – I have been on a quest for *years* to find the right eye cream! They were all either too heavy/greasy, not moisturizing enough, or inexplicably irritating (stinging and/or setting off eczema outbreaks). This one is fabulously moisturizing, yet it absorbs instantly and doesn't leave behind even the barest suggestion of grease! And ever since I began using it a few months ago, I haven't had a single eczema episode around my eyes. This is officially a Holy Grail!

Face Wash
Eucerin Redness Relief Soothing Cleanser – I love this stuff! I went back and forth between Cetaphil's Gentle Skin Cleanser and Paula's Choice Skin Balancing Cleanser for *years*. Those are both very good, but this is better. I was already used to non-foaming cleansers, so that wasn't an issue for me. The Licochalcone (a licorice extract) feels cooling and soothing, while – unlike most "cooling" ingredients – actually acting as an anti-inflammatory. My skin feels clean and soft, never dried/stripped/squeaky. Yay!

Nail Treatment
Barielle Nail Strengthener Cream – ok, this one does leave my fingertips feeling greasy for a little while after application. But it's totally worth it! When I remember to use this regularly, my nails are infinitely more flexible and resistant to breaking. My nails have always been "hard" and "strong", but they are brittle – if I bang them into things, they either weather the blow or snap right off. Usually it's the latter. Not anymore! And with Dolly (bless her little birdy heart!) preventing me from using my other strengthening method - multiple layers of polish - as often as I used to, this is more useful than ever! It also has the nice effect of keeping my cuticles moisturized :~D

Lip Treatment
Blistex Gentle Sense Lip Moisturizer (aka chapstick/lip balm) – this is perfect! Fragrance-free (*and* odorless!), no flavor, no "medications" that actually irritate the lips. Just a nice, smooth, non-greasy balm that leaves my lips feeling wonderful! I keep 2 backups on hand at all times.

Specialty Skin Treatment
Aveeno Maximum Strength Anti-Itch Cream, 1% Hydrocortisone – remember that dermatitis and eczema I mentioned? This stuff kicks their asses! I don't know if the oatmeal in it contributes significantly, but I know that this stuff is fast! Faster than any other hydrocortisone cream I've tried. Before I switched to the eye cream I mentioned above, I had to use this a few times on my upper eyelids and eyebrow area, and it performed beautifully – the itching went away immediately, and the redness was gone within a day or two. *And* it absorbs quickly, without leaving that dreaded (by me) greasy feeling.

Elbow Treatment(s)
There are several winners in this category, all of which I love and use regularly. I have to admit to a slight preoccupation with my elbow skin, thanks to my father – he has said for as long as I can remember that you can tell a woman's true age by her elbows. And for as long as I can remember, I've had horribly dry, rough elbows. Nothing helped. Now, thanks mostly to the AHA Soufflé (the first winner in this mini-list) they are soft and smooth! I use these on my knees and ankles too, sometimes.

Alpha Hydrox AHA Soufflé 12 % Glycolic AHA – fragrance-free, absorbs quickly and without greasiness, exfoliates and softens like a champ! I can't say how it would perform on one's face, but on my elbows it works like a dream. My elbows are smooth and soft, thanks to this stuff!

Palmer's Cocoa Butter Formula Concentrated Cream with Vitamin E – I usually put this on at night before I go to bed. It is *very* thick and heavy but somehow not super greasy. It smells fantastic (like cocoa) and softens pretty well. Mostly, I use it to give my skin a break from the AHAs, smell yummy, and feel nice for the hour or so before I fall asleep.

Bathed & Infused Body Fluff – ok, this one goes on greasy for me. Lots of their customers say it melts right into their skin and is totally grease-free. Not me. BUT it is the most moisturizing thing I found this year. When I put it on at night, my skin is super-soft the next morning. And when my elbows are starting to feel dry and irritated and potentially eczema-y and I think it might be from overusing the AHA Soufflé, this stuff soothes them instantly. I use it on my lower legs sometimes too, when they're feeling itchy and uncomfortable post-epilation. I use this stuff unscented, but B&I has a *monster* range of fragrances that this can be scented with! I bought it scented with their Turkish Delight (which I adore – like SL Rahat Loukoum but better on me), but it’s too strongly fragranced for me to use it as a moisturizer. YMMV in that regard, of course!

Supplement
Nature's Bounty Biotin 5000 mcg Super Potency Capsules – I know, I know: "A supplement? Does this really count?" In a word, yes, when that supplement is biotin! I'm not a huge vitamin/supplement gal, and I've never found any specific correlation between a particular supplement and a desired response, but I'm a convert in this case! I'm not positive (I found this stuff towards the beginning of the year) but I'm pretty sure I founds recs for this on the oh-so-fabulous nail board at MUA. Biotin purportedly makes your nails and hair grow faster and better, and boy does it ever! I wanted my nails to be better, and I also wanted help growing out my hair, so I checked it out. Mine always grew pretty quickly, but now it's ridiculous!

A word of caution – this stuff works on all your hair. My eyebrows need plucking more than ever, my legs need to be deforested (I epilate and occasionally shave), etc. So that might be a deterrent for some. That being said, the unexpected and exciting benefit was to my eyelashes! You know how sharks have rows of teeth? This stuff has given me an extra row or two of lashes! Not only that, but although the length is the same (they were always long), they are thicker and fuller and just all-around making me very happy! Biotin is now a regular part of my health and beauty regimen!

Fragrance
Les Néréides – Impérial Opoponax – this stuff has been available for a while, but I didn't get around to trying it until this year. I didn't know what I was missing! It's a warm and soft incense scent, not too sweet, not too strong. On me, none of the notes are especially prominent – it's very well-blended. I can (and do) wear this in any weather, any mood. And for extra fun, I layer it with their Patchouli Antique, which I also discovered this year! MUA-er potionsandlotions recommended the combo, and it is divine!

Returning Champions

These are "older" HGs that managed to hang onto their titles, despite the many fights I put them through over the course of the year. What can I say? I love what I love, but I'm still always looking for the next best thing!

Hand Cream
Vaseline Intensive Care Healthy Hand & Nail Revitalizing Hand Lotion – this category is always up for grabs. I've tried many, both before and after finding this one, and none can compare. I need a good bit of moisture, but most hand creams are too greasy for me. This one moisturizes pretty well, absorbs instantly, and isn't the least bit greasy. I'm always looking for something a bit more emollient than this one that performs and feels the same, or at least similar, but nothing comes close as of yet. That being said, I've decided to add an honorable mention for this category:

Bathed & Infused Honey Dream Hand Cream – this one applies as "too greasy" on me, but in 30 minutes the greasiness is gone, and I'll be the first to admit that its moisturizing benefits exceed those of my "winner". I just personally have a hard time getting past the initial application. All that aside, I have to mention that the "original" scent for this – Spun Honey – is to die for! It reminds me a lot of PG Un Crime Exotique – it's sweet and softly spicy, in a very "holiday" (to my nose and sentiments) way. And for those fragrance-free folks (of whom I am usually one), the unscented version is quite nice too! No overwhelming smells from the ingredients, same "feel", and all that.

Zit Zappers
I go back and forth between these two fantastic products. They are both well-formulated benzoyl peroxide lotions/creams that absorb nicely, have no fragrance, and keep my skin clearer than anything else!

Moisturizer
Paula's Choice Skin Balancing Moisture Gel – I have never found a moisturizer to compare with this. Never. I don't wear "skin makeup" (foundation or powder) so this is my finishing touch and I love it! It moisturizes amazingly, absorbs completely (without grease), and leaves a soft, almost powdery finish thanks to the silicone.

Lipstick/gloss
LORAC Gloss Stick in Sheer Berry – this is my HG lippie! Many have tried to unseat it, but none succeeded. It applies (and feels) like a lip balm, has a fantastic creamsicle scent, and is the perfect cool-toned sheer red/brown. My lower lip isn't well-defined, thanks to a tricycle accident at age 2 (I landed face-first on some concrete stairs and bit right through my lip) so creams and mattes are tricky to apply. Sheers are more forgiving, and this is a fantastic sheer. And did I mention the color? My prior HG was very similar in color - it was Deluxe Beauty's Tintstik in Dot, before they added SPF and totally ruined the formula. There are other lippies that give this one a run for its money – Neutrogena has several shades of their MoistureShine Tinted Lip Balm that I like (Nude and Pure come to mind), Clinique has the ever-popular Almost Lipstick in Black Honey, and Benefit's Silky Finish Lipstick comes in at least 3 shades (Ruby Vibes, Fruit Cocktail, and Raisin' Cane) that are to-die-for! I could expound for paragraphs – I'm a bit of a lippie fiend – but the end result would be the same: nothing is as all-around perfect as my Gloss Stick!

So that's my 2007 list! Be sure to check out the lists my fellow bloggers (links follow) have put together! It's a great bunch of people who have all kinds of fabulous things to share! I've found many a wonderful thing through past lists, and I'm sure they have a bunch of new things for you – and me – to check out!

15 Minute Beauty Fanatic

Beauty Blogging Junkie

Beauty Talk

Beautiful Makeup Search

For The Love of Beauty

Give Me Your Eyes I Need Sunshine

Getting Amped

Grayburn

HauteMommaStuff

Koneko's Beauty Diary

Makeup Bag

The Makeup Girl

Miss Whoever You Are

My Life,My Words,My Mind

The Life Of A Ladybug

A Considered Opinion

2007-12-29T06:14:00.000-05:00

Parents of overweight children who bitch and moan in consternation about the size of said progeny while refusing to get rid of the junk food in their homes ought to be shot.

"Regular" soda, items sold in the snacks/candy aisle, and fast food have nothing to do with pediatric health. And if you don't give enough of a shit to adjust your dietary habits to help your offspring, then perhaps you shouldn't have reproduced.

Vegetables are just as easy to pop into the microwave as chicken nuggets, assholes!

The end.

Hello, Dolly!

2007-12-05T01:51:00.000-05:00

A belated introduction...

This is the most recent addition to our family:

Isn't she adorable?!? Her name (which I finally chose within the last 2 weeks) is Dolly, though mostly we just call her Little Bird, which was her "interim" name that I chose when we weren't sure if she would be staying with us.

As tends to be the case in my life, she is a rescue. My mother found her by the side of the road back in September, and since she and dad couldn't take her (quarantine issues with their own birds) I offered to. I needed/wanted something to distract and console me after losing Doe, and - as usual - the universe delivered! Mom ran a "found" ad in the paper, and a few people responded, but none turned out to be her owners. And as she settled in and I got to know her, I became (and remain) convinced that she was never hand-tamed and was probably never anyone's "pet". She's fine with people in terms of proximity (I can stand right next to her and put my face right up to her and she's totally cool with it), but she does *not* like hands. Even now if she flies around and lands somewhere she shouldn't, she'd rather step up on my arm than my hand. She was also almost completely bald (we figure due to the stress of outdoor living, or possibly other birds picking on her either out there or in her original home), and we have no clue how old she is or how long she was in the wild.

Because of all that, I'm taking things especially slowly with Dolly. As I said, she's fine with people being near her - she just doesn't trust hands. She definitely likes having us around and listening to us talk. And she chirps her head off on the weekends if Chris gets her up and I don't make an appearance quickly! I get up earlier on the weekends now than weekdays because Chris gets up before I do, and she's a highly effective alarm clock! Thanksgiving day was great, because she flew and landed on the little table next to where I sit on the sofa. I guided her over and she climbed onto my leg, and then sat there happily for a good 30 minutes! I was tickled pink! And the next day she sat on my arm for 10 - 15 minutes, though we were right in front of her cage and she could have gone back to it at any time. So we're making some slow progress. I'd rather she make the decision to come see me than force her to move faster than she wants. She's calm and happy, and that's enough for me. If she wants to be my friend at some point, so much the better!

As you can see in the picture, her head feathers have grown back in almost completely. She has put on weight and gone from "starvation mode" (eating everything) to flinging out that in her food bowls which does not please her! For the first few weeks she was here, she also didn't seem to understand what toys were, or what they were for. I tried a bunch of different ones, and she eventually discovered the fun of playing, and shows a definite preference for hanging toys with little plastic chains for her to fiddle with and balsa to chomp. This is her current setup of cage and playgym, which she really seems to like:

She also likes to play with her ladders (read: disconnect them and fling them to the floor), regardless of whether she is currently standing on them or not! She's taken a couple spills that way.

The best part about her (*knock on wood*) in terms of joining our household is that she is quiet! She chirps a bit when she gets up - especially if I'm not there and her "flock" is therefore incomplete - but for the most part, she's almost totally silent. Just a chirp or a whistle every once in a while. For a bird this is almost unheard-of. I'd be worried, if she wasn't so active and clearly happy and secure. But all her body language says she feels safe and calm and relaxed, and she does lots of climbing (and a little flying, despite her clipped wings) and playing and eating. So apparently we just lucked out that she's not very vocal! And I guess I could say that she did too - goodness knows we spoil our critters rotten, and if she was noisy we would have had to find her a new home so she would have missed out on the good life :~D

I finally chose her name after poking around baby name websites for the past few months. I don't remember how I came across "Dolly", but I saw that it is a variant of "Dorothy", which means "gift of God". And since I really feel like she was a gift, at a time when I absolutely needed one, I went with it. So that's our new baby!

Another goodbye

2007-10-08T03:24:00.000-04:00

It's past time I wrote this, but (as with all difficult things) I've been putting it off. Just over a month ago, we lost another of our ferrets, Doe.

Doe was one of two females (the other being Harriet, her sister) who we sort of adopted from a friend. The friend had decided to start raising and showing pomeranians, and while her male ferrets adapted to the newcomers just fine, the females did not. Doe and Harriet would hide behind things, and when the dogs walked by they would jump out and bite them in the butt or the back of the leg. Funny to imagine in your head, but not so much so for the poor pups, and not a behavior to tolerate or encourage.

So Chris and I have been caring for the girls for the past couple years, and I don't think I could have given them back to their original mom if she *could* have taken them back. I fell for them both, and they felt like they were ours very shortly after they moved in. And growing up having "play dates" with our crew, they fit in immediately.

Doe was always so tiny and dainty. She was the smallest of them all, and such a pretty little thing. As feisty as any ferret, and more so than many, and for a little while she still was a bit of a biter. Once she realized there were no dogs to resent, the habit went away and she was just my frisky, precious little Doe baby.

In January, we found out she had insulinoma. It's pretty common in ferrets, and we had already gone through it before. She had the surgery and recovered well. After a few months, though, her blood sugar started dropping again and we had to put her back on the steroids. Something happened once she was on them for a while, and her condition pretty much reversed itself and turned into diabetes. Ferret diabetes is almost nonexistent, and once we had stopped the steroids and run a workup, it became clear we would have to put her on insulin. As this is beyond rare, we had to check her into the vet to have her monitored while therapy was initiated. Unfortunately, either there was something else wrong with her or she had a very bad reaction to the insulin, because she passed away suddenly her second day in the clinic.

Although we knew she wasn't doing well, her passing was completely unexpected. I still can't believe she's actually gone, and I miss her every day. She was my Little Miss, and there will never be another like her.

Another person to hate

2007-08-24T22:23:00.000-04:00

*Sigh*...

http://www.accesshollywood.com/news/ah6563.shtml

Really, Jamie? "... give him the benefit of the doubt"?? "... he really didn't know the extent of it"???

In his plea, he admitted to at least "participating in" the killing of "approximately" 8 dogs (i.e. that was the number of dogs they had evidence of execution, so that's what they admitted to. God knows how many really died at their hands). That's not bad enough for you?

He bankrolled the freaking operation! In other words, Bad Newz Kennels wouldn't have existed if it wasn't for him. And although he managed to refrain from making his own side bets (gee, Mike, how moral of you) he also bankrolled the gambling. Still acceptable behavior?

Oh. Right. He didn't know any better. People have to be told that abusing and killing animals is the wrong thing to do. And that financing illegal gambling is akin to placing those illegal bets yourself. My bad.

Foxx is officially on my Fuck Off And Die list.

And in case you were wondering, Jamie, paying someone to kill someone else is also a crime and a bad thing to do. Just so you know. Tempting (especially with Vick soon to be in a shank-friendly environment), but a bad thing to do.

An open letter...

2007-08-06T05:32:00.000-04:00

to writers, editors, and publishers across the globe:

If a person is overcome by pain - be it physical, emotional, psychic, etc. - or fever or doubt, said person is "wracked". They are NOT "racked". Yes, these feelings might be excruciating, but they aren't actually taking the person in question, placing them on a medieval torture device, and stretching them by their limbs. Nor are they taking said person and placing him/her on a green felt table in a triangular pen with a bunch of balls in preparation for a game of billiards. Feelings can't do these things. They are feelings.

I am so unbelievably sick of seeing this [typo? poor word choice? I don't know what to call it] in books. Granted, it's not exactly high-minded literature (I see it most often in romance novels), but still. Get it together, people!

Sincerely,
A Disgruntled Reader

P.S. I am aware that certain dictionaries disagree with me on this matter (I'm looking at you, American Heritage Dictionary). They are assholes. The same assholes who added "ain't" to their lexicon(s), despite years of teachers everywhere telling students that, "Ain't ain't a word."

Random Stuff

2007-07-13T15:29:00.000-04:00

Because I need to write *something*, if only to get something less depressing at the top of my blog, here are a few random facts/thoughts from me:

I peel chicken nuggets for my cats. I don't eat McDonalds often anymore, but when I do, I get McNuggets. These things transform Tito and Garlic into vultures, mainly because for as long as I can remember I've saved the last nugget for them. I peel it because despite the fact that I *know* the inside is no more "meat" than the breading, I still feel like feeding them the breading is a bad idea.

I think if I shaved my head, my hair would grow in curly. I have no intention of ever doing it, but the thought persists.

I'm pretty sure my nail polish preoccupation is now on par with my perfume and lipstick obsessions. Thankfully, nail polish is *way* cheaper than frags and lippies.

The little twerp who totaled my car is *actually* fighting the tickets he incurred while smashing up my poor Accord! I got a notice in the mail the other day that I have to go to court as a witness for the police officer. Grrr! I hope that asshole loses on every ticket. I will do my best to make it so.

This past saw the 6th anniversary of Lore collective! We didn't feel much like celebrating last year, despite it being a milestone, but this year was nice. Nothing exciting, just dinner at Sullivan's. But that's all we need, really. Just feed us some kickass steaks and soufflés and we're good to go.

That's all for now. I'll end on a positive note. Hope all is right in the world for the rest of you!

It Never Gets Easier

2007-06-12T05:06:00.000-04:00

It hurts, killing something you love. I mean *actually* doing it yourself. Not necessarily more than arranging for someone else to do it, sitting there while someone else presses on the plunger. In a way, that's harder. Because not only do you have to admit that everything is out of your control beforehand, but then you have to give up that last little bit. Give someone else that last, final authority.

But to physically do it yourself? That takes something different. Because after you give up everything, every last hope and wish, you have to do the unthinkable. You have to set up whatever is involved in the method you choose. That's after doing research, of course, to find the best, most humane method. And after you set everything up, you have to gather him up, which in and of itself may be difficult, if he's a fighter and uncooperative. You have to gather him up and say that last goodbye. Maybe try to explain why it is you're doing what you're doing. Maybe explain why you waited so long to take this necessary step. Maybe pray for that sign that never comes, that you made a mistake and everything is going to be ok after all.

And once you've done these things, these terribe, horrible, excruciating things, you have to do that last thing. That thing which will take him away from you forever.

That last, final motion is the hardest thing you will ever do. Because you know, as he will and can never know, exactly what it means. What you are doing and why. Taking his last decision away from him, his last feeling, his last everything. And he is gone.

And now his tanks sit in silent reproach on the bookshelves where they still remain, half full. Half full because in his final months, he was too weak to swim to the surface for breath easily, so you lowered the height of the water in order to make the journey shorter and easier. And it was what he needed. The tank on the right, which he never went back into, with sand on the bottom because you thought that might be gentler than pebbles on his ragged, tattered fins that had seen so much time for one of his kind, and survived disease you were sure would kill him. But he was a fighter. And you can't yet bring yourself to clean them out, empty them, because it will be the last thing you do for him. And you've already done so much, so many painful things, and you're not sure you can bear one more.

And you feel silly, feeling so much, so strongly, for one who was with you for such a short period of time. Who most people wouldn't think twice about losing, or if they did it wouldn't hurt them this way. You feel, somehow, like you failed again. Though you know with every bit of reason available to you that you didn't, you still feel like you did.

It never gets easier. And it shouldn't.

A loss

2007-05-19T02:50:00.000-04:00

I just read that Lloyd Alexander, one of my favorite childhood authors, passed away on Thursday. I credit him and Tolkein with my love of fantasy fiction, and am sad to hear of his passing.

Look how freaking prolific I am!

2007-05-11T03:57:00.000-04:00

*Another* post! In less than 2 weeks! And I still haven't shared jack shit that's actually personally relevant!

That would be because I'm procrastinating, and because I hate whining. And so much crap has gone on in the past couple weeks that I'm avoiding writing about it, and am instead writing about other stuff to distract myself. Because I can't figure out how to write about my own stuff *without* sounding like I'm whining, and I'm not ready to focus any more of my "free" energy on thinking about it enough to write. I'd rather spend said energy on fun things. Like this awesome survey I linked to from gofugyourself:

blogreaderproject.com/survey (Yes, same link as above. I'm thorough.)

It was a fun and comprehensive survey about what I (the survey-taker) like and what I do. As I'm sure I've said a bajillion times, I'm a compulsive self-analyzer. This poll was perfect. Detailed, but not laboriously so. Exhaustive, but not excessively (IMO) intrusive for an online questionnaire.

If you, dear reader, also wish to waste a good 10 - 20 minutes on something interesting and not too onerous, check it out! Fill it out! You might just enjoy it :~D

Gag

2007-05-08T01:47:00.000-04:00

I know I belong to too many yahoo groups. I join a bunch, stick around for a while, then leave. It's what I do. It's why I shouldn't make "real" friends (different settings, similar behavior on my part). But I do, and now I'm being punished. I belong to a couple Weight Watchers Core groups that have been quite helpful, and I don't want to leave them. But staying with these groups has exposed me to one of the horrors of the internet: Incredimail.

This is some of THE tackiest shit I have ever seen. Chris and I have joked about decorating a guest room for unwelcome visitors in an overwhelming lighthouse theme, and now thanks to this "service", I have received multiple lighthouse-themed emails. "Cute" country mice getting into peoples' food. Peoples' names animated (or still) with penguins. Flowers. Stars. Rainbows. Stuffed bunnies. Precious Moments. Need I say more? It's like a bunch of 11-year-old girls got ahold of my computer and reprogrammed it.

Seriously, I'm glad any- and everyone can get on the internet. My WWII-era farmer-stock grandparents are online, bless them, and getting a lot done! But they're not wasting their time or mine with cutesy smarmy nauseating graphics in their emails. And honestly, I wish the rest of the world was on the same page. I feel my IQ (and the collective quotient of every group involved) dropping with every Incredipuke message. WTF motivates people to inflict this sort of thing on others?

Seriously, this must be stopped.

Hey!

2007-04-28T13:50:00.000-04:00

I know it's been ages, but procrastination is just part of who I am. Sorry!

Something has me fired up though, and in case you haven't heard about it anywhere else, allow me to bring to your attention a consumer issue near and dear to my heart: chocolate.

Chocolate manufacturers and various other food industry groups/companies, have petitioned the FDA to change the definition of "chocolate" to include cocoa powder with vegetable fats other than cocoa butter. On the surface, this seems benign. And maybe a silly thing to get worked up about. It's just chocolate, right? But there are larger implications here.

Imagine *any* ingredient on your food packaging being able to be redefined by petitioning the FDA to change what qualifies. What if your "chicken" is now "any land-dwelling avian fowl"? If "pork" becomes "any quadrupedal land-dwelling mammal weighing less than 200 pounds"? Think of the money the food manufacturers could save (and the profits they could make) broadening definitions as they see fit! And try to imagine what you might *really* be eating.

The standards for organic labeling are already being weakened. Recently, it was determined that foods can be labeled organic if they contain non-organic ingredients, so long as the company can "prove" that organic alternatives were unavailable or priced into what they deem exclusivity. So that organic veggie soup you're eating might well contain non-organic corn. And peas. And carrots. And you, as the consumer, have no way of knowing if any of the ingredients you just paid a premium for are actually what you expected your money to buy.

I'm well aware that none of this is new. The reason I'm bringing it up is that the chocolate issue *is* important to me, AND there is still time to do something about it. The FDA just extended the comment period on the chocolate petition until June 25th. So if you want to save chocolate as we know it here in the U.S., or if you want to send a message to the FDA that ingredient labeling is important and shouldn't be subject to industry wishes, or for any other reason you don't like this proposal, please go here:

dontmesswithourchocolate.com

If you click on "Register Your Comments", they have links to the FDA site as well as a letter you can copy and paste into the FDA comment section, edited to suit your viewpoint or "as is" if you're lazy like me and/or agree with the things the letter says.

To arms! To arms!

Easily Amused

2007-01-25T08:11:00.000-05:00

Something I started doing last year was collecting spam subject lines. I wish I had started sooner because I know I got some doozies in the past that are now lost forever. Some of them are so bizarre that I've been tempted to open them just to see what was inside (don't worry - I'm not that impulsive). It's easy to just click "empty" on that Junk Mail folder after you've sorted out what shouldn't have been sent there, but have you ever actually read those little messages? The ones they think will somehow trick you into opening something you really shouldn't? It's worth it, every once in a while.

My criteria aren't especially rigorous, but still there aren't too many that qualify. I don't go for the easy laughs, so all the porn and "body part enhancement" messages are out. Besides, they're really not that funny, after you've seen the same one 20 times. I used to save the ones that strung together a bunch of random religious/biblical-looking words because some of the combinations were so strange while *almost* making sense that they made me laugh. But they don't stand the test of time: re-reading them a few weeks or months later just doesn't work. So those, for the most part, are deleted immediately.

After Christmas there was a serious dearth of funny spam subjects, and I despaired that everyone reprogrammed their bots or something. But this morning I awoke to find several giggle-inducing titles, and hope was restored! I decided it was time to share the wealth.

So for those of you who are also easily amused, I present:

My Funny Spam Collection

smuggle ruffle

wopposite

gung-ho

Re: do cluster

It's not about slogans this time.

antler silence

them, money to fail: not be baldness upon your food month, Zif,

makes squishy noises when running.

in the land wherein we grope in him, I brought

Are molehill no sheriff

Or my wham

Which watchband so death

out of a naughty person, of their hooks were persuaded, that

gibe processor

Is my rhino

treacherous dahlia

Fred tried to change subjects to get Howard to do something else. [best part – the sender was "continental breakfast"]

watertight communist

impromptu pork chop

slovenly lover

my orange

And today's most shining gem:

it be semantic